Question:
If only one if a MO couple gets surgery the couple always splits up

If only one member of a MO couple get surgery the couple always split. Our surgeon told us this yesterday. It was a rather chilling statement that thankfully doesnt apply to us. Soon my wife will be a post op like I am. I am wondering if there are any exceptions to this statement here. This came up when my wife remarked that she had lost her eating buddy.    — [Anonymous] (posted on November 17, 2001)

November 17, 2001
I never trust the word 'always' and I'm always suspicious of the word 'never'. :)
   — Donna L.

November 17, 2001
Please remind your surgeon that he is not a psychiatrist! I had WLS 7 years ago and lost 82 pounds. My hubby was and is overweight. We experienced no problems, just elation! We had love and commitment and that's what it takes! Take care!
   — Lisa U.

November 17, 2001
And sometimes, the non-WLS sees what a good time the WLS one is having and follows along about a year later. But being male, he reaches goal the same time she does with a full year head start! LOL! The only problem we had was that he didn't want me to tell people about WLS in such glowing terms. LOL! Yeah, OK. I won't tell a single soul.
   — vitalady

November 19, 2001
Some do, some don't. My mom had it, got a lot of self confidence and next thing you know, my dad's a goner :) Your doctor is not Miss Cleo. He can't tell the future.
   — jammie B.

November 19, 2001
If anything this surgery enhanced my marriage. Now I am more interested in doing things with him than trying to come up with excuses NOT to.... I enjoy myself more when we do things like Disney, Wild Animal Park- I have fun, and can keep up with him- this is a positive to our marriage! He spends less time worrying about ME, worrying about myself. There is no longer a issue of "what to wear" or me sitting in the corner at social events... he finally has a date!
   — Karen R.

December 12, 2001
The Doctor told us of the high rate of divorce from those who had the surgery. I was supportive of my wife, and while I was overweight, I was not considered MO. The doctor regularly told me I was doing a good job in helping my wife. And while aware of the statistics, it never seemed that it would happen to us...boy was I wrong. My wife started becoming distant, and increasingly sought to do things on her own. Eight months after surgery, she saw her doctor for depression. Sixteen months after, I finally confronted her in a firm fashion...and that is when she told me she wanted a divorce. I really believe that her symptons were treated (weight) and not the underlying problem that caused her weight gain. While focused on her weight loss, she was committed and seemed happy. After achieving her goal, she seems unhappy, has taken on new tasks to busy her day, and refuses any sort of counseling. Our children do not understand, nor do I. While not perfect, I am willing to work to see what she needs or wants..but it takes two. And she is determined to divorce. Anyone else considering WLS options, please take time to address some of the other issues--like what caused the obesity to begin with...was there several contributing factors that all need to be addressed? I am still proud of my wife and her accomplishments. She is prettier today than when we married nearly 19 years ago. But something inside her is still not happy, maybe still not accepting her, and she thinks divorce will bring her happiness, but I fear it will only bring another way where she will be unhappy.
   — Tim W.

November 5, 2002
Gosh -I think there's more truth to this than you would believe. First, I got my Ph.D. then I got this surgery. I'm in the middle of getting a divorce from my husband, and I don't see another way around it.
   — R J.

February 7, 2003
I will say this. I am the post op , and my husband is over- weight, but not morbidly obese. Now that my eating habits have changed and his haven't, I notice a lot more just how much he is eating, and I want him to stop, but he takes off- ense when I say anything. It has not happened with us yet, but I believe that part of the problem with couples who divorce is that the MO person who is post op begins to start living life, getting used to having energy, and wanting to do new things all the time, while the MO person that didn't have surgery is in the same unhealthy spot. When a couple doesn't grow together, they grow apart. This is a statement that a friend of mine that had the surgery told me. I don't believe for a second that every couple in this situation will divorce, but it is very important that both people work really hard to keep the communication open, and to let the other person know their wants and desires openly, so that there is no bitterness or disappointment. THAT is what probably breaks most couples up, NOT WLS, and ANY and EVERY couple can fall prey to that. Hope this helps someone out there!!--Danielle
   — DANIELLE S.

April 13, 2003
A marriage after WLS only ends if there was something missing from the beginning. If there were problems before WLS (most problems aren't recognized until after surgery), then there will be problems afterward, that could (unfortunately) lead to divorce. However, there have been MANY marriages that have remained successful after WLS. My support group leader's husband is MO and has decided that surgery isn't an option for him. She is almost 3 years post op. Their marriage is fine. Don't listen to your doctor on this one. However, I would recommend you both seek couples counseling if you think there might be any problems in your marriage. If you marriage is strong and healthy now, you don't have anything to worry about. Good luck.
   — Krissy J.

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