Question:
I swear I am not on a pity trip, I am just curious to know if I'm alone...
Maybe it's just because I am having a crummy time lately, but I have always had these issues- Since surgery I have become addicted to prescription pain pills (and sometimes sleeping pills). I know we have addictive personalities, but since being unable to comfort myself with food any longer (I dump like nobodys business) I find these are the only things that make me happy. I had open rny 6-21-01.. I have gone from 250 to 127 (5ft 4in) and yet I still feel horrible about myself.. I'm not firm & I have too much skin in my arms, stomach, and thighs.. what used to be a double chin is now this waddling piece of skin, and my boobs are a joke...like deflated candy corn. It's gross! I can't afford plastic surgery and I have no insurance- I'm told if I did my problems aren't severe enough for them to pay. I am so miserable I can't stand it. Has anyone felt like this or known someone in a similar situation? I'm desperate for opinions or suggestions on how to cope! Thanks, Stephanie — sgeisendorff (posted on July 14, 2004)
July 14, 2004
We are the same height and weight now (and I assume our naked bodies look
the same lol). I am seeing a therapist once a week to learn how to deal
with the new me. It has helped tremendously. I highly recommend seeing
someone about your addiction to pain pills and get counseling for your self
image issues. I can't pay for plastics either, so I am just going to live
with whatever insurance won't pay for (most of it). Take care.. I know it's
hard.
— SarahC
July 14, 2004
OMG! You are not alone. I had my surgery 2.19.03 and have went from 278 to
163 (5' 7) I have floppy, nasty, wrinkly skin on my stomach and my thighs,
hips.. my butt is saggy..dont feel bad..and yes, breast do look like
deflated candy corn, esp. given I went from a 42C to 34/36 B. dont feel
bad... you are not alone. I have taken meds when I have had no business
takin them, but sometimes you just need to sleep for hours on end till the
crummy moment passes.
— Carla M.
July 14, 2004
Stephanie, I know just how you feel. I was on Vicodin after surgery and it
was the only thing that made me feel better. I had a very rough recovery
and the pills would just make everything go numb, including my brain.
About 4 months after surgery, I developed a kidney stone (my 8th). At that
time I was dealing with the military health care system, which can move
painfully (and I do mean PAINFULLY, in my case) slow. After 4 months of
delays in getting treatment, the stone was so huge I had to have a special
procedure to break it up so I could pass it. During those months, I was
practically living on Percocet. I tried not to use it unless I really
needed it for pain, but all too often I would find myself taking one
anyway, especially if I was having a rough day or my kids were making me
nuts. Then I could just sort of detach from everything and glide through
the rest of my day. Not good!
I'm off them now but I know I have an addictive personality and they were
filling a void. I've since filled that void with exercise, which is a
healthy addiction I guess. Honey, I strongly suggest getting into
counseling to deal with all the changes your body is going through. There
is nothing wrong with seeking help. You've admitted you have a problem so
now you can get help. That is a good thing. Meantime, start saving your
pennies for some plastics or look into the possibility of having it
financed. There are lots of places out there to get financing for elective
surgeries and it may be worth the investment if it helps you feel better.
Hugs, Jody
— MomBear2Cubs
July 14, 2004
Oh my, those pain pills are tempting, aren't they? I think antidepressants
may help (they helped me). Maybe some counseling for body image. One
thing that struck me in this journey was that even though I was thin, that
body I had been envisioning since I was a teenager was not to be. My
plastic surgeon has a saying to help people with expectations...
"improvement, not perfection". That applies to our journey too.
After being MO for so long, we have to accept the fact that most of us
won't end up with that perfect body that we've been envisioning all those
years "if we could just lose the weight!". We'll have battle
scars that consist of hanging skin, even after reconstructive surgery
(which I've had). So whenever I get hung up on how bad my saggy thighs
look in a bathing suit, I always remind myself that's it's way better than
the alternative.
— mom2jtx3
July 14, 2004
You might also try the Body Image Workbook by Thomas Cash. I agree after
massive weight loss and even with plastic surgery, we will not have a body
that will usually grace the cover of playboy magazine. The thing is to
expect improvement not perfection and learning to live in and love the body
you have. That's something I still find myself working on even though I've
had all my ps.
— Lisa N M.
July 14, 2004
It's funny, but tonight I was just posting how horrible I feel. I too have
been down about the body issues, thighs, tummy, boobs... you name it.
I am right there with you. I wish I had some motivational advise to
say...."go get em", but I am feeling just as depressed as you
are. I wish I had more money to get the plastic surgery done, and I even
have filled out the application for Extreme Makeover.
Narcotics can sort of put you in a fantasy world, and make you
"forget" about your problems, but they don't solve them. I know
when I am having back issues, it is easy to take them when my back is not
hurting... just to feel better in my head. I think in fact, if I had heavy
duty drugs at my fingertips, I would be very easily seduced into addiction.
— KismetQT
July 14, 2004
OMG, oh honey do you have any contact with a support group? If you do get
yourself there. I would suggest that you get professional counseling but
from the sounds of it you may not be able to swing it financially. If you
have contact with a support group it may help to go and put your heart on
the table and see if there are any ladies or guys that can just be there to
listen to you and lift you up mentally. Sort of like what this Q & A
forum does. Hope this is a suggestion that will help you.
— ChristineB
July 14, 2004
I think you are depressed. Can you get to a doctor and tell him how you
feel. He will probably prescribe antidepressants. I have the same
problems with my appearance (I have lost 140 pounds) but I am so thankful
that I look "normal" when I am dressed that I don't care about
the saggy skin and boobs. I can't afford the surgery either but I do take
50 mgs of Zoloft every day. Please get some help.
