Question:
What do you say when you go out to eat?
I am a Nurse Practitioner and frequently go out to eat to attend medical conferences. I still can go and enjoy some food and learn what I need to. I will occ. eat the appetizers, usu. eat the salad and the pick at my meal. There are times whan I only eat one bite of my actual meal. The wait staff will then come up to me (insulted) and ask if there is a problem with my food? I am running out of things to say. Help.... (RNY 2-10-04 228/164/130) — Kerijohnson (posted on August 29, 2004)
August 28, 2004
I just say I wasn't very hungry and that the food was very good and I'd
like to take the rest home. Or you can say you had surgery recently (you
don't need to specify what kind) and aren't up to eating just yet.
— Yolanda J.
August 29, 2004
I will usally say that I am unable to eat much due to a "medical
condition", that the meal was very good and I will be taking it home
and will eat it as I am able to.
Only once did I say anything different...and that was when I was a pretty
new post op...maybe about 6-8 months out and this waitress got a little
rude with me about it and I had had a really bad day already, I gave my
"medical condition" statment and she just kept at me...a young
little 18 year old twit...I lost it. I half shouted at her "Listen
you little %$#^%$^%*&^, I told you I have a medical condition, I had
3/4 of my stomach removed because of stomach cancer. I CAN'T EAT A LOT!!!
Now leave me alone." I know, in retrospect it was NOT the proper
thing to say. The restaurant manager heard me, scurried over and
apologized profusely, gave my entire family their dinner that night for
free, for our "inconvenience" and the rude little twit, with whom
the manager confided in me, the had had many problems with her irritating
customers, no longer had a job there.
Anyway, with MOST people, "medical condition" usually works. My
husband will sometimes answer for me that I just have an unusually small
appetite...but because I am tiny now (size 2), a lot of people interpret
that as I am anorexic, so that one isn't really that good.
Have a Sparkling Day!!
~CAE~
— Mustang
August 29, 2004
I just say. "It was fine, I'm just not as hungry as I thought I was.
Please wrap the rest up for me to take home. THanks" Say it with a
smile. :-) LOL
— KellyJeanB
August 29, 2004
It does make you feel uncomfortable to have to "explain" things
as this has happened to me several times where the wait staff just keeps on
about what was wrong with it, etc. So, I finally figured out a way to avoid
it...I just ask for a to go box when they bring my food, and pack up what I
know I won't be able to eat or just pack up half of the meal and sit it
aside. This way they have no idea you just packed up half your meal and
won't question the amount left on your plate. I do this all the time now,
it's just easier and you don't have to constantly answer questions or feel
the need to be bothered.
— Dee ,.
August 29, 2004
I'm just 3 months out, and so far people have been very understanding. I
have been asked if there was anything wrong with my food--my answer is
"No, there's nothing wrong with the food. I have had surgery and am
not able to eat very much at one time." Many guess gastric by-pass
right away (if they say anything after I have answered them), others just
accept my answer and ask if I need a to go box.
Also, I have not had any trouble ordering from the childrens menu anywhere
that I have asked.
— greeneyes1961
August 29, 2004
I don't feel the need to explain why I didn't eat much. I just ask them to
bring me a to go box. I'm eleven months out and have never had anyone
question it but I ususally order my food with no refined carbs so they
apparently just assume I'm on a diet. My philosophy is that I'm the
customer and I'm only obligated to explain what I choose to explain and I
don't choose to explain why I don't eat much.
— scbabe
August 29, 2004
We frequent a near-by steak house. I always order something I can never
finish (even their cups of chili are huge!). I've just taken to cheerfully
saying IT WAS WONDEFUL! The attitude I have about it seems to set the
staff at ease.
— Renee B.
August 29, 2004
I usually say either that I had a big lunch or breakfast and over ordered.
I take the leftovers home unless I amnot going there directly.
