Question:
wife does not want me to have it done. any ideals
— donnie (posted on April 5, 2004)
April 5, 2004
What is her reasoning? There are several guys here at obesityhelp who have
had the surgery successfully. Perhaps they will respond to your question
too. I'd suggest you find a support group in your local area and take your
wife to it. Perhaps meeting others who have had it will encourage her to
support you in your efforts.
— Cindy R.
April 5, 2004
Is your wife MO? She may fear loosing her eating buddy, loosing her hubby
when he is slim and trim, and MO herself she may be afraid of havuing
surgery herself. please tell us more so we can help. jen my wife was anti
surgery at the begining and went on to have it herself
— bob-haller
April 5, 2004
Attend some local support group meetings, take a postie down 100 to dinner,
hear there story, see their pictures, this really helps.
— bob-haller
April 5, 2004
ask her why. if she says that she "heard" alot of bad things
about wls then tell her to find out correct info and not to go by rumors. i
think once she reads up on it or hears from other that have had wls she
will be ok.
— franbvan
April 5, 2004
Donnie,
There is a wonderful article on Barbara Thompson's website entitled
"Letter to Significant Other". I shared this letter with my
reluctant husband very early on in my research and it completely changed
his opinion on the surgery and the reasons behind why I wanted to have the
procedure done. The addy is wls.center.com I highly recommend it!
— chelle3081
April 5, 2004
Let your Wife read Track McCreary's profile and see how well he's done-he's
an inspiration to alot of us!
— doit 2.
April 5, 2004
Wow! I went to answer your question and someone directed you to my
profile...it is a small world, and a close knot family isn't it! I am
pleased that I can be of some help to others. Anyway...I think you need to
pin down why your wife is hesitant, is it the risk of death? the risk of
complications, cost? change in lifestyle? There are any number of variables
that crop up in the course of this journey, on both sides of the fenxce for
patient and spouse! I know that initially my wife was 'uncertain' about it,
just due to all the bad press that is out there, but she is a scientist,
and logic and deductive reasoning ruled, and she understood that my life,
if I continued on the course I was on, was not going to be one of any fun,
or hope or health. Then the question of death comes along, as well it
should, nothing is a given. Life has progressed, and obviously, I am still
here and kicking! The pounds are melting away, and life is good. It became
a bit rocky when I approached my wife's weight, and then went below her
weight, we don't talk about that much, walking on eggshells...lol... but
she can see the tremendous changes that have happened. She knows I'm not
going anywhere, and if things proceed as they have been, we'll be together
for another 20 years or so. There is a lot of doubts and uncertainty that
crop up, and they need to be addressed head on. Reading of profiles,
looking at the before and after pictures, in fact, let her come onto the
AMOS board, and ask her own questions, where else to get unbiased info,
than from the proverbial horses' mouth? Peruse the library files, get a
subscription to OH magazine. An informed mind is a satisfied mind! Good
luck!
— track
April 6, 2004
I had the same problem as you. As we discussed it further, she was still
not in agreement but understood my decision and accepted it. Then I had a
small complication the day after surgery and she feaked out. She was still
hostile to the whole surgery for about a month and a half afterwards, but
now that I'm almost a year out things are better than ever. It was a rough
period for a while, but ultimately you have to do what you have to do. If
your relationship is strong and you are honest and open with each other
then she has to respect your decision. If not, you will have to choose
between your wife and the surgery. I don't think any loving spouse would be
that selfish to inflict their will on the other like that. This will be a
real test to the strength of your relationship.
— K W.
April 6, 2004
A lot of us, if not most of us, encounter some kind of resistance with
people we care about. In my case, it was the parents more than the husband,
but I've heard some horror stories involving just about anyone in a
person's life. First of all, try to educate her like Bob said, by meeting
real posties. Dig up all the statistics you can, too. A lot of folks out
there (and I used to be one of them!) have some out-dated ideas of what
this surgery is, and what the risks are. Yes, they're there, but it's
nowhere like it was 20 years ago. Some also just want to avoid the stigma
of owning up to the problem as being as severe as it is and having to admit
they'd had to go to such "drastic" measures. Try to get under her
skin and find out exactly what her problem is with this surgery. If her
primary opposition is looking out for your health-the statistics prove that
your health and comfort will increase exponentially. To get her to see your
point, you may have to make some difficult and embarrassing admissions
about just what your weight has done to you physically and emotionally and
how it interferes with your behavior. I was into hiding my shortcomings and
my feelings, and nobody, not even my husband, was really aware of just how
miserable and in pain I was. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but
if it is, coming clean can have a tremendous positive effect on both of
you. Best of luck!
— christied
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