Question:
How do I face people at my wedding in two months?
I had WLS 6 weeks ago. I am also engaged to be married and have been planning a huge wedding for September 9. Problem is, I don't want to do it anymore. I love my fiance, but I can't imagine all these people watching my fat self walking down the aisle. There are going to be people there that I haven't seen in years, and I know they are going to be horrified by how big I've gotten. I have spent so much time avoiding them, I don't know how to face them. It makes me want to cancel the whole thing and go to the Justice of the Peace. My fiance and family would be devastated. I don't know how to get past this and try to enjoy what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. — arialee (posted on June 28, 2001)
June 28, 2001
I am pre-op and single, but I can relate to how you feel. Think how much
smaller you will be in two months, still I know that does help. I know alot
of people will probably say that the day is not about how you look, but I
disagree. Why not reschedule things for six or seven months away? Or what
ever date you need to feel good about how you look. Good luck.
— Courtney W.
June 28, 2001
Why can't you delay your wedding a few months? I'm sure everyone would
understand. What does your man think? I'm sure you are meant to be
therefore a few months
wait won't be a big deal. Plus it will give you more time to get those
last things that need to be done all finished.
Or go down the isle now with all the confidence in the world, knowing that
you have made a huge change in your life. It's time to stop feeling
judged. I am sure
you will look ravishing no matter your size at the time of your wedding.
All that matters, really is how you feel and how your husband feels about
you. Nobady else
really matters. You could always redo your vows at a later date to have
those "skinny" pictures that we all want on our wedding day. I
never had skinny pics for mine,
but at the same time I don't regret for a minute marrying my hubby. He
liked how I looked in my dress and that was all the mattered to me.
Best of luck and I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
— Crystal D.
June 28, 2001
Christy, I just looked at your profile and have to say you are so gorgeous
that you'll look fabulous on your wedding day, whether or not you choose to
wait. Good luck and God Bless you new life!
— Allie B.
June 28, 2001
Christy! I saw your picture also...you are beautiful! You're still
loosing weight so obviously you'll be smaller by your wedding date. I'm
only 4 months post op and have lost 70 lbs. I'm still big but I feel so
much better about how I've "shrunk" thus far. I even went to a
water park with my husband and kids and you know what? For the first time
in my life I had on a bathing suit without a huge t-shirt over it. I'm 208
and I know I'm still big but just seeing how much smaller I've become gave
me the confidence to wear my bathing suit without covering up. And if
people don't like the way I look...I DON'T GIVE A @#$%!!! I know I've come
a long way and I look better now. You will too! But I can sympathize with
you. A girl wants to look perfect on her wedding day so if you want to
postpone it, it is your choice. I wouldn't though...you look terrific as
it is! Good luck!
— Deniece H.
June 28, 2001
Idealistically, why would you postpone your wedding for such a shallow
reason? Realistically, I HATE looking at my wedding pics when I was a size
22. (size 8 now) I HATE when my students tell me how fat I was when I got
married. But what is, is. I love my hubby dearly and am glad I didnt wait
the five years to marry him.
— [Anonymous]
June 28, 2001
Christy, your right, this should be the happiest time of your life
planning your wedding. My husband and I got married in November 1999
and he was 460 lbs. and I was 260. We have since both has RNY, but even
though I was large, I felt absolutely beautiful in my wedding gown and I
don't think anyone there seen anything but our wonderful love for each
other and how happy that we found each other after 40 years of being
single. The people that were invited to our wedding were people that
we loved and that loved us and our weight was not the focus of that
day. Your picture on your profile shows a beautiful women with a
fabulous smile and a twinkle in her eyes and that's what will be
seen on the day that you marry your love. I wish you and your fiance
a beautiful wedding day! I hope you can really enjoy the planning as
well as your special day!
— Liz G.
June 28, 2001
christy my hubby & i just looked at ur picture. YOU R GORGEOUS!!!!! i
think it goes with the territory feeling we r ugly. people r always telling
me how pretty i am & i laff & say 'yeah rite. what have u been
smoking?' first of all hun, there r NO ugly brides!! this is a special day
& it brings a special look to a brides face. my daughter just got
married in march. she is a tiny little thing with a beautiful face. she was
worried that she wouldnt look beautiful on her wedding day. do u see what i
am trying to say here? its not our size, shape or weight that makes us
beautiful. its whats INSIDE that counts. obviously ur hubby to be & his
family love u. more obviously so does ur family. i say...to heck with what
people will think...take that mans hand on sept 9 & thank god for him.
if he is marrying u the way u r presently imagine how hes going to feel
when the 'new' u emerges!!! good luck!!!
