Question:
Help!!! I have a boyfriend issue??
Hello all I need your help big time, In my profile I talk about my boyfriend. He is a really great guy a perfect man from all others that I have dated. Here is the situation he has been with me through the whole thing surgery, weight loss, emotional problems with my weight loss, my mood swings ( and I have had some bitchey moments..lol) He loves my kids and he is there for me with them he gives me advice on how to control my anger when it comes to my 14yrs old daughter (if you are raising a teen ya know what I am talking about) I am truly in love with this man. we have talk about marriage and having kids and I am all for it. This man has found a job here in california because he lives in Las vegas and is getting ready to move in with me in a few weeks. This is scaring me because I have always been a single parent and not quite sure how to be a "house wife" I also work 3 jobs to support myself and kids because I don't get child support from the father of my children. when I went to see him in Vegas this past holiday weekend he asked me about quitting one or 2 of my jobs so I can spend more time at home with my kids. I about started to cry because I have never been home with my kids long enough to be a nurturing mother. I know that this does not really relate to weight loss but I need help and some advice on how to keep my relationship strong. I also want to know if I do get pregnant do you lose all your weight once you deliver or are you stuck with pregnancy weight. 148lb current weight — Lovett (posted on November 13, 2002)
November 13, 2002
Wow! First of all, I admire you for all you have taken on, and I am sure
that losing weight has given you lots of energy for your three jobs,
raising four kids, etc. I dunno what to tell you except that I hope that
with his income you could afford to let one of your jobs go so that you
have more time to nurture your new relationship, the kids and, most
important, yourself. Best of luck to you - I am sure we are all rooting
for you!
— rebeccamayhew
November 13, 2002
Wow. You are a very busy lady! I think if this guy is willing to take on
some financial responsiblilty towards your home and children's needs, then
that is great. But, you don't want to loose yourself by quitting the jobs
just in case you have an issue with this man that warrants a break up. I
admire your strength. As the previous poster, you really need to
consentrate on your children, especially with them growing older. The more
supervision they have, the harder it will be for them to get into any
serious trouble. If this guy is willing to support you in some way to make
it an option for you to quit one or more of your jobs, I would at least
give it a try. Your kids might really need that right now.
— Marni R.
November 13, 2002
I would certainly be careful of the message you may send your kids by
saying you would quit a job or 2 for him, but haven't done it to be with
them more. Just make it VERY clear to your kids that they are the most
important people in your life, and not a live-in boyfriend. If you do quit
a job or 2, make sure the majority of that extra time off is dedicated to
the kids...they deserve it and need a mom. Believe me, I'm speaking from
the perspective of a dad who works too much. I wish I had more time at
home! Also, is the guy going to marry you? Ok, I'm old fashioned, but I
still believe in marriage before move-in.
— Robby E.
November 13, 2002
Wow, you sure are something! I totally agree with whats said, especially
being careful about giving up your (probably very needed) sources of income
just because he moves in. What I wanted to contribute is this. Why do you
feel you have to be a "housewife"? Personally I feel that if he
doesn't like the way the house is kept he can pitch in and do something
about it, which he should do anyhow. He already knows what a busy lady you
are & he (nor you) shouldn't be expecting you to change. And besides,
if you choose to keep your jobs making sure this is a lasting venture long
term, you literally don't have time to be a full time committed lover in a
new relationship, parent (firstly this!) AND be the perfect housewife. I
realize you feel the need to meet halfway on this, but just be careful and
keep things in perspective. As women we tend to want to nurture those we
love, and also to give way to much and get screwed in the end. Remember
he's there to become a part of your life, not to move in so you can take
care of him by keeping his house, washing his clothes, and meeting all his
wants. Sorry that sounds so untrusting. No matter what you decide. Good
luck. It sounds like you've found one great guy.
— Shelly S.
November 13, 2002
Wow, sounds to me to be a great guy. I think that if he moves in with you,
and you are willing, you should consider quitting one of your part-time
jobs and trying to cut back. Things will work out well because by living
in one household, you'll be sharing the burden of rent/mortgage, utilities,
etc. That will save you a bunch. As far as the "house-wife"
issue, if he's known you for a while, he's undoubtedly seen your house and
knows what to expect of you. Since you'll be working, the burden of
housework should be shared. Here's another way you'll be lightening your
load. He sounds like a wonderful, loving man. All that said, I'd like to
add, if you are serious enough to live together, please do consider
marriage instead. Your kids need you to set a good example for them.
— cjabates
November 13, 2002
I guess I see the situation different from some of the other posters.
Partnership is about supporting each other and sharing the responsibility.
In your question I never heard you say he wanted you to quit for him. What
he said was to quit to be with your children. He sounds like a supportive
and caring person. He expects to share the financial responsbilites at home
and relife you from some of that stress. I say go for it. I'm sure the one
or two jobs could be replaced if things don't work out.
— Cheryl S.
November 13, 2002
I guess I see this differently then the others do. First of all, if you are
in a financial situation that requires you to work three jobs to support
your family, then quiting two of them to spend more time at home is very
risky. Given the fact that there is no marriage, if he decides that the
situation is not right for him then it is bye-bye and he is out of there
with no obligation and you will have lost your financial support of the
other two jobs. Think this through very carefuly before making any
permanent steps. Hind sight is always better then fore sight, but oh it can
be so painful and cannot always be reversed.
— Sue A.
November 13, 2002
I would treat this as if a new roomate is moving in. I know he is a
boyfriend, but as for the money-it should be kept separate. He will need to
be responsible for his share of living there and you will to continue with
your share.It can work out, but without a marriage it is very easy for one
just 'quit'. Be Careful.
— Jan S.
November 14, 2002
You have been through some changes, and some hard times, it sounds like.
You have this wonderful man in your life, who wants to spend time with you,
and be with you and your kids, whom you have had no time with. To me, a
single mother of a 14 year old, it is more important to spend time with the
people you love, taking time to have for yourself, and taking care of your
mental health, than worrying about overworking yourself to death. I am
living with a wonderful man, whom I started dating a year ago. He has moved
in with my daughter and I. Besides working two jobs, I have been attending
graduate school full time. when he moved in, I decided to let one of the
jobs go, so I could spend time with him and my daughter. I am glad I did. I
want my daughter to know that she is more important to me than anything
else could ever be. Plus, I wanted to be able to spend time getting to know
my man. Consider this point of view. You only live once, it cannot be done
over again. Good luck.
— twenc
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