Question:
In general, what kind of reaction have post-ops who have dropped a lot of weight

what type of reactions have you had from friends, family, and co-workers? have people been supportive of the "new you"? any obvious jealousy, or people who you expected support from who aren't giving it? if people weren't supportive, how did you handle it? thanks.    — melanie S. (posted on January 30, 2001)

January 30, 2001
I have had alot of good responses re my weight loss. I ahve lsot 86 pounds in 6 months. I am down to 189 in a size 14. Some comment that I am getting too thin?? I want to get to at least 150 at 5'8". Most people stand by you, unless of coarse they are insecure themselves. Good luck
   — michelle M.

January 30, 2001
About six months or so after my surgery, I arranged to have dinner with a couple of friends I hadn't seen since well before that time. I got there early (the curse of the obsessive compulsive) and was waiting for them in the lobby of the restaurant. My friend Elaine came in and walked RIGHT PAST ME. She was shocked when I said who I was -- but then again, I was about 100 pounds smaller than the last time she saw me. I've been very lucky ... just about everyone I know has been incredibly supportive of my surgery and recovery. I figure tough cookies for anyone who isn't ... as I learned long ago in Overeaters Anonymous, "what other people think of me is none of my business". I've gone from a 5X to 1X or XL (depending on the make), and I feel great -- and I did this surgery for myself, not for anyone else. My husband's thrilled, my kids are thrilled, I'm thrilled ... life is good. I'd do this again in half a heartbeat.
   — Cheryl Denomy

January 30, 2001
Very good question. It's been interesting to me to watch not only other people's reaction to my weight loss, but also my own. A lot of it will depend on how in tune your friends/family are and how often they see you. For example, someone who sees you EVERY day may not see the changes immediately. I noticed changes myself when I got out of the hospital. It took most people around me 1-2 months to notice I was losing. Church is where I get the most comments. There is not a Sunday that goes by when someones approaches me about my weight loss. The comments have been very supportive and affirming, and I have used these opportunities to talk about WLS and about how it works (and doesn't work). For some people, it has been quite an education for them. My dad really likes the changes. My mother has very little to say about it. This is a bit disappointing. My mother was ALWAYS the one harping on my weight growing up, and I wish she would be more supportive of my success now, but that's my mom. Criticism has always been a part of her personality, compliments have not. I accept that and don't have any illusions about changing it. Work is interesting because I made the choice not to tell my co-workers about my WLS. But I know through the grape vine that my weight loss has been noticed. What I am seeing now is that although I am still heavy (202, down from 298), I do not stick out as much in a crowd. I blend in, and when I blend in, I become "like everyone else", therefore my weight loss may not be as noticeable. When I was pre-op I wrestled with how to handle comments and was almost wishing no one would say anything. Now that I have been receiving lots of positive comments but that I am also beginning to blend in as my weight loss slows, there are times when I miss the compliments. (If this makes any sense to you, I give you a gold star.) While I have not had any jealousy issues to deal with, I have noticed that other obese people I know have been less complimentary - not rude or unsupportive, just very quite about my weight loss. Perhaps by complimenting me, they would feel guilty or depressed about themselves. Because I understand what it means to be obese, this does not bother me. I can only be thankful that I have been given a tool to help manage my disease. Jealousy is a common thing, though, and if it happens, don't stress over it. People who are not supportive of your efforts will be people who probably weren't really your friends to begin with. As obese people, we are often made to feel like we must accept second best, and this includes our friends. To anyone who is pre-op, be careful not to obsess over other people's reactions to your surgery. The bottom line is that you have to do what's best for you, your health and your happiness.
   — Paula G.

January 30, 2001
Oh the reactions! I've seen a lot of different ones ... amazement, disbelief, jealousy, total joy, grudging respect ... I've gone from a 22/24 to a 10 in 8 months, have lost 112 pounds and am PAST my goal weight ... and still losing. My mother, also my worst critic when I was big, now harps at me to STOP LOSING!!! She also told my sister that even though she completely opposed my surgery, SHE now wants it, even though she is no way near the required BMI. Most of my friends have been so supportive. I have had some jealousy, but that is okay. It can't be easy for them to watch me go from that fat girl they knew to someone thinner than they are. I have inspired some to diet and I feel so helpless for them, knowing how that didn't help me a lick. At kiddie playtime today, one of the other mothers talked about how much weight she'd put on during her pregnancy. I said, "Oh, me too! I just got done losing over 100 pounds!" and she was shocked. She said, "You are so tiny, I can't believe it!" (I love it when they use the word tiny!!! I'm 6' tall, it doesn't happen a lot!) Most people are shocked that haven't seen me in a long time, but in a good way. Others who didn't know me then tell me, "Oh, I can't imagine you ever being fat." It is a nice feeling. Now that I am more used to how I did it and what I've done for myself, I am more forthcoming about the surgery and it is easy for me to talk about it. Hope this was somewhat helpful!
   — Beth B.

January 30, 2001
Several times I've had people step between my dh & me and ask him if he was there alone. Hahah! Probably the best was that I had moved just about the time I reached goal. I went from a tight 28 to a size 3 in about 13 months, so they hadn't seen me between say, 150 # and 110#. I stopped by my ex-pharmacy (one of my regular hang-outs when full sized), and just said HI. The girl sorta looked THROUGH me, then said, "Are you looking for someone?" HUH? I KNEW her, I'd been there more than 2X per week for years! I'd only been gone a few months. So, I nodded. "Are you looking for me?" Nod. So, she started loking at me more closely and said, "Are you Michelle?" I'm still not believing this, so I nod. Then, sniff, she threw herself in my very surprised arms and started crying and said, "You're BEAUTIFUL!" Oh my, what a soggy mess the two of us were!
   — vitalady

January 30, 2001
Melanie, I have a few heavy friends who thought I was nuts when I first did the surgery and now are a little envious (though I never push anyone to consider it - unless they ask me for information). The support from my co-workers was great and those who haven't seen me for awhile or since before the surgery are amazed (I still look in the mirror and wonder if the image looking back is really me!!!). All and all it has been a positive experience!
   — Carrie G.