— Fixnmyself
August 29, 2004
You must eat at places with extremely sensitive wait staff. My personal
opinion is this: waiters always asked how is everything before surgery
too. no big deal. they still ask. still no big deal. a simple fine - thank
you , is all they need to know. they just want to know if the food is ok
and if not can they fix it so you leave happy (and a nice tip for them )
they don't need or want to know your medical history. of course we live in
a Jerry Springer world where few feel the need to maintain privacy of any
kind. if you feel compelled to share by all means do so. but if you like
your privacy then just say the food is fine thank you , and go back to
talking with the person you are with. the waiter is there to serve you. you
need not explain your life to them unless you really want to.
— **willow**
August 29, 2004
I go out to eat often, and never feel like I need to explain my eating
habits to anyone. Only a few times has a server made a fuss that I didn't
eat much of my meal (they were concerned that there was a problem with the
meal). I simply smile and say "the meal was wonderful, but I've had
enough". That always works. If I'm going home, and the meal is
something I can eat reheated, I'll ask for it to be wrapped. Otherwise, I
just leave the plate until the table is cleared.
— Vespa R.
August 29, 2004
Without reading all the replies, I'll put in my 2cents. Most wait staff
are concerned there is something wrong and that is why I'm not eating the
food even at the very casual places I go. Once I say "No, everything
was great!" they are fine. I don't say I've had surgery or anything
and just ask for my to-go box. I've only had one bad experience in the
last 5 months (I'm 8 1/2 months but didn't go out to eat until I was 4
months post op). And, that was because they didn't describe the dish as
"flaming hot covered with chili pepper."
— Kathy *.
August 29, 2004
Generally I don't feel the need to say anything. A couple of times I say
simply, I just can't eat very much at a time and that generally suffices.
— Cathy S.
August 30, 2004
There must be something wrong with me. Am I the only honest person here???
The folks who serve us are worried that something is wrong with their food.
I always tell them the truth. "I've had a gastric bypass and can't eat
much. May I have a container to take the rest of my food home?"
EVERYONE ONE OF THESE RESTRANTS HAVE BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE WHEN THEY KNOW
THE TRUTH. Many waitress' have said they know someone personally who have
had WLS. I see no shame in wls nor do I feel I am a failure because of it.
I did what I had to do, and I'm not going to hide from it. I know words
printed sometimes come out harsh. And I don't mean this to be. I've been
here on this site for four years and the same questions always come up. I
don't mind them at all. It's just that it seems 75% of the people here feel
they need to keep wls a secret like it is some kind of moral failure. It
is'nt. I feel so fortunate as I have been very open with my wls, and have
been treated excellent by others. Perhaps folks in other parts of the
country are not? Hmmm. Again, I mean no insult, but why is it nessarary to
hide wls??? <scratching my head on this one> :)
— Danmark
August 30, 2004
Hi, Keri - I usually just tell anyone who asks that everything was
wonderful, but I'm full. I think they are only concerned that there was a
problem with the food. I also don't have a problem ordering appetizers for
dinner without explanation - I can usually (not always) finish these. I
don't have a problem with being honest about my wls, but I don't feel the
need to explain my personal life to complete strangers, either. Hope it
works out for you. Dee
— Dee G
August 30, 2004
I am right with you Danial! I always just tell the truth. I am not
ashamed - however, I am not a private person, either. As a social worker,
I know what will put people at ease. I also find that if I am honest, I
often get a discount or no charge for sharing a plate. I think people in
this world are generally kind and loving and I have found this to be true
more often than not. I am so excited about the changes in my body and the
changes in my life - I am okay with talking about my surgery. It literally
saved my life. 366 pounds is VERY scary. Sometimes I think people who
started out weighing less perhaps dont have the euphoria that comes from no
longer being super morbidly obese. Anyway, you have to do what is
comfortable for you. Good luck!
— MissKimberly
August 30, 2004
I read through the answers and many are very good ideas! My suggestion
differs a little bit. First of all, any staff member of a restaurant
really has no right to question how much you eat or do not eat. Before my
bypass, I had a waitress suggest that I shouldn't have a whole portion.
It's rude and unprofessional. Should this happen again, simply tell the
waitress that you aren't complaining and not to worry. If she presses,
tell her, politely, that it is your personal business and if you have any
problems with the food, you will tell her.
