Question:
Help, my eight year old is very nervous, what are some good things to tell him?

I need some help here. I am going for surgery on October 8th and the closer I get the more nervous my son gets. He is eight years old and has had to deal with the death of both my parents only a few years ago and they were very close. He is worried I will die in the hospital. I have tried to assure him every thing will be ok. But he is still worried. Please help.    — Tricia A. (posted on September 28, 2002)

September 28, 2002
In June I went to Mexico for a week to have an abdominoplasty done. It was the first time I had ever left my 9 year old (birthdate 3/93), in fact she's usually with me 24/7. I took a very matter of fact approach. I was going. I was coming back. I didn't let it be much of an issue, although I answered specific questions on what they were going to do, when I was leaving, where I'd be staying .. basically lots of little curiousities. But I never let there be any doubt I was coming home and I made special plans to do with her as soon as I could pre-op. We estimated a date post-op I'd be up and going to town. We made plans for something we never usually do like have pizza to go from the pizza shop, go out for a Sundae, go to the river to wade. It gave her plans to look forward to. I also made a huge point of making plans with her on our parents taking care of her, where she'd sleep, nightlights. We really concentrated on how things were going to go FOR HER while I was gone. And then too she had our plans to look forward to. My best advise would be to not focus on that point at all, WE as adults can recognize statistics (like 1:1000 might die) but children only hear "might die" so don't even give it as a possibility. Afterall we don't say, "I'm going out to drive to work on icey roads. I might die, but don't worry" - exagerated but same idea. Good luck.
   — Shelly S.

September 28, 2002
I told my 9 year old that I was doing this so I would be healthier and could live longer because I wanted to spend more years with her. I also told her I was scared when she had her tubes put in her ears and her toe surgery even though I knew she would be all right that it was natural. I also asked her to be Mommy's helper while I heal so it gave her a plan of action. She still cried when I was on the way to the hospital and I had to repeat everything on the cell phone but I think that was because my husband (the idiot) told it it was possible that I could die when she asked him and she took that as a good chance. He should have said hardly ever and she has no more of chance of dying then you did when you had your surgery. Afterall the deaths are not usually caused by the surgery but blood clots after surgery that's why it's so important to be up and moving quickly.
   — Candace F.

September 28, 2002
do you know someone in your area who has had WLS? if he were to met them, maybe it would calm some of his fears..
   — barbara A.

September 28, 2002
I simply told my 7 year old son a few things that relate to him personally. I told him that this surgery would help me feel better and be healthier. I would then be able to help chaparone on his class trips (something I've always avoided because of my size). I would also be able to come to school and help with things more often (ever tried to SQUEEZE between those desks in a crowded classroom?). I told him that when we went to the park or the beach, I'd be able to play with him rather than sit and watch. And, this is the important part, I've kept those promises. I've done everything that I told him I'd do. I chose to dwell on the positive aspects rather than the negative. He asked what if I could die from this surgery and I told him it was a possibility but a very small possibility. I think he felt my confidence and it helped him to accept my choice. Best of luck.
   — Pam S.

September 29, 2002
Two things I did with my 8 & 9 year olds that seemed to help... 1) Gave them something to look forward to while I was in the hospital -- in my case it was summer so they went to the beach with their grandparents. They were so excited about that they hardly remembered me! 2) Set a specific goal for post-op of something they wanted me to do with them that I could not currently do because of weight. That gave them a focus on the future and something to look forward to with mom! (Going horseback riding with my daughter and bike riding with my son.) If you'd like either of them to email your son and share from their perspective, let me know!
   — jen41766

September 30, 2002
I can relate to what your going through. I am a single Mom to a 10 year old..I have been her Mother & her Father her entire life, so of course she got really scared and upset before the surgery. She was with my fiance' the entire time I was in the OR. I explained to her that this surgery will help Mommy to be healthier and will allow me to be more of a fun, active Mom making it much easier for me to do things with her. She has been happy for me and is so looking forward to the future as I loose more weight and become a much more active part of her life..like riding bikes, rollerblading, etc...I am down 60lbs. in 10 wks, 4 pants sizes!
   — Trish R.