Question:
Relationships falling apart after surgery......

I've had a few instances lately where my partner and I have been fighting about little things that ended up being about my surgery (I am pre-op) I'm relatively happy and am not looking for anything or anyone else but she is scared about me changing so much and looking more attractive to others. Is this a trust issue? A insecurity issue? I really don't need the stress of this right now, but I want to be able te reassure her. Any advice on how to make this transition more comfortable for both of us?    — [Anonymous] (posted on August 14, 2001)

August 14, 2001
I am sorry that all is not well. This is more common than you might think. First thing is that your spouse/sig. other is really scared. You are about to do several things that will change you and others lives. As with any surgery there are risks. That tends to bring out fear issues. Fear of loosing you; the fear of you becoming attracted to others, and most of all the fear of not having any control. You need to sit down with her and really discuss what all is bothering her. Let her know how much you care for her, and that you are taking her concerns seriously. If you both talk honestly about the situation it has a way of working itself out. Good Luck..
   — Karon C.

August 14, 2001
I could have written this question. I am also pre op and my husband keeps telling me "You're going to be hot!" and "Just remember who married you!" I can't predict the future but I love my husband so much that I don't think anything could change that. He's my best friend and even when I was my heaviest, he always told me how beautiful I was and how attracted he was to me. I keep reassuring him he has nothing to worry about and telling him that once the weight comes off, we'll be able to do even more together, making our relationship stronger.
   — [Anonymous]

August 15, 2001
I'm having the same problem. It kind of hurts too. I want his support but, he just seems to be ignoring the whole thing and when we do talk about it I always feel as if I am the one giving him the reassurances that everything will be okay with us. But, I have to say i kind-of understand the way he's feeling though. See he went through in patient treatment for alcohol abuse. I was worried that when he came home sober he would look for someone new. But, that is almost 2yrs ago now and we are still together. So, just be patient and give reassuances when needed. If it's ment to be it will work out. Always remember to do the little things that show her you love her and only her.
   — [Anonymous]

August 15, 2001
My hubby and I have always had a good relationship, even when I turned into the good year blimp. He is excited about my weight loss and has even lost some weight himself, as he is eating better now. When some of his friends have told him how great I am looking, he just smiles and tells them to remember that I go home and sleep with him at night! Just trust each other and be open about your feelings. All of us get a little uneasy about the changes, but to me there is no problem, when you are having this surgery to be healthier so you will be around longer for your partner.
   — gina P.