Question:
How do you deal with people who tell you they know of someone who died from surgery?
As if I am not nervous enough, cause I am one week from surgery, I've had three people tell me they knew folks who died from this surgery! What do you tell these bumbling idiots? Jeepers! — Barb W. (posted on October 25, 2001)
October 25, 2001
We all take a risk having this surgery. I had a friend who said the same
thing to me and I told her that if I didn't have the surgery I was going to
die anyway. I had high blood pressure, asthma, all my joints ached. I was
miserable. Now I have lost 90 pounds in 7 months and I feel great and look
a lot better. And don't have to take high bp meds anymore no more inhaler
or pills for my asthma. I go riding my bike 2 or 3 miles a day and go to
the gym 3 days a week. There is no way I could have done that 7 months
ago. This surgery isn't a quick fix. But it is a great help to get those
pounds gone so you can feel better. The surgery made the quality of my life
better.
— [Anonymous]
October 25, 2001
My first thought would be, "People die every day from heart bypass
surgery, but it doesn't stop thousands of people from undergoing surgery if
they and their doctors feel it will help save their lives. What would be
the difference?" In my experience, people don't see WLS in the same
way, as the prejudicial thinking behind it is, "Just diet!"
— CaseyinLA
October 25, 2001
The most honest answer is "Obesity isn't going to exactly help me live
either" </p> There are as many or more risks from living with
obesity as going into this surgery. I'm an extreme case but my doctor
gives me less than 5 - 10 years to live health wise, many more than that
with surgery.. If I die during surgery, I look at it like this
"Obesity has still killed me" I just have to do everything
possable to keep that from happening! Good luck in your journey!
— Elizabeth D.
October 25, 2001
Barb, I thank them politely for sharing their story and go on about my
business. Five years ago, I buried my sister Kathy. I watched her die
after she had endured an amputation, vascular bypass surgery, perforated
colon, colostomy, not to mention that she was on dialysis and suffered such
intense pain that it was necessary for her to see an aenesthesiologist
every few days for pain relief. She had been turned down for a transplant.
She, like me, battled obesity all her life. She begged me not to let this
happen to me. My surgery is scheduled for the 15th of November. I pray
every day for all those having or thinking about having this life saving
surgery. I have placed my life in God's hands. If I die having this
surgery, at least I will die trying to get better. Good luck to you.
— Julia O.
October 25, 2001
Barb, I would tell the bumbling idiots thank you for the information. But
you have already read the memorials that are posted, and know that it is a
very serious operation. I wish you the best for your surgery and a speedy
recovery.......
— [Anonymous]
October 25, 2001
I have people to tell me now, "Oh I wish you hadn't done this to
yourself. I know a woman or man who died from the same exact
surgery." I simply tell them, "I am a child of God, and I'm not
leaving here until he calls me, and when I do leave here, I'm just going
home to my Father." This really freaks them out. Some people lack
tact and knowledge, yet this doesn't hinder them from making their
mis-informed comments. My decision to have WLS was a personal one and so
is yours. If you research the people that died after WLS, you'll find that
a lot of them had serious problems before surgery (not everyone, but I
would say the majority).
— Tammy W.
October 25, 2001
I tell them morbid obvesity takes 20 years off the average persons life.
The average man lives to 72 less 20 years is 52 and I am 44 and looking at
a short life. My grandpa died at 52 and was morbidly obese. Surgery saved
my life.... My PCP says the same thing.
— bob-haller
October 26, 2001
Barb is right! Just turn it around. Also, chances are they may be talking
about the much older and less safe "stomach stapling", which is
what I find a lot of people think I mean when I tell them about my having
surgery. Good luck to you!
— Deborah W.
October 26, 2001
They do love to zing us with that! It never stops....I'm 3 years
post-op and the (fat) nurse in my pcp's office still tells me wls
horror stories everytime I go in for something. Whenever I way that
I feel great and have no problems. She says "yours just haven't
started
yet". UUUGGGGhhhhhh!!!! Some are igornat, some insensitive and
others
are jealous (like my doc's nurse). Just ignore those remarks.
— [Anonymous]
October 26, 2001
I would even ask for the exact names of these dead people. Chances are this
is 3rd or 4th generation information. Then I would tell them of the
thousands of survivors who all who have answered this question are.
