Question:
How can you get over the loneliness feeling from no support?

Up until last week I've been feeling very good about my decision to go ahead with the wls I've turned in all my papperwork and saw my surgeon just waiting for insurance . I said I would only tell very close friends which is about 3 people plus my parents. So far I have gotten no support I told my very best friend who is obese herself and thought she would understand but all she said was that's the easy way out and i need to pray to overcome this disease. She have joined jenny craig and that is wonderful for her but I'm tired, I have tried all of that and I'm only getting bigger. Lately I've been feeling so depressed and alone I wished I never open my mouth to anyone including my parents. Have anyone else regretted letting others know ? — shae7755 (posted on September 22, 2003)

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September 22, 2003
I support you :o) I went through the same thing, even my husband did not want me getting it done, but he stood by my side 100%, he was all I had before and after until this web site! My family and friends all called me crazy, stupid and said I was taking the easy way out. Ya what ever lol. I had alot of emotional issues after and cried alot from feeling alone and having no one to help me with questions and what not, but before I had the surgery I knew this was my decision and I wanted it bad enough to say "forget you, im doing it". Now at 1 year post-op and 130# lighter, I could care less what anyone feels about it and now im starting to hear the BS over me getting RS in Jan. Oh well, it's my life and I feel great! I would go through this all over again. Good luck hun and do what YOU want to do!
— Sandy M.

September 22, 2003
I also support you. I have had friends who were vehemently against my surgery. My mom was 2 years ago, then called me last Thanksgiving and said that she supported me. My sister called me the same day with the same comment. For those who think it is the easy way out, I asked them - How many times have you dieted and gained it all back with extra? I also ask - do you think it's easy to go under the knife? To make a commitment to go through a major life change? As I lose weight most of those nay-sayers have come around. I went from a wheelchair - to walking! I picked those I felt comfortable telling and didn't mention it to others. One Morbidly Obese friend told me that anyone considering this surgery was resorting to self mutiliation. She has finally come around and has asked for information about the surgery. She would have never considered it on her own. I find that many do not like the idea solely out of ignorance or fear. I am 5mos PO and down 76lbs. As for praying, I prayed to God for an answer - I don't know if it was divine providence, but I found this website and alot of info about the surgery and I had no idea it existed 2 years ago. I could not longer walk and was confined to a wheelchair most of my time. I kept going and told everyone to keep up, or move aside. I wanted a more productive life. It's hard, but try not to let the nay-sayers get you down. My best to you -
— M B.

September 22, 2003
First of all, Im sending you a great big hug!!! I feel so bad for you but chin up.....you are in good company here at Obesityhelp.com It is my main support system and read the messages everyday for a connection. I too had a great friend that told me the same thing...I learned later that she was upset because she didn't have the insurance or money for the surgery herself and was upset that I could get the surgery done... We still talk but the close friendship is gone. She says I have changed but the truth is her friendship had boundries on it. Pray for your friend for understanding and focus on your future!! I will be praying that your insurance company gives you the go ahead. Email me anytime, I support you in this!! See your support is starting already.
— RitaJean

September 22, 2003
Shun, you will find lots of support here. One thing you may want to do is to go to the Find Peers link on this site and look up those who live in the same town as you and contact them via E-mail. When you get a surgery date, you can also go to the Surgery dates link and find lots of people scheduled the same day as you. I did both of those things and had an entire on line support network of those that had surgery the same day as me and a few who lived in my area who had the surgery and were able to help me both pre- and post op. Also, look around for a support group in your area and go to it pre-op and make friends. No one understands more what you are going thru than those of us who have been there, done that. Your best friend is a tough one-she is probably jealous that you are having it and perhaps a little hurt that you are leaving her behind. It will only get worse as you slim down and she struggles with Jennie Craig or whatever other diet she tries. You may have to give up your friendship unfortunately. I didn't tell my parents until I was 3 mo post-op as I was afraid they would be negative and hurt my feelings! Bottom line, you do what is best for you and develop your own support group...
— Cindy R.

September 22, 2003
I'm here to support you! I feel badly for you but also very excited...you have done the right thing by choosing wls. You know, I'm lucky that my close friends are supportive (the big ones and the little ones). I heard something at my support group that hit home. It was about how the thin feel about obese. They think that if they are thin, it's because they are doing something right. In reality, it's most likely genetics keeping them thin. But when they think they are doing something right, then they think the obese are doing something wrong. So many hear the phrase "walk a mile..." but few ever do it. I'm shocked your obese friend did not understand - maybe she is just jealous because while you get thin, she'll pay Jenny Craig to get fatter. It's a fact, you know! All those diets are how all of us got so fat. Just smile at their non-supportiveness - you'll get the last laugh and all the support you need on this site. I agree with the poster who said find a local peer. :) hugs!
— Donya P.

