Question:
Does anyone else besides me feel like a failure, despite a weight loss
of over 130lbs? I still feel like I am huge..I find myself comparing me to other post-ops and I get extremly jealous because I havent lost the same amount they have. will this pass or have I finally lost my sanity? — tylerswife (posted on October 22, 2002)
October 22, 2002
I feel the same way and I am only 3 months...but I constantly compare and
think I should have lost more, and I feel just as fat as I did 50lbs ago,
as far as how I look and such...
— MF
October 22, 2002
I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like that too but then the most
amazing thing happens, everyone always tells me how wonderful I look and
what a wonderful job I have done and when they say this its not in the same
sentence of how much have you lost...I am the queen of "snail
losers" so sounds to me like you need to boost your self esteem and
try being happy with what you have and not what you dont k..good luck i
think you did a fab job!!
— Deanna Wise
October 22, 2002
Yes, I'm having real problems with self esteem right now. I am 15 months
post op...have lost 136lbs and sat and cried last night over how fat I
still am. My BMI is still considered seriously overweight. My personal goal
was 132, I currently weigh 146 and am 5'2.5". How can 14 lbs make the
difference between someone seriously overweight and a thin person? It does
not help that I've started looking into plastic surgery and I see picture
after picture of people who look no where near as bad as I do...I'd love to
be their before picture let alone their after. Anyway...sorry to whine on
and on, I realize I've accomplished a lot and do appreciate that, but I'm
getting real inpatient...could be, because I know my window of opportunity
is slowly beginning to close. Best of luck and know you're not alone. This
too shall pass...I'm sure.-Kim open RNY 7/17/01 -136
— KimBo36
October 22, 2002
I think it all has to do with not being able to "blind
ourselves", so to speak, with food anymore. I started at 385 and now
am at 332, and people compliment me on my progress, but I look in the
mirror and think "They Lord!" (A popular exclamation in East
Tennessee) - "If this is how awful I look now, what did I look like
before, and how could I have let that happen?" It's painful and
humiliating. I try to cut myself a break, though. If I weren't working on
losing weight, what would I be doing? I'd be eating a roll or two of raw
Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough, NEVER looking in the mirror, and
fantasizing about losing weight. Instead, I've sucked it up and I've DONE
it, baby! How can I - how can YOU - be anything but proud? You've done one
of the hardest things in the world! 130 pounds! I hope I see the day!
— Kim A.
October 22, 2002
Yes, you are not the only one that feels a sense a failure. When I started
this journey, I tipped the scales at 475, nearly a quarter of a ton if you
can mind around that! I had an open RNY on 6/10 and since that time have
lost around 85 lbs, fighting for every last pound, gaining and losing the
same few pounds in the same week, plateuing just about every other week. I
have had co-workers come up to me and ask me if I had decided against
having the surgery after all! When you start out that big, you really need
to lose a lot before it becomes noticeable. But, because it's my body, I do
notice, and I realize I am in this for the long haul. Perhaps I won't
achieve the same level of success as some who have undergone this procedure
(and there is a lot performance anxiety so to speak!) but that's 86 fat,
ugly, life-threatening pounds that are not coming back and I need to stop
comparing my journey with other the journeys of others. I applaud you for
wrestling off those 130 lbs. and am trying not to be envious of you! :-)
— Anna S.
October 22, 2002
I understand where you are coming from...i am one year post op 5ft 2"
and have gone from a highest weight of 360 to now weighing 200. It makes
me sick to think i have lost all that weight yet am still considered
morbidly obese. I always think of myself as still fat..i guess cuz i am
but the weight loss has stopped for quite awhile now and i think i am just
stuck at this weight..there was a couple days when the scale dropped to
198..that was two really good feeling days...When i do get down about it
though alot i look at the pictures i have taken monthly throughout the year
and it helps.
— paula B.
October 22, 2002
Hi, I could have posted this question my ownself. lol. I am a couple of
weeks over my one year ann, and I have lost around 127 lbs. I feel
wonderful, and I sometimes think I look good. But then when I look in the
mirror minus my clothes I want to cry. I cringe at myself. I look
horrible... EEK>>>>>>> I have even had to be put on
Prozac and I honestly think that this plays a big part of my problem......
People tell me how slender I am and say I am crazy for wanting to lose more
wt. I now weigh in at 144, I want t weigh 130. My first initial goal was
137, if I hit it then great..... BUT I want to go to 130 so that gives me
a little more or a boost. I have heard you gain some wt back. I figure if
I gain back to 140 oh well. I am even terrified of eating. So scared of
gaining back the wt. I am just a mess right now. But just know you arne't
alone.
— TONYA B.
