Question:
Has anyone else's spouse seem distant the closer to the surgery date?

My husband who is normally very supportive and caring has lately become distant. Whenever I start talking about the surgery or preparations for my hospital stay (we have 5 children he'll have to take care of while I'm in the hospital) or how I can't wait until this time next year he gets very quiet and most times changes the subject. I expected some sort of reaction, only because he lost his first wife to cancer 6 months after being diagnosed and I know he is behind me 100%, but he is becoming withdrawn when I need him the most. How has anyone else handled a situation regarding their spouse's emotions concerning WLS or any type of surgery for that matter?    — Vanessa J. (posted on January 2, 2001)

January 2, 2001
The 7 weeks between being approved and having my surgery was the harderst time in my 17 years of marriage. My husband would not even talk about the subject. It hurt because I felt he should support me. The day before my surgery he finally broke down and told me he was afraid. I sure wish he would have said this before. It sounds to me like your husband if scared and rightfully so if he has already lost one wife. All I can say is that after you have your surgery and he knows things are going to be OK I am sure he will continue to be supportive and proud of you. If you would like to talk further please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected]. Best of Luck! I am 7 1/2 months post op. Size 10 down from size 22.
   — Tami G.

January 2, 2001
My DH did the same thing. He went to all the meetings with me, all the Dr.'s appointments and even did his own research on the web. But when it came time to talk to me about the surgery and what life would be like after, he would clam up. It was very upsetting to me. I thought he didn't care, was angry with me, etc., etc., etc. I come to find out (after I had surgery!) that he was scared s**tless! But, he didn't want to add any more stress to my life by relaying his fears to me. Men! He is so very happy I had this surgery. It not only saved my life, it saved our lives together. If I ahd not done something about the weight, it would have most likely caused a divorce. I'm not saying he didn't love me, or loved me less because I was fat, but I had really changed with all the added weight. I didn't want to do anything. No fun, no sex, I was a crabby b***h all the time. Now, we are back to being a couple again with normal sex, LOTS of activities (he even says we need to slow down now, LOL)and really good communication. Let him know you think he might be afraid, and that it is OK. Remember he has feelings about this too. Let him come to terms with it in his own way and he will come around. Best of luck to you with your upcoming surgery! Luv,...
   — heidiinPA