— sheryl titone
June 28, 2001
I am five months post op. I got married three years ago. I was a bit
ashamed of how I looked so I had a very small wedding.Only family. I wish I
had had a big one. You only get married once. Don't let your size hold you
back.Your fiance and family love you. You are a very pretty girl!
When I reach my goal weight I am going to have a wedding vow renewal
because I want to have a REAL wedding and real wedding dress. I was too
afraid to buy one for my wedding. All my friends and family will be there
this time. And no matter what I should'nt have been ashamed of how I
looked. My hubby thought I was beautiful,I'm sure yours will too!
— Vel K.
June 28, 2001
I agree with everyone else and believe you are a very beautiful woman. You
are 6 wks post op and the wedding isn't until Sept 9 so you will probably
lose quite a bit of wt in the next couple of months. I would be more
concerned on how in the world to determine if your wedding gown will fit
and not be too big! You are going to make your fiance very proud. Please
try to be self confident and enjoy this very special day in your life. You
look mah- ve- lous!
— Marilyn C.
June 29, 2001
A friend recently complimented me on an outfit I was wearing. My response
was "I am so tired of being fat". She told me that the people
that love me don't see what I do, they see the real me, the person inside
and couldn't care less about the "outside package" because they
love what is inside. I think sometimes we project our feelings about
ourselves onto the people around us. They may be concerned about our
weight for health reasons, but don't see us in the negative light that we
see ourselves. You apparently have found a man who loves the whole of you
- don't let him go.....
— Debbi C.
June 29, 2001
I spent nearly 10 years avoiding college friends who were very important to
me. I made up excuses for every event I was invited to. Last weekend was
the wedding of the last of us to marry. Even though I weigh more now than
I did when I was in college AND have lost 145 lbs, I was anxious about
seeing them. One of my friends told me, "Hey, we all age and gain
weight - it's a part of life." I did go, actually was told by a
friend that I look SMALLER now than in college (I guess pregnancy and
gravity and wls has played a role). I am very glad that I went, because I
had a wonderful time. You are beautiful and will be at your desired weight
in time. Don't worry what the others think - just your husband to be!
Treasure every moment with him and don't worry about the trivial. I can
tell you from experience, because I lost mine in a car accident. Worrying
and fussing about things that don't matter are not important - your life,
love, and future are. Best wishes for a beautiful wedding and many years
together.
— [Deactivated Member]
June 29, 2001
Christy... I saw your picture... and if you did not lose another pound...
You are beautiful... I wanted to Congratulate you on your wedding plans...
I would put on that dress... look the man you love in the eyes... receive
that ring :-) ... and hold your head high... U GO GIRL!!!
— California J.
June 29, 2001
I know that you feel this way now looking at yourself and as everyone
before me has said you are so pretty. believe me, I think that once you
have on the wedding dress and have your hair done you will feel beautifal.
And as someone said before you will probably lose alot more wieght by then.
Go for it and have the best wedding ever( not to mention the honeymoon).
— Cori W.
June 29, 2001
You are a beautiful woman.. I hope you can get through this feeling and
have a wonderful wedding. Try talking w/ your Dr perhaps you need some
antidpressants or some counseling and a support group to help you through
this time.
— [Anonymous]
June 29, 2001
You my GOSH! How beautiful you are! I think that you will be a beautiful
brise and your guest are lucky to be there. If they are going to whisper
bad things about you those are the people that should not be invited. I bet
that you will have to have your dress fitted a bunch of times! Good luck
and God bless your marriage!
— Heather C.
June 29, 2001
Sweetie, you are a BEAUTIFUL GIRL!! Your wedding day is your special day,
and you will be a princess. Sounds to me that you have found a truly
wonderful man to spend your life with, and that should be the only thing on
your mind. My very best wishes to you and your lucky fiance. I will say a
prayer for you the morning of September 9th.
— Helena R.
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