Question:
What did I do to make my husband blow up at me???
Well, I have a problem. Maybe you can give me some insight. Mom sent us up some med-fast protien drink mixes (soy based) and I think they are yucky, but my husband tried them and liked them. He drank one for breakfast this morning before he left for work. Well, tonight when I was making my shake, I said I had another gallon of protien powder that is soy based that he might like, if he wanted to use it. And continued with that it might help him out... He doesn't eat breakfast or lunch, so he is starving when he gets home and over eats. I just thought if he drank one of the protien drinks for breakfast and one for lunch, it might help with his hunger and give him the protien he needs with few calories. Well, he didn't even let me finish when he told me to shut up and leave it alone. I was shocked!! I tried to explain about the protien, and he just blew up! He yelled at me that while my body was physically changed, his was not and to stop harrassing him about food! I couldn't believe it!!! I wasn't harrassing him about food at all!! I was just telling him that IF he wanted them, they were there and he loses it! What in the world did I do??? Anyway... I'll leave you to ponder that one, while I sit here in the cooling front room and he has shut himself into the bedroom for the first time in our ten years of marriage. I've never bugged him about his weight or what he eats... I am so confusseld!! — Sharon H. (posted on January 16, 2002)
January 15, 2002
Oh, Sharon, I wish I had an answer for you. But I don't even have an answer
for me. My husband told me last night he wanted a divorce, and then this am
he said that he said that to see if I "cared." HUH? I don't know
what to do. Part of me wants to say that since we go around and around
about the same issues(my house cleaning, my job, my son ) that maybe we'd
be better off going with his first idea. He can be so controlling it makes
me grit my teeth. But, sigh, I do love him. I wish we could
"date" rather than be married. I think it would be a lot simpler
that way. Another sigh. Good luck in trying to figure out what's up with
your other half! Donna in AL :(
— Donna S. C.
January 15, 2002
First of all, let me say, I am NOT a trained professional...I am just
repeating things my surgeon has discussed with me. I am 7 1/2 months post
op and at everyone of my appointments with me, he always asks how my
husband is adjusting!! He said that even though I am the one that has had
the surgery and am going through the physical changes, our spouses are also
going through a change. Many of us go from being insecure to have
wonderful self-esteem....and for many years, we depended on our spouses to
be there, supportive and all for us....regardless if it was positive or
negative support, we counted on them. Well, now as we are reshaping, our
spouses may be the ones that become insecure, wondering where they will fit
into our "new lives." My Surgeon said not to be surprised with
any behaviour changes....I hope this helps!! Like I mentioned, I am NOT a
trained professional....just passing on some hearsay. Good Luck!
— chance2lv
January 16, 2002
Like the other responses, I don't have THE answer. I believe your husband
is experiencing insecurity for the first time in your marriage and he
doesn't know how to deal with that. I am still pre-op, but fear that this
same thing will happen in my marriage. My husband is already pretty
jealous and insecure right now, I can only imagine how bad it will get when
I start looking and feeling better. We have to be strong and supportive of
the changes that our hubbies go through as we change too. Best of luck to
you.. I hope it all goes well!
— sunsect
January 16, 2002
As we get less preoccupied with food we tend to notice everyone elses poor
eating habits, and can't help but commenting. It sounds like you may have
been doing this, making little comments here and there and your husband
finally had enough. I did the same with my Mom. She's always trying to lose
weight, yet I watch her take seconds and thirds at each meal, eat way too
fast and eat high fat, yet if make even the smallest suggestion she freaks
out. We just have to remember that we had this surgery for US to lose
weight, and whatever other people are doing, INCLUDING our family, we need
to ignore it and focus on our own struggle. Leave your husband alone, if he
wants to make the same mistakes you did he will soon see the detrimental
effects and change his ways, but nagging is a surefire way to ruin your
marriage. I know you saw it as a little helpful comment and meant no harm,
but that's not how he sees it. When you had WLS it was for you to change
YOUR habits, not his. Good Luck!
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
My husband is not nearly obese, but slightly overweight. He has TERRIBLE
eating habits! I have gained all my weight after being married to him. (not
blaming) It was easy for us to both eat out a lot of our meals. It is
really very easy to want to "save" him from the same fate as
myself. We don't want to see someone we love heading down the same path.
I really notice how he eats,what he eats & why he eats etc. now that I
am post-op and have made (helping)comments to him. He is in total denial.
I realize I CAN'T save him...only hope he watches how I am eating and WHAT
I am eating and tries to eat more healthfully. I have to try and focus more
on me and not anyone else...except my kids...because they ARE my
responsibility.
— Karen B.
January 16, 2002
Picture how you would feel if the roles were reversed. You know how we all
have felt whenever someone addressed our weight! You have changed the
playing field in your marriage. This is leaving your husband very
sensitive. I think you should apologize and never bring up any diet tips to
him again.
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
I'm siding with your husband on this! Leave the guy alone, he's
and adult and he can decide what and when he wants to eat. If
he asks for advice, fine....but he didn't ask for your advice.
My guess is that's he's tired about hearing you talk about your
protein, surgery, weight loss...etc. I know from my own experience
that this is a "big deal"...a "life changing process"
for us and
we like to talk about it. Maybe your husband has heard too much
about protein etc. lately. Apologize to the guy......give him a big
hug and get on with your life.
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
Sounds to me like the issue isn't about his eating habits at all, it was
just a convenient thing to get all mad about, when the real issue is that
he's insecure about YOU losing weight and feeling better. Stop blaming
yourself, it's not your fault he has "issues".
— Angie M.
January 16, 2002
My 2 cents... It would be great if they had a support group for
husbands/spouses. The nurse where I go had surgery 18 months ago. She
looks sooo good. ( even in her scrubs)
She told me her husband is crazy now, always calling her on cell and when
she goes to Walmart/grocery store he always says "Where are you
going?" like she off to be w/ a new lover! Our spouses also go
through change, weather positive/neg. Good Luck
— [Anonymous]
January 16, 2002
Thank you all for your comments and insight. I thought you all might like
to hear what happened this morning... He woke me up before he left for work
and apologized for blowing up at me. He told me that his doctor had sent
him a letter wanting him to call them asap about his blood test results,
and he was worried that his sugar test had gotten bad enough to consider
him a diabetic. My comment just hit him the wrong way, and he went off
because he was scared. I apologized to him, too, and told him I would never
say anything again because I understand where he is coming from. He called
me a couple hours later and told me that his sugar test had actually gone
down (from a 7.0 to a 5.4 Hemoglobin A1C), and the doctor just wanted to
tell him because he knew that my husband was worried. He apologized again,
and trust me, I will NEVER bring up the subect of his weight or eating
habits again!!! Thanks again for all your help!!!
— Sharon H.
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