Question:
Why is it so hard for people to give you a compliment after losing weight?

Ive lost 85 lbs and dont get very many compliments.I had my surgery 3/11/05 .I feel good I just wish more people would tell me that I look good!    — balefran (posted on June 12, 2005)

June 12, 2005
You did this surgery for your health, and for you not for other people. If you are feeling good about yourself, it does not matter what others think. Maybe, many people may not know what to say to you, so they say nothing. When I had lost about 70 lbs, one lady said to me, did you change your hair? So feel good about you, and don't worry about other people.
   — cindy

June 12, 2005
Don't worry.. I am in the boat as you :O) From the ladies at work who are obese and super obese, always telling me I am so skinny I need to eat food,or is your hubby with you with your tight pants on.. I just reply as simple as too you know our insurnace pay for the surgery wont you go for it and live..they just roll their eyes at me.. I feel great this was the best thing in LIFE for me to do!!! Ruschell Dawson~
   — Ruschell

June 12, 2005
It's funny this question has come up. I had my surgery on May 3 of this year and have lost 74 lbs.(this includes 17 lbs. I lost 2 weeks leading up to the surgery.) I am feeling tremendous, walking better and breathing easier. Yet, when I see people that know I had the surgery, I can see it in their eyes, they don't see the loss. It's almost like they expect me to be thin out of the gate. I finally figured out what the problem was. I started at 580 lbs. But I didn't look it. I had fat in so many different places (for example, I went down 2 shoe sizes so far) that I "carried my weight well". So they still saw a morbidly obese man...until today. I don't know what happened, but I put on a pair of pants that were 8 inches smaller than the ones I wore before the operation and a shirt 2 sizes smaller than I wore before and it all fit comfortably. I went out today and everyone I met that knew me before said they can really see the difference. And these are people I saw last week! If the people don't say anything right now, give it time. They will come around.
   — Scott D.

June 12, 2005
First off, congratulations on feeling good and healthy and knowing you look good! (I haven't seen any pictures of you so its difficult to say anything about appearance... I would also like to say that I am sure that you looked good prior to your weight loss too!) I know that you did not specifically say you wanted compliments for losing weight ("I just wish more people would tell me I look good!") but I thought I would give a little commentary on it since it fits in with the topic. My little commentary on weight loss and compliments: I don't compliment people on weight loss because usually I don't know how they have lost the weight. I lost 40lbs due to illness and although people's intentions were good, their congratulations on my weight loss wasn't exactly the most positive thing (for me). I used to be a mental health counselor and worked with an anorexic woman (and I know that this probably doesn't apply to the majority of people on the site) and people would say "oh, you've lost weight, you look really good" which just encouraged her to lose more weight (as in "if i lost weight and look good, i'll look even better after i've lost more" or "since i look good after losing weight, i must have been ugly and unattractive before") Also, I think by congratulating/praising people for weight loss, it sends the message that you weren't worthy of praise/compliments prior to the weight loss (which I'm quite sure you were!) and/or that you didn't look good before. I think it can also send the message to those who have not lost weight (and perhaps attempted to unsuccesfully) that they are bad or a failure for not losing weight. My compliments would probably be along the lines of "oh you look really good" or "you seem so happy" or "i can tell you are feeling really good about yourself and thats great" I also would like to say that I have been to a couple of sexy lingere / striptease / dance shows that featured fat women (to avoid offending those who dislike the word fat, i am using it in this case because that is how the women chose to label themselves). And it was hot! (these weren't hollywood's definition of fat people [meaning anyone over 120lbs]these were women who were probably between 200 - 400lbs). One thing I hate about society is that it sends a message to us larger folks that we can't look good or be sexy if we are fat... and that's just not true. And as a clarification, I'm not someone with a fat fetish. I just appreciate bodies of all sizes. This is not to say that I don't think that people who have lost weight are undeserving of compliments... but I would rather compliment/congratulate you on feeling better/more healthy/higher self esteem etc.
   — mrsidknee

June 13, 2005
I have a lot of family and friends who are still obese and they NEVER compliment me, but I found a way to get compliments (for when I am feeling blue...) I show strangers in restaurant lunch counters, fitting room sales clerks, and new co-workers who never knew me "large" my "before" picture and I mention I had "that stomach staple surgery" (people are really curious about that aspect)... I get all kinds of compliments like "you look fabulous, Wow keep up the good work!" and months later, it gets co-workers saying "you look so good in clothes now, I can't believe you were ever big!". It is nice to be appreciated sometimes, even when those we care about don't come thru for us. Best of luck on your journey! Kathy in MA
   — Kathy A C.

June 13, 2005
I figure most didn't tell me I looked like crap when I was heavy....most won't tell me I look good now that I've lost weight. :-) Just go with the flow...most people just don't know what to say since weight is such a touchy subject with most women. Side note: After losting about 70 lbs a male co-worker of mine finally asked if I had lost some weight. I "OF COURSE"...said "no". :-)
   — SJP

June 13, 2005
Lets not lose siteof the reason you had surgery. it was for your health and well being. now down 92 lbs, im been to affairs and function where immeadiste family members didnt say a word ..not even you look good did you get a haircut? a while i was wollering in my self pity that could have easily sent the ols me to the buffet..i had a lightbulb moment.first i didnt have the surgery for them and none of them told me how bad i looked tipping the scale at 311lbs. now im more confident, healhier and can outlast anyone of them on the dance floor.now i will socialize, flirt and have a grand ol time not being a wallflower anymore. All the Best! Tracey
   — traceybubbles

June 14, 2005
Funny I felt totally opposite, the attention that I got was very unwanted, I would even go so far as to avoid places that I had not been in a long time because I got tired of the jaw dropping, I just wanted to blend in like a normal thin person. 2 years later I don't have this problem, now my boyfriend who has never seen me heavy (or pictures for that matter) is just really proud of me for working off the last 10, so i think I might have finally blended.
   — Sarah S.

June 14, 2005
Congrats on your weight loss Barbara!!! WOOOHOOO!!! You are doing great! Keep telling yourself how great you feel and how great you are looking and people will see your positive attitude and the compliments will follow. Good luck to you!
   — Carey N.

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