September 22, 2003
Like Maggie I also prayed and God led me to this web -site. I would like to say I am your friend, I too told my Best friend out of ignorance, that I would do it the normal way,and then I watched as she achieved success. She went from 367to 140, and a size 8. She is full of energy and life.She was loving to me in my ignorance and encouraging, when I started thinking about it myself. Thank God for this web-site and all the info. and support that has been a great help in my journey. Also I would encourage you to find a support group in your area ,mine allows those who haven't yet had surgery but are in the process. Good luck and my prayers are with you.
— teresa W.

September 22, 2003
heya hun.. one way to help with the lonliness..join a support group online..it helps you stay anonamous..(spellin..lol).. that can be a big comfort i think.. also.. get active in something you really enjoy..*reading, sewing, hiking, something..* the busier you stay the less time you have to worry..also..not everyone will understand.. alot will speak out against it.. in the end..you have to decide.. and most will change there minds after surgery..*ex: my sis called the nite before surgery..to tell me goodbye..and that she hoped i had made my peace with god*.. i was very hurt.. she was soo against me having surgery..but now she sees how well i am doing.. and doesnt speak against me anymore..*still not full support..lol*.. people are against it for many reasons.. fear, jealousy, anger, ignorance.. just know that in the end you will make the decision that is best for you..no one else can do that..let everyone know..you have made the decision..they need to support you..even if they do not agree with the surgery..good luck..feel free to email..huggles..
— johanna F.

September 22, 2003
I'm 6 wks post-op and down 46 lbs. When I started researching this procedure 2 years ago, I thought it would be a quick fix. Not! I already feel better about myself. That's what counts. If you are happy with who you are, you can make others that matter to you happy. My husband is also heavy, and he is afraid of the surgery. However, he stood by me 100% and it hasn't been easy. People that really matter, your loved ones, will love you no matter what size you are. If someone doesn't want to be around you because you lost, or are losing, the weight, then their friendship came with conditions. They ought to be really happy for you because the weight will stay off for good, no more yo-yo dieting, which is bad for your health. That's the no 1 reason for this whole thing anyway: good health! The way we will look when the weight is gone for me is secondary. Yes, on the outside that's what everybody will see, but the health the the most important thing! Since my surgery I am already off my high blood pressure meds, because my HBP is down. Explain that the surgery is only a tool, you still have to do the hard work. It's just that if you cheat, you'll get sick. Jenny Craig is her tool, the surgery is yours. Good Luck!
— Marika M.

September 22, 2003
I'm continually amazed at how many people think this is "the easy way out!" Of course it isn't!!! That statement is usually made by people who don't have a clue about how this whole process works. I don't regret telling people but I certainly don't pay any attention to anyone who is negative. If they don't support me, they don't matter anyway. Just hang in there, do what you think is right for you, and ignore those who would so freely tell you what you need to do rather than supporting you in your decisions.
— SCbabe B.

September 23, 2003
Well, lovey, first things first: hug hug hug!!!! Now, about others' reactions: well, I sure found out who my friends were. For me...it was everybody!!! I cannot believe the 100% support I have been shown from family and from friends. Not one negative comment. And I was really ready to catch it from my family but, nope! They really came through. Even my father who I thought would trot out the old tired lines about "discipline" and "restraint" and "mind over body" didn't do any of that. Well, we can't change our family...but we sure can change our friends, right? Start out with the Message Board every day and write to folks there, tell everyone what is happening for you every day. Then, as you lose weight and become the New You, make new friends who celebrate you and want only what makes you happy. There is a whole new world of wonder waiting for you! Meanwhile, write to me anytime, dear, I'm glad to hear your news. Good luck!!!
— Deborah M.

September 23, 2003
Hi Sweetie All I can say is you have all the support you will ever need in this website. I understand how you are feeling but remember you are never alone. I'm here for you as I'm sure alot of others are in this site. If you want you can e-mail as well. (see my profile for info) I have not had my surgery yet however my surgery date is 10/22/03. I have only told a few people because I didn't want any negative fed back. Your friend will come around after she sees the new and healthier you. Remember this is a tool given to us to have a fuller and happier life. Sometimes its hard for people to accept that someone else is going for theirs. Who knows maybe she''ll have it done after she sees the new you. Sometimes people are just afraid for us however if you have made this decision more power to you girl and remember we will be here for you. This site has been awesome to me.
— Mildred M.

September 23, 2003
Well, amen, consider your prayers answered! You are overcoming the problem with surgery and your huge support system is right here. About regretting telling some people. I kept my surgery to myself except my family and 5 of my closest friends. I was very nervous telling them, but luckily they've been a great support. They have always been thin and I don't know if that makes a difference. Your obese friend may be jealous. My obese neighbor won't even talk to me since I've lost 123 pounds. That's OK - never liked her much anyway!
— Yolanda J.

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