Question:
Talk about your mind playing tricks on you!!!
I am 4 months post op and have lost 70 pounds. I sure wish it was more! But have any of you gotten to the point where you look in mirror and see yourself as fatter than you've ever been? I am now coming to the realization that I am HUGE! I only have 80 pounds to go to be at goal, but I feel like it's 180. I put on my old pants today and they are huge on me (I've lost 10 inches). But I look in the mirror and all I see is FAT, FAT, FAT. More so than even pre op. Anyone else have you mind play these trick on you? — Robby E. (posted on July 9, 2002)
July 9, 2002
Funny thing is that my size 12's are getting loose - mind you I couldn't
wear a size 12 when I WAS 12! - but now when I look at my 12's they look
huge! Go figure. I don't remember looking at my size 24, 26, or 28's and
thinking they looked as huge.
— Jean K.
July 9, 2002
You may be noticing loose skin - it will tighten up with exercise if you
are diligent - I am 18 mos post op at goal - I wear a size 4 now!!! (Just
a little excited about that!) Keep up the exercise and you will tone - esp
with strength training. I still have days I feel fat though, old habits
die hard.
Best of luck,
Teresa
— T G.
July 9, 2002
Robby - I had surgery 1-14-02 and have lost 80 lbs. I can totally relate
to what you are feeling! Up until this week, I could not look in the
mirror and tell that I had lost any weight. Sure, I'm down SEVERAL sizes,
but still felt as big as ever. My turning point was yesterday. I had a
roll of film developed that was taken over the July 4th holiday, and almost
did not recognize myself in one of the photos! I couldn't believe it!
Where had my butt gone??? There was certainly something in that photo that
I could not see in the mirror each day! Maybe you should try having
someone snap a picture of you and compare it to a pre-op photo. You will
certainly be able to see the progress that you have made! Keep up the
great work, and try not to let this get you down.
— Carmen S.
July 9, 2002
I don't want to play shrink but, I know for me that after surgery I let my
defenses about myself down and started to see myself as others did. I
don't think I could let myself see all the fat before surgery, it would
have been too hard. Now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel
it's safe to see the truth about myself. It might sound crazy, but I think
it is true for me. P.S. I am 6 months post op and down 135lbs. and the
truth for me now is that life is wonderful.
— Angela A.
July 9, 2002
I can't seem to tell what size I am either. Shopping is a trip because I
bring about 4 sizes into the dressing room without a clue about what will
fit. I play this game with my husband where I ask "fatter or
thinner" about different people we see walking past and he tells me
whether I am. I am always surprised. I can remember the good old days when
I could estimate whether I would fit something with some degree of
accuracy, but not these days. In my dreams, I am sized anonymously. I
know this because someone told me to notice what size I am when I dream.
So now, even in my sleep, I am trying to get a glimpse of self, but never
can. I can look out at others with great objectivity, but have no insights
into self. Go figure.
— Bobbi G.
July 9, 2002
I understand where your coming from completely. I'm wearing a size 10 now
and I look at them and think there ENORMOUS!!! Then again, I look at
myself the same way. I have found a way to be more objective. I have a
full length mirror in my bedroom and I put up paper where my head would be
so that I can't see my face. When I put on an outfit and walk to the
mirror, all I see is a headless body and then I'm more objective. It's
like looking at a stranger. Hopefully, one day soon I'll be able to take
the paper down and still be as objective.
— Patty H.
July 9, 2002
I'm almost 10 months out and just a few pounds away from goal. I went to
buy new shorts last week and had to redress and go to the racks 4 times
before I finally got shorts small enough to fit, lol! Next time I will
just take several sizes into the dressing room! Yes, your mind does play
tricks on you. I still 'feel' fat, and 'feel' like I still 'look' fat, I
don't see it ending anytime soon for me :) I guess I'll snap out of it
someday. In the meantime though, I really don't mind 'having' to shop in
the 'juniors' dept. and don't mind 'having' to go back for the smaller
sizes, heh! Such small trials!
— DonnaCarol
July 9, 2002
Yep! I am 2 1/2 years postop, down 140+, had a tummy tuck
feel and look (according to others) great. I STILL have
my mind playing tricks on me. When I shop, I still am tempted
to go to Lane Bryant (NEVER AGAIN!), I start at 12's and
end up in 8-10's, and still think I stink at sports. However,
every time those false thoughts are disproved- I get such
a burst of confidence that I am on cloud 9 for days:) Every
day, I feel better and better about myself- in the meantime,
I am enjoying myself in this journey.
— M B.
July 9, 2002
Yesterday I was shaving my legs down close to the ankles and I made the
mistake of looking back at my inner thighs. I look like a half-shrunken
souffle! And we won't even get into the weird look/shape of my stomach
when I'm on my hands and knees and the loose skin is hanging down. I feel
great and look pretty good with clothes on, but all I can say is that I'm
happy I have a husband who has seen me through this process and can laugh
with me about my flapping thighs.
My point is that every post-op has to deal with a change in their
self-image. I hope that as you continue to lose and drop sizes, you will
begin to see yourself as more beautiful. Have you thought about taping a
pre-op picture to the fridge or bathroom mirror for a quick comparison
pick-me-up? That may help you to see what others see. We often are so
focused on the potential end result of WLS that waiting to get to that
point is difficult and it may be hard to see how much we've lost when we're
so focused on our weight every day.
— PT LawMom
July 9, 2002
i have only lost 56 (3 months post-op) but i really think i will always
think of myself as a "fat person". and maybe that's not so bad,
because it will always keep me "on guard" and will make me
behave. there are countless Q/A posts about how "i lost control and
have gained 15 pounds in a month". for me that is simply not
acceptable- i cannot let that happen. i suffered long enough as an
unhealthy person and a very unhappy person, and to think that i can always
do better "or else" is great motivation for me. it would be
unfair to my husband, my parents, and the countless people who saved my
life many times to not make this surgery a success. and how do i know it IS
a success? because no matter what image i THINK i see in the mirror, i know
i am not buying size 28 anymore (now 18) and i can sit comfortably at the
movie theater.
good luck to you and hang in there!
— kultgirl
July 22, 2002
Robby - Just today, I was going to post a question similar to yours and
then I came across your question and the wonderful answers given to you. I
think it is VERY depressing to look in the mirror and still see the old,
heavy, FAT me! I get little to no feedback from co-workers and rely SOLELY
on comments given to me by my husband (of course, we never believe our
spouses). It frustrates me immensely to look in a mirror! I know that the
weight is coming off and I am "shrinking" (size tight 22 to 16 in
eight weeks), but my brain just won't believe it! Maybe we need to have
epiphanies like the one commenter - pictures to really see the difference!
I can only hope this will work for you! God knows I need it to work for
me!
— Sue H.
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