— Rose A.
October 26, 2001
Just tell them "I'm aware of the mortality rate with this surgery, as
with any major surgery. I'm hoping this surgery will save my life".
Then change the subject. You don't need any extra stress right now, you've
already made up your mind, and are aware of the risks. Hugs, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
October 26, 2001
Barb ... "bumbling idiots" is right. I've said it before, and
I'll say it again ... these people come from the same place as women who
like to tell you (in excruciating, gory detail) every minute of every
labour and delivery they (or any of their friends/family
members/coworkers/people they met once at a bus stop)ever had when YOU'RE
eight and a half months pregnant. Everybody's got a story -- usually of
the urban myth variety, right up there with alligators in the sewers and
rats that people mistook for Chihuahuas in Mexico. Just smile sweetly,
thank them for their concern, and change the subject. Good luck with your
surgery, and be strong in your choice! Warm skinny thoughts always,
— Cheryl Denomy
October 26, 2001
Hello ((Sweetie))),
Like everyonelse said tell them your aware of it and are aware of the death
rates of dyng from obesity complications.....Let me tell you I was home one
week from my surgery and one of my Hubby's co-workers wife called me and
said "I heard you had this surgery?"...."Let me tell you I
have a friend that is on life support right now and it's been 3 years from
her surgery and is now on life support because of it"....."and I
have another friend who lost all of her weight and then gained it all
back...yadda...yadda"...Here I was one week outta surgery and didn't
want to hear this......I told her geeh thanks me cut from yeng to yang was
not the time to be telling me all of this and I thought she was the best
friend for sharing that with me...She said "Well I could never have
that surgery"......I hung up the phone told my Hubby and also told him
just to wait she would be in surgery before we knew it....Cause like me she
has tried everything.....Sure nuff when I was 3 months post and at the
doctors office for check up she came beeboppin in...LOL...anyhoo just had
to share some people are just not going to say good things about
anything......She is now going to have surgery next month...LOL....I wish
her the absolute best and pray no one tells her gory details when she is a
week outta surgery.
God Bless and be strong for yourself!!! and God Bless my friend during her
surgery next month!!!
(((HUGS))))
— Cindi V.
October 26, 2001
This might sound cut throat but I'd say, "women have died and still
die from child birth but I don't see myself recommending women stop having
babies? Surgery, ANY major surgery has risks. I know there are well meaning
people who ask that question out of geniune concern but I would say
"like with any surgery there are risks and I am well informed of the
risk and am will go forgo itm for the benefits."
— Gwen M.
October 26, 2001
When someone says that to me, and it has happened twice, I look at the
person and say that I know a thousand people who DIDN'T die from the
surgery and are living a lot healthier and happier lives now. Tends to shut
them up pretty quick.
— Kim B.
October 26, 2001
My approach tends to be like some of the previous posters. I like to try to
pin them down. If someone tells me they know of someone who died, I'll ask
for specifics. Oh yeah, who exactly? How do you know this person? What
exact surgery did they have? How long ago? Did they die on the table, or
after some time? Are you sure it was related to the surgery? How do you
know? What kind of shape were they in before surgery? And finally, I'll
look them straight in the eye and ask, "and why did you feel you had
to tell me this information? Do you think I have not researched it
thoroughly enough? Do you want to try to scare me out of it? What is your
point?" Well, usually, this leaves people flabbergasted, and I'll
never hear any of that crap from them again! Just my two cents. Good luck.
Maria
— Maria H.
October 27, 2001
I would say "Gee, I'm so sorry to hear your friend passed away. Tell
me about them..."
Five bucks says they don't really know the "person" and will back
off. If that doesnt work, step on their foot. It will give them something
else to think about.
— Goldilauxx B.
October 27, 2001
What good answers people have given! Just another thought is to say,
"Thank you for caring enough to share that with me. And your point
is?"
— Marjorie B.
October 28, 2001
Just remind them that people die while driving cars everyday.
They can also die from a simple tonsilectomy. Thank them for their
concern and remind them that you have thought this decision over
a lot, and that you would appreciate their support.
— Carla C.
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