October 22, 2002
I AM ALMOST 3 MONTHS POST OP AND HAVE LOST ABOUT 55 - 60 POUNDS. PEOPLE
KEEP TELLING ME HOW GREAT I LOOK. YESTERDAY I WAS AT TANNING AND JUST
HAPPENED TO TURN AROUND AND THERE I WAS STARING MYSELF STRAIGHT IN THE
EYES! THERE IS A HUGE MIRROR ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR! HOW DEPRESSING. I
HAVE LOST WEIGHT IN SOME SPOTS BUT THAT JUST MAKES THE OTHER SPOTS LOOK
BIGGER. MY SKIN IS DROOPY , MY BOOBS ARE SAGGY AND I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE
HOW BAD I LOOK. I KEEP WONDERING IF ANYONE ELSE LOOKS LIKE ME. I THINK I
LOOK WORSE NOW THAN BEFORE SURGERY.RIGHT NOW I AM JUST TOTALLY UPSET WITH
MYSELF. I KNOW THAT I'M NOT AS FAR ALONG AS YOU BUT I CAN RELATE TO WHAT
YOU ARE SAYING. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!! KEEP SMILIN'
— nikki R.
October 22, 2002
YES!! I am 4 months post-op and have lost 61 pounds. I'm 5'7, started at
293 and today I am 232. I really feel like I should have lost more by now.
I too find myself to comparing and looking for other post-ops with similar
stats. I have people complimenting me all the time, they call me slim and
shrinking violet, when I see myself I don't see it. We are our own worst
critic...
— stacjean
October 22, 2002
I'm glad you posted this. I am over 4 1/2 months post-op and lost a little
over 70 pounds. I can tell I have lost weight, which I am happy about, but
still feel like a failure sometimes. ALL i think about is, yea I lost weigt
now, but what about in a year, am I going to gain it all back? I know this
is alot more successful than regular diets, but I'e heard of many people
gaining some or alot of weight back, and it scares me so much. It racks my
brain. But, congratulations to you on your weight loss. I think we all
need to just stop comparing ourselves to others, and be happy with what we
have lost, b/c it makes us all upset! I do it all the time, and I am now
just trying to think, "Would I have lost this much weight on my
own?" And I know the answer is NO! Goodluck to you, I do think this
will pass!
— Lezlie Y.
October 22, 2002
Rebecca I too can totally relate, sometimes I look in the mirror and still
think....Gee I'm still fat, but I think that's because I amagin myself
being super slim, I'm getting to the point that I might not ever be super
slim
But I look good, I still have 40 pounds to go, 195 now from 310, one year
post, oh yeah 5'4 , but it looks good on me...I can now run with my kids,
go to a resturant and not worry about the seats or people watching me, jog,
walk, strecth, bend, can wear size 13/14 pants and so on, last year I
couldn't to anything but cry..
Don't worry about being thin, just think about being healthy and enjoy your
new life girl....... You deserve it
— Rebe W.
October 22, 2002
I am 8 months post op down 116 lbs...but I weigh 252 lbs...finally broke a
5 week plateau...but my current weight is higher than some folks start
weight. yes I am 6 ' tall but I do not want to stay up here in the 250s.
I want to weigh under 200 and I worry that I will not get there and I often
feel that so many folks are doing better than I am too. Ultimately it
comes down to this, am I doing my personal best and most of the time I have
to answer no. I am not devoted to my exercise routing and I do snack more
than I should. The ultimate answer is the buck stops right here and I am
short changing myself.
— SARose61
October 22, 2002
Hi, Rebecca/ you know, I must be the exception to the rule/ I just had my 1
year anniversary from wls/ (lap rny)/ I am at my Dr.'s
"realistic" goal and just 8 lbs from my personal goal/ but I
feel that at last I look in a photo like I perceived myself to look in my
head/ / when I would see photos of myself before my weight loss/ I would
think: "that can't be me!" I have always felt like a thin person
trapped in a fat body/ people will even say to me: "can you believe
that's you when you look in the mirror?" but I just want to say:
"yes I can, for at long last I look like I feel inside"/ I hope
you can get to that point/ I know you will/ it just takes times sometimes
for the mind to catch up w/ the body/ just a thought.... Patti Meadows/
e-mail: [email protected]
— peppermintp
October 22, 2002
You lost your sanity way back when, girlfriend, so don't worry about it.
Most morbidly obese people are self loathing when it comes to their body
and since we can't go about our business in a constant state of loath, we
suspend our feelings about our body and pretend they don't exist. Then,
when we make this WLS change, we start peeking at our bodies again and of
course, the first thing our of the starting gate is our judgements and
evaluations about where we fail to measure up to the artificial standard we
have created for ourselves. And, believe me, the assessments of our new
bodies will likely get worse before they get better. We were at least used
to a nice tight puffiness. To have all that skin hanging and wrinkly and
sloshing around when we walk can be rage inducing. I mean after all,
weren't we supposed to lose weight and IMMEDIATELY look like a
supermodel?!?!?!? Adjust your expectations before you make your life
completely miserable. I am 3/4 of the way through the reconstructive
surgery to remove lotsa, lotsa hanging flesh. I currently loath my scrotal
sac-like arms. My thighs still aren't as thin as I would like them and my
belly is currently lopsided because of seroma repairs. However, I can walk
without swinging wet sandbags, look normal with my clothes on and have hope
for the future. I know that for whatever judgements I have about how my
body looks, I finally have a normally functioning body that can walk, have
physical fun and that will serve me all the rest of my days. For that, I
am gratefull. Good Luck to you!
