Question:
How do you talk about the surgery with your husband?

I have been researching the rny procedure extensively and feel it is right for me. I'm a little afraid to talk to my husband about it. He is a wonderful (and really goodlooking)man, who loves me unconditionally, but he is not really into using medical technology. He is the kind who goes running if he has a cold to sweat it out and never takes even a tylenol for a headache. I just know that when I bring this up he will probably be against it. What suggestions do you have to "bring him over". I've already written him a letter which I haven't given to him yet. I even confessed my weight and BMI which I have never told him in the 9 years that we've been married. When I gave birth to each of my 3 children, I made him step out of the room when I told the nurse my weight! Please help!    — Kim A. (posted on May 28, 2002)

May 28, 2002
Kim, Try taking your husband to the Dr with you (a supportive Dr would help, maybe even a surgeon) and discuss it with him and the Dr at the same time. Or maybe even taking him to a support group meeting. I happened to catch a special on it on TV one day, and my husband sat down to watch it with me, we got in a conversation about it and that was our ice breaker. If all else fails, a nice dinner alone, or a session with a counselor so he knows you have some support .... ? Good luck on your journey!
   — Elizabeth D.

May 28, 2002
I was in the same situation as you. After I sat down with him and explained the hurt that it was causing me emotionally and that I really wanted this surgery. He became my biggest supporter. He has always accepted me no matter what my size, but his view was that if it made ME feel better about me, it was a good thing. Your husband may surprise you.
   — RebeccaP

May 28, 2002
go to www.wlscenter.com and click on 'significant other'. it is a great letter written by Barb Thompson's husband on how he came to realize how badly his wife needed the surgery.
   — garw

May 29, 2002
This is too funny, I also made my husband leave the room when I had to disclose my weight at the births of my 3 daughters! I would have kept him clueless all the way through my WLS if it wasn't for the anethesiologist blurting out my height and weight during the preop exam just one door away from the OR lol. But he was so accepting of it. As far as telling him about this surgery, to be honest, I didn't feel a need to win him over. This was a decision that I made for myself and by myself. I simply told him I had decided to do it while driving to a baseball game! He looked kind of stunned and just said 'uh,ok' lol. He knew that it wasn't up for discussion. Not that I didn't want his input, but he has no clue what life is like while being obese, so I knew I had to make my own choices about my health. Pre-surgery, his support ran hot and cold but I plugged along. Since the surgery almost 6 months ago, he really has come around and is happy as I am that I had my rny. Its great if you and your husband can work as a team in this adventure but ultimately its your life, your decision. Good luck to you!
   — Donna L.