Question:
how can I answer my husbands concerns/fears about the WLS
— sissie S. (posted on July 7, 2003)
July 7, 2003
What you need to do is introduce your hubby to some post ops who are down
at least 100 pounds. Take one to dinner, hear their stories, see their
pictures. Surgery has risks but so does remaining MO. Diabetes, sleep
apnea, high blood pressuree, high cholestrol, arthritis and joint pain all
contribuite to shortening the lives of the MO. Most cl;ear up altogether or
are greatly improved after WLS. Buy Barb thompsons book it has a special
section for
spouses.<P>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1891231758/qid=1039629379/sr=8-3/ref=sr_8_3/103-3189628-7015065?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
— bob-haller
July 7, 2003
I agree with the other poster...if nothing else, get him on here to read
about others in your position. I think your husband sounds sweet and
caring, but like many people who aren't MO or SMO he just doesn't
understand all the things that make us this way and that there are far
worse things than this "cure". And before anyone jumps on the
word cure, we ALL know this isn't a cure, but as close as I've ever found!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 7, 2003
Dear Hubby, I love you dearly. This surgery is something I have thought
long and hard about. I see our lives together without it and then I
visualize our lives after it. I WANT this. This isn't a whim like buying
shoes 40% off. I truely believe that I, no WE, will benifit from it. I will
feel better about myself. I know you love my but I want to sit in a booth
and not have my stomache hang over the table. I want to ride the rollar
coaster and not fall off (happened at Darien Lake, I want to wear a
seetbelt and not have to move rolls to get it to buckle up. I know you love
me. The person inside is who you love and that will not change I just want
to change my outside.
There is a whole website to look up answers to your questions. USE IT. Go
to a support group with me to meet people who have had it done. Ask them
questions.
Know that I love you and that I want to be with you. I just want to be a
little thinner while we're going through life. :o) This is something that
really means a lot to me.
Love - ME
— Rebecca K.
July 7, 2003
I know my answer is weird but urge him to go to a support group with you.
My husband was totally freaked by this surgery until he meet someone who
had had it done. Then he was "OK". Look through some of the
postings there are some great ones hear about being "fat". I
believe that people just don't understand what we go through. You need to
for this for YOU. You need to understand that this is the one thing in your
life that will be done for YOU. Even if he isn't for it I wouldn't let it
stop you. I put my surgery off 4 years because of my husband I could cry
over the wasted years. The only thing you can do is educate him. Make sure
you realize he may have fears you'll get thin and leave him. I had a fight
with my husband over a imaginary boyfriend a week before my surgery. He
stated with "When you get a boyfriend..." It was dumb but he had
fears. I am four weeks post op and down 50 pounds. Also I have looked at
this surgery for 10 years I have only found 1 person EVER who regretted
doing it.
— Rebecca K.
July 7, 2003
Thank you all for your quick response, I will get Barb's book and take him
to a support group. The letter is a great idea too. We talk alot, but do
also send notes back and forth on our computers. I don't think my husband
has the fear of losing me to another, I lost 98 pounds 13 years ago and he
loved it. I loved it too. You guys encouragement is great. I will get my
psyc review day after tomorrow. Can't wait. Trouble is I get all excited
and then he is still so down about it. He forgot to not like it once a
week ago and reached over and huged me and said " How much of this
will be gone after your surgery? Trouble is that the next Sunday he heard
a wonderful sermon on miracles in peoples lives and now he is hoping for
that for me without the surgery.
— sissie S.
July 7, 2003
I made sure my husband was involved every step of the way from Consult,
through all the classes, the research I did, he did too and we talked and
talked and talked. I was in so much physical pain and discomfort prior to
my surgery that he wanted whatever it took for me to feel better. AND I
DO! He's my friend, my encourager, my confidant and my biggest
cheerleader. My surgeon's office required several classes prior to
surgery. The education helped him be confident we were doing the right
thing.
— Cathy S.
July 8, 2003
The support group I attend encourages support people (spouses, friends,
siblings, parents) to also attend. Would he go with you to a meeting to
learn more about it? Over the 33 years you've been together, I'm sure he
has seen you struggle with diet and exercise more than once - remind him of
this. If you don't have comorbids now, let him know of the laundry list of
serious ailments that you will face as you get older. The long term
nutritional consequences of poor absorption shouldn't be an issue if you
take your supplements regularly and go for post-op blood work as
recommended by the surgeon. About being "hacked up inside", how
would he feel if you needed to have a breast removed for cancer? You are
remedying a medical condition with WLS, just as you would with breast
cancer. It will be easier to follow the strict diet because you will have
dumping to keep you away from the bad stuff (assuming you are having RNY),
you won't feel hungry since the surgery alters your hungry hormone and
restricts how much you can eat, and most importantly, because you will see
results with WLS and keep you motivated. There are emotional roots as well
and you might want to start seeing a therapist even pre-op to ensure long
term success.
— Yolanda J.
July 8, 2003
Have him read my profile. If he has any questions or would like to ask
questions feel free to email me. If he would like another husbands view
point he is welcome to send and email to my husband.
— Linda A.
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