Question:
How long will it take before the desire for love making/sex returns?

I am almost 5 months post op and still have no desire for sexual intercourse/love making. My husband is extrememly frustrated and to tell you the truth I am getting that way myself. I had a active sex life prior to the surgery and now I could care less whether or not we make love at all. I have very little or absolutely no "so called" desire right now. Is it something I am doing wrong or is this "normal"? Any and all responses will be taken into consideration.    — [Anonymous] (posted on March 26, 2001)

March 26, 2001
Ok, I'm not an expert but here's a few things to think about. Are you taking any kind of medication? It's amazing how often the side effects listed are 'increased/decreased sexual desire'. Also there are psychological aspects connected to surgery that may not be readily apparent. It's possible that in the back of your mind you might be afraid you'll hurt yourself, as in pulling out stitches (whether they're still there or not). How about external issues? Is your bedroom private and cosy? You know how it is, you have to get in the mood! How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel desireable? Or are you being much too critical about yourself this early after your surgery? It takes time for everything to get back to normal. Take a deep breath, set aside some time for just the two of you, listen to some sensual music, give each other a massage, re-bond with each other and enjoy yourselves. If you're not teenagers, you don't have to act like teenagers (no offense to teenagers), just take your time and enjoy. I hope this helps.
   — Lynn E.

March 26, 2001
Everything is changing for you and your husband right now - both physical and emotional. Perhaps a change of pace would reignite the fire - an evening in a hotel, a romantic stroll on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Or if you are more daring how about an erotic video - there's nothing wrong with women needing a little visual stimulation from time to time. And with Pay-per-view only you have to know. :o)Perhaps a nice bubble bath and a steamy novel would do the trick - my husband loves to wash my back while I read aloud.
   — Cindy C.

March 26, 2001
I loved Cindy C's answer. And I agree...once you eliminate any possible medical probs...i.e. medications, stress, etc...then go for a change of pace!! A romantic little over-night trip or erotica may just be the ticket!
   — chance2lv

March 26, 2001
I love all the answers posted. I also think that you may need to have your hormones checked. This surgery does a real number on our bodies and from what I have heard, affects our hormones. Of course you heard the old joke "How do you make a hormone?...........Don't pay her!!" Wonder if they will post that??????? Oh well, we all need a laugh once in a while. Seriously, talk to your GYN about it. Should be some answers and ask to have your hormone level checked.
   — Debbie V.

March 26, 2001
"My husband loves to wash my back while I read aloud." Ohhh, is that the way it's supposed to work?! When my wife is reading her "bodice-rippers" in bed, I read over her shoulder, out loud... until I get an elbow in the forehead. I guess I'm a little unsure of the concept.
   — [Anonymous]