Perhaps it's a little rude, but I feel having to give a whole life's story
to a stranger is not something you HAVE to do, if you want to talk about
your surgery, that's fine, too. :) Just my 2 cents worth--I am just a
little abrasive when it comes to certain things. :)
Hugs,
Tracy
— Tracydarlin
August 30, 2004
you know , i agree , i dont have to give any wait person my life story,
but, if asked i generally just say "i had stomach surgery", and
done elaborate, most people know about GB , but if they dont, its still a
good enough answer , often , it will lead to oh my so and so had that doen
, and she/he has lost a lot of weight, good luck .... or similar,
im not embarrassed, i have lost a lot of weight, granted i have mroe to go
, but if i worry about it , then i lose the enjoyment of my meal , often i
will order something special , or if possible , from the senior menu , this
works sometimes, but if it doesnt, then i order somethign simple,
like a chicken breast or a single egg , or yes an appetizer ( my problem
with them is often they are FATTY)
i have no compunctions whatsoever in making a special order, even at a
"chain" restraunt
, and if they wont, i send the waitress away, my hubby and i then decide
on something for dinner
often it works out well with the family though, i order my regular meal,
and my 4 yo and i share , and since ihave a 15yo son, he cleans up too :D
its generally not a problem
— bethlaf
August 30, 2004
I just tell them I had WLS, and have been doing this for 3 years now, since
I am over 3 years out. Originally people looked surprised. Nowadays
everyone seems to know someone who has done or is about to have WLS. Common
comment my friends going to do that but says she will be able to eat only
one bite.. you seem to eat more? Well yes one bite doesnt last, after
awhile we can eat a normal portion for a thin person. I am encouraging and
educating others and theres nothing to be ashamed of! My friends surgery
is in 2 weeks that news will help her a lot! Helping others is what I will
do for the rest of my days. Its a promise I made myself BEFORE surgery, if
I survived and did well I would help others. Thats why I volunteer for the
site and care for Q&A too. Help others by spreading the word! WLS
WORKS!!!
— bob-haller
August 30, 2004
I usually say that the meal was great, but I wasn't as hungry as I thought
I was and I need a to go box. However, I had a funny one the other night.
We went to an italian restaurant that we frequented often pre-op, and had
gotten to know the owner pretty well. We've been back once post-op, and at
that time I had only lost 30-40 lbs. Now that I'm only 2-3 pounds from my
goal (under Dr.'s goal), it's a lot more noticeable. So when we walked in
the other night the owner really made a big deal out of it, said he didn't
recognize me at first, etc. He asked how I had lost so much weight, and
while I was telling him, our waiter was standing right there listening to
the whole thing. After he seated us he tried to push every kind of
appetizer and entree on me possible. I ended up drinking a glass of wine
before dinner, eating 2 bites of salad, 2 bites of a garlic roll, and maybe
3 bites of my entree...I was stuffed. Then he made a big deal about how
much food I was taking home. My husband said "she eats like a tiny
bird and always has to take some home." It didn't really get to me,
but I can tell this guy was tihnking why did you even bother coming here if
you're not going to enjoy a full course meal. I am going to enjoy the meal
for 3 or 4 days, that's the beauty of this surgery. Katie W.
— Le P.
August 30, 2004
I do not feel I owe any explanation to anyone why I dod not eat a lot. I
just teel them the dinner was really good, it was just too much food for
me. I then tell them I would like a take home container. I do not tell them
any life story on how I had wls or anything. Frankly, sometimes I feel
insulted when they look at me funny. Personally, I feel as of ot os none of
their business. Just my opinion.
— Holly H.
August 31, 2004
When they ask if there was anything wrong with the meal because I only ate
a small amount I say... No, everything was fine with the meal. I had weight
loss surgery which only permits me to eat a very small amount. THAT is why
I asked when I ordered if I could order something off the childrens menu...
and you said rudely said childrens meals are for children because they eat
less. I try to casually scratch the side of my nose with my middle finger.
Some resturants are so nasty with their children's menu, they make you feel
like you have done something wrong. Spyder.
— SpyderS
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