Question:
Handling Compliments
I had RNY on May 3, 1999, have lost 75 lbs so far, and am about 15 lbs from my goal. I am very happy, had no side effects, ect. Lately though, I have been getting almost embarassed at the attention I have been receiving from people about my weight loss. I am proud of myself, and suprised at my reaction. Maybe this just takes a little time to adjust. Has anyone else felt the same way, and how did you adjust to the new you? Thank you for any suggestions or reasons for me feeling this way. Darlene — Darlene E. (posted on October 23, 1999)
October 22, 1999
Just relax and enjoy it. You have earned the admiration and respect of
friends and family.
— snicklefritz
October 22, 1999
I know what that's like! Every time someone said something to me I started
to giggle. It was very uncomfortable at first because I never liked to
bring too much attention to myself. I had surgery two years ago and lost
150 pounds. Everyone will get used to it, very few people ever say
anything to me anymore. When people who don't know I was obese, complain
about their weight and I sympathize, they
make comments like, "how would you know, you are so skinny!'. I just
laugh. Then there are the people that I run into, that have no idea who I
am. That simply cracks me up too! I think that you get used to being
thin, believe it or not. This compliment thing is temporary. When
everyone gets used to yoy, they forget what you used to look like. It is
so much fun! Enjoy it, it's what you struggled so hard for!!!!
— Terry M.
October 23, 1999
I still have this problem!!! It's very difficult for me to say THANK YOU
with a nice grin, knowing the compliment was genuine! I think I am SO
conditioned to the put down and stares and discrimination, that I
automatically assume, the person complimenting me is just "saying
it" not meaning it. I am trying to learn to graciously accept the
compliments and apply them to my brain. Sometimes even now at 280 lbs.,
after I've lost 250 lbs ... I still see the 516 lb woman standing there
looking at me in the mirror. It's something we all need to work through,
especially if we've never been a "normal" weight in our lives,
like me. I weigh now, what I weighed in Jr. High School! Great
Accomplishment, but I still hear that one boy I had such a crush on back
then, look me in the eyes and say ... "You'd be really pretty if you'd
lose some weight..." and watched him walk away from me, because he
didn't want to be associated with someone so fat. Thanks for this post!!
I like it when we talk about emotional issues too and not just food. :)
— Sherrie G.
October 23, 1999
— Sherrie G.
October 23, 1999
I too have the same problem. I had my surgery Jan. 22, 1999 and I am now
down to my normal weight before I had my daughter 5 1/2 yrs. ago. We moved
to a small town 4 1/2 yrs. ago, so everyone in this town only knew me as
being ''overweight''. Everyone I run into makes a comment and wants to know
what ''diet'' I went on. It gets to be a little aggravating because I feel
that it's really none of their business how I lost the weight. However,
when we went and visited the friends from where we moved from, their
comment was just simply ''Wow! you look great! You're back to what you use
to be. I wish the people in my town would just stop with all the questions
and accept that this is the real me not the overweight person they met when
I moved here.
— Lynn H.
October 23, 1999
10-24-99 You are having a "good" side effect of the WLS. I have
lost 105 lbs. since my WLS in April and I have people who know me come up
to me and ask if I have new glasses. I do, so I say yes. Some will ask if
I have a new hair cut. I do, so I say yes. You need to understand that I
still have about 130 lbs. to lose, so some people just don't get it. I
have friends and co-workers that complement me almost everyday and that
feels good, but can be, as you said, a little embarassing. Take the
complements in stride as I'm sure they will fade as time goes on. We tend
to have short memories and will "forget" that we were overweight,
had a mole removed, or colored our hair, etc.. Good luck with the new you.
— [Anonymous]
October 23, 1999
Hi Darlene, I feel the same way and I have only lost 35lbs. (I don't mean
ONLY--I am very proud of it). The feeling I am experiencing is that I was
the same great person before the weight loss so why am I now worth the time
and compliments. Does that make sense? I am also getting embarrassed to
tell how much I have lost because to thin people 35+ lbs. is a lot of
weight. I have just started saying I have finally been losing weight. But
I do understand your feelings. I hope I can be more supportive and
friendly with everyone--no matter what their size.
— Dot W.
October 23, 1999
I'm going to have my surgery on Nov 18 & I'm looking forword to my new
life but I'm like you in a since I do not like to be the center of
attention,I have a hard time accepting a complements even though people are
being nice I have a hard time & get embarrassed. I will have to be able
to control this better & will have to work on this.
It sounds like your doing real good,what will I be able to eat & drink
? I really don't know what to expect. I live to Rossford,Ohio so we don't
far from each other. Keep in touch & let me know how you are doing.
Good luck but it sounds like your doing good.
Julie
— JULIE S.
October 24, 1999
Just soak it all in and enjoy it. I have lost 45 pounds in the past 2
months and no one has said a word to me. It really has me bumed out. =(
— [Anonymous]
October 24, 1999
I have had problems in the past, when I was able to diet down to 'normal'
weight, that at a certain point I would receive alot of attention, similar
to what you are describing. I found myself getting really angry, because
suddenly I was being treated as though I was a valuable, worthwhile person,
and many of the people who were reacting positively to me had treated me
poorly prior to my weight loss.
I become conflicted about accepting that kind of attention from people who
were so cruel to me when I was heavy. It does seem that the majority of
people who react with effusive compliments are those that rarely
acknowledged me at all, let alone with respect, prior to the weight loss.
Also, at a certain point during previous weight losses, I was suddenly
treated very differently by men, suddenly I was a potential sexual partner
for them, and that made me angry too, because the only thing that changed
was that I now lived up to their expectation of the kind of body they want
to have sex with, but I hadn't changed psychologically. It brings up alot
of issues about how society has treated me, the majority of my life, as
though I don't deserve to be treated with respect, and that I'm not a
sexual person unless I fulfill men's visual needs. So, although I'm pre-op,
this time I'm going to go into therapy as soon as I start dropping a
significant amount of weight, to help me not be angry and disappointed in
people around me for finally treating me like a human being.
— Elizabeth M.
October 24, 1999
Darlene ... I understand where your coming from... I used to get the
"concession prize" compliments ... like your have such nice eyes,
what a pretty face, well, someone even told me I had "thin
thumbs" for a fat girl!! but while losing the weight (I lost 225 lbs)
people were amazed and pleased and always telling me how great I looked.
Yes, it became a little akward, but I decided that, dammit, I did look
good! I began to accept the compliments and the response that I generally
use is "Thank you, I feel great too!" this made me feel better
about accepting the compliment, I was not being conceded by accepting it.
Good Luck, enjoy the new you and the way people will now react to you.
Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!
Mare
— Mary Anne M.
October 25, 1999
i too am having a hard time with compliments. i am a far cry from goal but
i also have lost 75 lbs. i found just saying thankyou, i feel good works
for me for now. i may have to change someday. i wonder if the difficulty
of accepting compliments has to do with our old weight and being so
selfconscious about our weight.
good luck and congratulations.
— julie S.
October 28, 1999
At first the attention at losing so much weight made me uncomfortable. I
think that I had lied to myself for so long about having a problem that all
of this validation that I truly was obese made me somewhat angry. Everyone
knew I was fat but me.
— Vicki Z.
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