Question:
How can I help my friend?

My friend had surgery over a year ago, int he beginning she was great about her diet but now her daily diet consists of coffee (at least 5 (8 oz cups)a day) and 2 packs of cigarettes a day. SHe eats very little food. When she does eat she gets really tired . How can I help her? She has lost over 130 lbs since surgery . But I fear for her health. She was told by the PS that she cannot have a body lift till she quits smoking. She's afraid to quit because she thinks she will gain weight.    — Sarah J. (posted on October 15, 2004)

October 15, 2004
You're right to be concerned. Is it that she's uninformed? Or does she just not care about her health? She's risking osteoporosis, anemia, malnutrition, permanent nerve damage from vitamin deficiency. If she's aware of all this, then there's not much you can do. If she's not aware, you may want to try and educate her in the risks of her life style. She could try Wellbutrin to help her quit smoking.. this has a minimum risk of weight gain. If she educates herself on what foods to eat (have her buy the South Beach Diet book... high protein, healthy carbs... lots of good info about keeping your eating under control) she shouldn't have too much problem maintaining her weight.
   — mom2jtx3

October 15, 2004
Well said Linda. Support groups are what is missing for me to get back on track. Where we moved to the success rate is horrible. The eyes are on me and I am determined to succeed. When you eat high carb foods it's like having withdrawls to get them out of your system. After they are gone, high carb foods will taste aweful. At least, that was my experience. Dancing lessons might be a fun way to get some exercise. It's just a thought. Keep being supportive to your friend, she needs you.
   — Loriann J.

October 15, 2004
I don't know if you can. :( Some people are hell bent on destroying themselves. Sometimes I think I am. I've lost 125, but I have at least another 50 to go and I feel like I am not doing my best. I know that I have to work through this, it is psychoological and it takes time. Only thing I can say is that you can lead by example. Be the best you can be and maybe she will follow you.
   — mrsmyranow

October 15, 2004
Sorry to be so critical of your friend, but only she can help herself, as we all well know. No PS will do surgery on an unhealthy person that smokes. She would have to be good health and no smoking for a month or more prior to surgery. Her seeing a therapist would be my #1 suggestion. You sound like a good friend and I'm sure she's lucky to have you. But, just because you want it won't make her stop abusing her body in this unhealthy way. (((HUGS)))
   — Hazel S.

October 16, 2004
I used to smoke and it is very hard to quit even when you really want to. I was tired of the cigerettes controlling my life. I carried around a small pair of scissors. I would light up, take a few puffs, then cut the end off and put it back in the pack. I kept cutting down on the how many cigerettes I consumed daily until I ended up smoking only 3 per day. Then one morning I woke up and asked my husband to go get rid of all signs of smoking, ashtrays, butts, lighters, etc. I never smoked again and it's been 3 1/2 years. Then I realized that food too was controlling my life. I had the surgery and am now in control of my own life. Tell her my story it might just do the trick. Good luck!
   — Linda Brown

October 17, 2004
She is heading for some serious trouble without having the proper nutrition possibly even serious nerve damage to sensitive organs or death. She needs to help herself she would probably benefit from a therapist.
   — ChristineB