Question:
Do you have a problem seeing a different person in the mirror after wls?

i seem to be having some depression problems on the new me not that i don't like being thin but i don't seem to know who i am and am more scared of being in public than before my daughter seems to think i lost my shield to hide behind meaning my fat any body else have these feelings    — cheryl J. (posted on December 16, 2000)

December 16, 2000
Cheryl! I can totally relate! I am almost 11 months postop and 38 pounds from goal (down 115) and I am just discovering me. I, too went through depression, and I still get depressed occasionally when life seems overwhelming (gee it IS Christmas) but, it finally has become exciting and fun to be me. I was scared, and some circumstances socially still scare me, but working with a good counselor has made a ton of difference. I am also blessed by my 13 year old daughter- I am learning from HER:) how to dress, how to develope my feminine side (hard for me to be overly feminine being 280 lbs. and having a very uninterested mother), even how to play soccer! Hang in there, Cheryl, it will get better. If you can, talk about it to someone who can help you look at it clearly. You deserve to enjoy being you- AND the process of figuring that out!
   — M B.

December 16, 2000
MB..once again you have written a wonderful response. I too had some issues with being able to hide with my old body. I felt like I was "safe" from abuse, and with my fear of others sicknesses like rape. I really can relate to this. Just take those baby steps. Compliments were hard for me from strangers. Now I accept them with the grace that they intended. It is different because we built, or I built my entire lifestyle around my weight. Where I went...etc. I tell you what did make me feel good...and this is personal but I want to share it because you have raised a good question. When I showered before my surgery it was get and get out. Now I spent time washing my scar and looking at myself and saying to myself that I know my body is changing for the better and I deserve this change. I never really looked at my body before. I spent time in the mirror. Make up, hair the whole 9 yards. I just look. It is really nice to start liking what I see. I still have alot of fat but its MINE and I made the decision to do something about it. I try to look for the positive now. The weight will come off and every change, for me, is a good one. You will find your way with the new you. Who you are IS NOT what you look like but you can reflect who you are becoming through your appearance. Try some mirror time..primping or whatever. If you can afford it, and honey I know its hard, but get some facial stuff and do a home facial thing. Just some suggestions, but I really like this question...Made me think too.
   — Courtrina Amur W.

December 16, 2000
Shoot yes. 6 yrs and I'm still confused. Have a slight clue and am better at eyeballing clothes, but can't pick my figure out in a crowd. I have now been this wt longer than I was morbid, but I spent an entire lifetime 50-60 lbs overweight, so my brain is stuck right there! Most days.
   — vitalady

December 16, 2000
Cheryl, I think that I have problems seeing the "same" person in the mirror. No matter how small I get, I still see that insecure "fat" person. We went to a luncheon the other day and they had lots of sweets. When I said that I couldn't possibly eat any and that I didn't need them, I meant that they would cause me problems later in the bathroom but the friends there just said, you have got to be kidding, you are sooo tiny you could eat anything. Well, even though they took it wrong I found myself denying that I was tiny and still saying that I needed to lose in my legs. (mind you I am a size 3 and 115 pounds now). But, to me, I am still large and wonder if I will ever see myself as anything but large. I "certainly" don't see tiny although I know realistically, that 115 pounds is NOT large. I don't know how to explain this really. I also, get very very angry when anyone puts down a large person. I guess that I feel that I can fight for them now and no one will look at me and say, "oh, she's fighting cause she's also large." I got so mad at a coworker the other day who tryed to sqeeze a very large woman into a booth at my restaurant. Don't they think? This poor woman had to sit halfway out of the booth and I know that she was embarrassed but didn't say a word. I just walked up and told her that we had to change her seat due to error and i gave her a table with chairs. I couldn't believe that someone could be that unthoughtful. I also had a man hit on me the other day. He was married but said he couldn't stand his overwieght wife anymore. I told him that I used to be the same as his wife and would he have hit on me then? He said of course not. I could have punched him but ended up just telling him what a jerk he was and how lucky he was to even have a wife that put up with him. Anyway, I think that this is a hard adjustment for us but it's a nice one to try and achieve. I would definately see a counselor if you feel that this is a problem as I am going to one starting in January just to straighten out my thought processes. Good luck.
   — Barbara H.

December 17, 2000
Cheryl~ You are so not alone in this area. I tell my friends all the time that I just cannot see the "tiny" person they tell me I am. I had a friend ask me if I was in a size 5 or 6 and I was appalled b/c in my eyes I am still a size 18/20. I look down at myself and see fat...I have no idea why, maybe b/c that is how I had been for all of my life. I am 18 months post op and surpassed MY goal of 135 and weigh in at 124. I am in a size 8 now, which I have never ever been in, in my whole entire life...So for me, the "skinny" side is overwhelming at times. The farther along in the post op period I get the more adjusted I am becoming to being a skinny person. But gosh, it's hard! I have a hard time with compliments about how "tiny" I am...They make me uncomfortable. I guess b/c I could never imagine having a compliment being given to me, ever! It's incredible how much my life has changed but accepting it a tough road to go down. I'm not sure if I have made any sense to you, but know that you are not alone in your feelings. I guess it boils down to the fact that we are all accustomed to seeing ourselves obese and the skinny side of us is just too hard to imagine, even when we really are skinny...Hugs~
   — Marni

March 12, 2003
Hi yes I totally understand what you are saying. I have lost 140lbs. I am tiny! But I don't recognize the women looking back at me. I think I also had feelings of depression. Not that I don't like what I look like now. But I can't hide behind the fat! I feel insecure about myself where once I was Large & Incharge! Very self motivated. I wonder if I will ever be the same. I am very lonely! Still even with my new body! Very lonely
   — Kim G.