— Elanda
July 15, 2004
I am so sorry to hear you are depressed but look into the health dept in
your area. Most have a mental health dept and the fees are on scale to
what you can afford. There is nothing wrong with getting help. What IS
wrong is when you don't ask. Seems you are getting better just knowing to
get on this computer and ask the questions. Just get out there and fight.
We know you are strong because you fought and went for the surgery. I read
your profile. Maybe you should re-read it. Sounds like a strong woman to
me. Just take one day at a time. Find new challenges and find things you
like to do to stay busy. You can do this. We will all be praying for you
to do it. Carol
— sassyc47
July 15, 2004
(((Stephanie))) I'm having a similar experience as you right now having
gone from 295.5 to 140 in the past 15 months. My poor boobies are so
deflated that the left gal is concave! They both look like 4000 yo mummy
boobies! My tummy looks like a lump of pizza dough, and my arms and thighs
look about 90 years old! Yikes! I can't afford plastics right now either.
This is how I cope--Jesus! I'm just slowly coming to the realization that
He can help with our ordinary, everday lives. I've learned that serving Him
instead of myself takes all the pressure off of me. I'm completely honest
with Him & tell Him when I'm feeling sorry for myself. He's the only
one who really gets it! I could keep on preaching, but you get the
picture. You've got to get off those pain-killers and sleep meds girl!
They are BAD, BAD, BAD! Taking your problems to God is the only real way
to cope. Anything else is just a temporary fix, don'tcha know! When only
tangible comfort will do, I buy clothes! Right now we are without income
so going to the mall is not an option, but last week I bought 6 pairs of
fabulous pants at the ARC Thrift Store for $25! So hang in there
Stephanie! As the song goes: "Accentuate the positive! Eliminate the
negative." Feel free to e-mail: [email protected]
— fowlerloriann
July 15, 2004
Stephanie, As one who regained 200 lbs (pre WLS) due to severe depression
and having issues with many of the things you talk about I cannot urge you
enough to get some professional help and now. It is horrible to end up
sabotaging something as wonderful as losing a lot of weight. It takes time
to work through all the issues and come to terms with the things we cannot
control but it can happen. While it was horrible to go through the process
I did, I truly feel it prepared me to deal with making the decision to have
WLS and deal with the changes etc. afterwards. I would not have wanted to
go through WLS without my depression meds, counselor and psychiatrist. As
controlled as my depression has been for about 5 years, I still have some
rough times here and there after WLS, but fortunately they were short lived
because I had a strong support system already in place to help me through
the rough times. Feel free to write me direct if you wish. Please pick up
the phone today and make an appointment with your PCP or surgeon. Take
that first step! Life with controlled depression is really a great life
and I sure never want to go back to where I was!
— zoedogcbr
July 16, 2004
Hi Stephanie! Every single person is correct that you need to see a
professional and your local health department is the way to go!! For your
body image issues think about this.......consider buying a good quality
compression garmet. It will hold everything in place and make you feel
better about yourself. Veronique is a good brand. I know they're kind of
exensive but I swear you can buy just one and wash it every day and it will
last FOREVER! My favorite is the full body with legs that go almost to my
knees (What?? wear shorts with these jiggly thighs????). It has worked
wonders for my self-esteem because I don't feel like a bowl of jello all
the time. Victoria's Secret also makes a bra called VERY SEXY that works
miracles at putting "the girls" back where they're supposed to
be. If you can't afford these items you might consider speaking with your
pastor or support group to request assistance in paying for them.
Regarding prescription drugs - you are correct, we have addictive
personalities. My thoughts are this - you aren't taking them to get high.
You're taking them to feel good and there really is a difference. The
beauty of therapy and possibly antidepressants is that you can feel good in
a healthy and contstructive manner rather than in the self destructive
manner that abusing prescription pain medication causes. You have taken
the first step in seeking help by coming here and you've been given great
advice. I know you will do well - just get help now and don't put it off.
Best wishes to you!
— ronascott
July 19, 2004
I know how you feel about the self image. I took that pity party trip
myself. I didn't expect to look like a movie star afterwards. I did it
for health reasons, but I didn't expect to look like a deflated beach ball.
One day I heard my fat, aka loose skin, make noises and still moving
after I stopped. That was the lowest day for me. I thought why did I do
this, if I was going to look worst afterwards. Then I saw a TV show with
people who didn't have an arm, leg or other deformities that they can't
hide with long pants or long sleeves. Then it dawned on me. I am lucky to
have legs and arms, so what if I have twice as much skin as I need on them,
I do have them. I thought I had problems until I saw a person with more
problems than myself. Sounds like you are substituting the problem you
used to have with food, to problems with medications. You have issues you
still haven't dealt with. You should seek help so you can complete your
recovery from your old life and embrace your new life. Along with
counseling, try exercising if you aren't. It gives you some control back
and helps.
— june22
July 22, 2004
Stephanie, I have not gotten my surgery yet, but what I hear in your voice
is depression. Also, I have dealt with obsessive compulsive disorder and
sounds to me like you may be dealing with a little bit of that too. Almost
all cities have some kind of mental health system that will charge you by
what you make, try that. I have. don't feel bad about not being able to
pay, you need the help. Once you get yourself on an even keel, then you
will be able to explore other ways to get surgery to get you where you want
to be. Just remember that we didn't get overweight in a day or a week or a
year and we aren't going to get to our prime image in a day or a week, hey
it may take a year, but little by little it will happen. God didn't let
you get this far without having some plan for you in mind. Start looking
for government grants, medically needy programs etc. Email me if you want,
I know about depression, obsessive compulsive and having to fight for the
things that I want and I would love to be able to pass on what has taken so
long to accept. God Bless and keep fighting, Believe me you are not alone.
We care. Email me at [email protected]
— imdebbie
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