Question:
Anyone with small children, how did you explain.......

I have three children 1,5, and 8 years old. My children have heard me discussing my plans to have surgery and have seen me looking at before and after pics. So they know that I'm having a surgery that will help me lose weight. Does anyone have children 5 to 8 that has had surgery? Can you tell me how you informed the children, and how this has affected them.    — Terri N. (posted on June 8, 2001)

June 8, 2001
i have 2 boys, 5 and 2. the 2 year old is too small, but i explained to my 5 year old that i had a boo-boo in my belly that the dr. would fix so i would be able to get skinny. he said he was scared for me to go to the hospital and that he loved me just the way i was. the day of surgery he kissed me goodbye and never gave it a second thought. he went to kindergarten, came home and played in the yard with his dad and brother. he came to visit me in the hospital on the second day and brought me flowers and a stuffed animal to snuggle with since i couldnt snuggle with him. when i came home from the hospital i showed him my scar. it kind of scared him but i explained it was a zipper and he didnt have to be afraid of it, he just couldnt touch my belly for a while. now he lifts up my shirt and runs his finger up and down my scar going zip-zip-zip. btw....he told me the other day he was happy i wasnt fat anymore...14 weeks post op open rny down 67 lbs!!!
   — Kathy831

June 8, 2001
I have five daughters, ages 14,12,9,7,and 5, so I had to just about cover it all. A lot depends on the child. I told my oldest pretty much everything, she thought it was cool. I told less to my twelve year old, she's more of a worrier. I just explained basically what was happening and made it sound like no big deal. I tried to emphasize how much fun it would be later when I felt good and had more energy. I told her she could write me a poem or paint me something for when I got home (she is very artistic). She wrote me poems and filled my room with flowers from our yard. I didn't talk about the weight loss as much as getting some tummy troubles fixed with the younger three. I was also having an umbilical hernia fixed that was a result of my pregnancy with the 7 year old. She wrote about it at school and told everyone I was getting my belly botton fixed. They worried less than I thought they would and did fine. My five year old held me a few days ago, and told me she didn't want me to get skinny, she liked me just the way I am. This is the same kid who once told me "I want to be just like you when I grow up, Mommy...ummm, except a little skinny." Your kids will do fine. Talk a lot about the things you will be able to do together when you are well. Give them jobs to help, so they feel that they are important to your recovery and not a burden. Good luck!
   — blank first name B.

June 8, 2001
I don't know about your kids, but my daughter (6) is pretty wise to the ways of the world. I just told her the truth--no euphemisms, no leaving stuff out. I told her that I was too fat, had been too fat for a long time, and was having surgery to reduce the size of my stomach so I couldn't eat very much. When she had questions, I answered them. So far, she's been absolutely great (and well-informed!). I'm 3-1/2 months post-op, down 70 pounds, and her only issue is that she has a hard time keeping up with me now.
   — Suzanne B.

June 11, 2001
Hi Terri, I have a dtr.7 & son 8 and I told them the truth. I discussed how over the years and dieting didn't help,I was healthy but heavy and their was a surgery that would help me become healthy and maybe skinny(I emphasized the health,not weight). I explained that my stomach would be shrunk from a 2 liter bottle to the size of bananna(I had BPD/DS) and they could relate. I reassured them I did lots of research and had a great surgeon. Grandma came to help and they would help too. My son still lifts groceries and things so I won't "pop" my surgery. They also do the vacumming and all. They understand I can't lift yet and why. My kids asked questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. My dtr. took a picture of she and I to school and this made her feel better. She knew she had to keep it in her backpack but on the day of surgery if needed she had the teachers permission to take it out. My kids did great. They had some fears which we validated but reassured and they still help 8 wks out! Be as honest as is needed for their ages.
   — Linda M.