— merri B.
October 23, 2002
Sweetie, your brain is going to take a long time to catch up with the
reality of where your body is.
I am "at goal", and wear size 6-8 clothing on a 5'10" frame,
but to me, I'm still huge. I look down when I'm naked, and I see a floppy
stomach, big thighs, baggy upper arms...but no one else sees me that way.
In fact, people who don't know me (and so have no vested interest in
telling me this) say that I'm "tiny". I certainly don't feel
tiny.
But I also know, from years of working with anorexic and bulimic women,
that body image is extremely "plastic" -- that is, it changes,
but it takes time to change. Also, don't forget that you're looking at
yourself to find fault. When you're fat, you are automatically programmed
to look for "problem areas" -- but that's not what the rest of
the world sees. You are not a failure, but only you can decide that for
yourself. Not to sound like Stuart Smalley, but you need to start giving
yourself more positive self-messages. I do too...how about we do it
together? :D
— Karen I.
October 23, 2002
hiya...{{hugs}} - that's to everyone who responded. i think we all need to
remember that the surgery was done on our stomachs - NOT our brains! we can
be our own worst enemies -- think of the way we have thought about
ourselves for so many years! that does not change overnight. i have gone
from 268lbs to 126lbs -- 9lbs below my goal weight but i still see the
"fat" stomach and now the "saggy" thighs and damn these
puffy bags under my eyes and wrinkles on my face i never had before! BUT
did i have this surgery to be a supermodel? NO! i had this surgery to save
my life and i truly believe it has. so what i HIGHLY recommend to everyone
is to join a wls support group -- studies show that wls patients need at
least 3 years support post op. our bodies go through so many changes and
our brains are trying to catch up ... being able to hang out (no pun
intended) with others that have been where we are is so comforting! i also
see a counselor and am working on "cognitive behaviour therapy"
which is basically retraining your brain's reactions/responses. one big
step i've made is that whenever a negative thought comes into my head
(especially when its about myself!) i counter it with a positive
thought...
so while my body doesn't look at 126lbs like it did 10 years ago when i
weighed 135 (before i gained all the weight) i remind myself that I AM 10
years older and am grateful that i am NOT 268lbs anymore.
working out also helps a lot -- as you feel your body getting stronger it
empowers your mind. i cannot get rid of the 'batwings' with exercise but
they have tightened up a lot.
please remember tho, what you're feeling is normal and try not to beat
yourself up if you don't see yourself as others see you.
{{hugs}}
kate
open rny 6-14-01
pre op: 268lbs
goal: 135lbs
current: 126lbs
— jkb
October 23, 2002
You haven't lost your sanity, apparently there are lots of others that
agree with you. I think we need to throw away that darn BMI scale and just
go by clothing sizes and how we look in our clothes. We also need to trust
what others tell us, especially those with no vested interest. Even if I
get to goal, I will still be overweight by the BMI scale. But guess what?
So is Tom Cruise, and so is my weight lifting, body builder, personal
trainer hubby who looks like the cover of Muscle and Fitness Magazine! For
those that wear sizes 6-8-10-12, get serious! You are not fat!! And when
others tell you that you are "thin" or "tiny" or that
you "look great", trust them. It does take our previously
overweight brains time to adjust to no longer being overweight when we look
in the mirror. As for what we look like with no clothes on...well, that is
a different story. I think most of us are a little depressed over the
sagging skin-unfortunately its a product of large weight loss, age and
genes. But luckily we go out into the world with clothes on, not off! And
plastic surgery can take care of the rest...
— Cindy R.
October 23, 2002
Rebecca, thank you for asking this question. I too feel that way. Instead
of feeling happy for having lost near 140 pounds, I still feel big. I will
not look in mirrors when I walk past them because I do not want to feel
disappointed by what I see. While I try to dress well everyday, doing my
hair, makeup, and wearing nice clothing, I am still over 200 pounds and
feel so huge. You are not alone I bet. You have a family at this site, so
if you ever need to talk, we are all here for you.....!!!
— twenc
October 23, 2002
I think you have to concentrate on the positives that the surgery has
provided and take those steps so you don't repeat behaviors that put you
into a funk. I know that's hard. But I'm thankful, for the health
benefits I've gained so far from this surgery. My asthma hasn't given me
one problem since the surgery. The pain I was having in my right leg is
nearly gone. I can walk more than I used to without so much pain. My
energy is increasing. My blood pressure is down and they cut my medication
in half. I'm hoping in a couple of months to discontinue it entirely. I
even have less problems with my allergies. I'm determined not to buy any
clothes until around Christmas (as long as what I have will stay on me).
I don't do self-defeating behaviors like weighing myself every day and I do
my darndest to get my protein and fluids in every day. My husband reminds
me frequently that he adored me when I was heavier and he adores me now, so
if I look at it like that, why would I feel like a failure? It's all a
matter of perspective.
— Cathy S.
October 23, 2002
p.s. Any my grandma always said "if there's something you don't like
about yourself, save up and get it fixed." Lots of wisdom in that.
— Cathy S.
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