Question:
Is surgery worth the possibility of death?
I have been doing an extensive amount of research on wls. Today I looked at the Memorial page. I cried as I read the stories. I have a one year old daughter. I want to be able to be a part of her life. My dilema is this: if I die from surgical complications I cannot be in her life at all. If I don't have surgery, I will be alive. It may not be the life I want to be living, but I'll be there. I am 28, I don't have any major life-threatening problems, yet, so I don't think I'll die if I don't have the surgery. Can someone put this into perspective for me? I have been so certain this is what I should do...Now I'm lost. — dbmbrown (posted on December 29, 2000)
December 29, 2000
Brenda, I was in the exact same position as you. I started researching
this surgery last April. Everything seemed to fall into place for me and I
believed that it was meant to be. THEN I also read the memorials and it
scared me!! I have 4 children, one is disabled and like you, I am not
going to die if I don't have surgery. Though the quality of my life would
be better. One thing you have to remember is a large number of those
people did have alot of medical problems, some of them died before they
were even approved. Then you need to look at the number of people that
actually are members of this website. There are thousands and thousands of
wonderful inspirational stories. I have convinced myself that it is what I
need to do. I have complete trust in the surgeon that I have chosen and
have also met several girls that are post-op. Of course, the decision has
to be yours, you are the only one who can make that decision. My surgery
is in a few weeks!! Good luck, I hope that helps some. Feel free to email
me at [email protected] if you need to talk more.
— McDonna
December 29, 2000
Brenda - Boy, do I know how you feel! When I was doing my research I spent
a lot of time on this site, but avoided the memorial page like the plague!
Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that this surgery is a risk, and
looked at the memorials. I cried at many of the stories too, but I also
realized that many of those who died from complications of the surgery
would probably have still considered it worth the risk. Most had very
severe medical problems and were probably considered very high risk. A
person who has the surgery BEFORE having major health problems will have a
lower risk of complications. This is a very personal decision and I would
not presume to tell you what to do, but I also feel that if it is the right
decision for you, you will know that the benefits outweigh the risks. I am
now 18 days post-op and even though I was terrified, I went through with
it. I was not in immediate danger of dying from the obesity, but I knew it
was an eventuality. I have had two other abdominal surgeries in the past,
and the risk of dying from those was about the same if not greater. Nothing
in this life is guaranteed, except that we will all die eventually. The
choice we must focus on is how we want to LIVE. I wish you peace in your
decision. Good luck and God bless. Maria
— Maria H.
December 29, 2000
Hi. As the others have said, it is a very personal decision that only you
can make for yourself. At first I wanted the surgery very badly, but
something kept gnawing at me and telling me it wasn't right. After
insurance denial, I found out my surgeon had a great self-pay plan that I
could afford outright, and I still decided against the surgery. At least
for now. I had to ask myself, did I REALLY, TRULY give 100% of my
dedication to losing weight in the past, and my answer was honestly
"no." So now I've been in Weight Watchers, have lost 30 pounds,
feel great, am exercising on my treadmill, and I'm dedicated for the first
time in my life to win this battle. I told myself that in two years, if I'm
not where I want to be, I'll reconsider my options. But for now, I'm happy
with my choice and FOR ME PERSONALLY, surgery isn't the answer right now.
Not when there really, truly are alternatives, but like anything, one has
to be really dedicated and "want it" badly enough. I personally
don't think that there is anyone out there "beyond help", no
matter what their bmi is. Just gotta look inside yourself for the strength
to decide what is right for you. WLS has helped a tremendous number of
people, no denying that. I for one just can't take the risk that I'll be
one of the "lucky ones." Good luck to you.
— Linda J.
December 29, 2000
Hi Brenda,
I tell people all the time to make sure this is something that they want to
do. Because once it is done it is done. As with every surgery there are
risk. You must be sure that the risk out weighs the benefits for you. For
me it was a must that I have this surgery. My weight was out of control. My
health was deteriating. I wouldn't do anything if I felt it wasn't right.
Give yourself some time try exercising and cutting back see what you can do
on your own. Just make sure you think long and hard. Everyone experience is
different. My experience wasn't bad thank God but some people had a hard
time. This your body only you know what is best for you. If you do decide
to have the surgery don't think negative about it. Just put it in Gods
hand. i don't think anyone should go into surgery with a negative attitude.
If you decide to not to have the surgery that fine too. No one on this site
is going to shun you. We are here to help you and answer all of your
questions. I hope this put it into some perpective for you Sharon
— Sharon T.
December 29, 2000
Yes, this was scary for me, too. But since I was a bit older, I had had
the chance to diet and lose/gain many times til whatever was left of my
health was completely gone. I knew I had a choice. Die slowly, probably on
a breathing device of some sort while my fmaily watched? Or die fast on
the table. I was comfortable with my hereafter, but the manner of dying
concerned me. I did not expect to live, either way. Imagine my surprise
when I woke up and had no problems at all! I am so envious of the young
ones, who have their surgery (with a competent surgeon) and get on with
their lives. I spent so much of my life food focused, usually what I was
not going to eat, and taking food away from my kids to prevent them my
agony. I wish I could've had it done 20 or 25 years sooner. Of course, I'd
have had a more primitive surgery and been redone a few times, but it
might've been worth it to have been set free from food years ago, and maybe
never have had some of the comorbs I eventually got. Given a choice, I'd do
it again. And again. And again. My husband had a pretty severe
complication, was very sick. But he, also, would do it again.
— vitalady
December 29, 2000
This is such a personal question! What should I do? I am 29 and I have
two little girls 2 & 6. I have asked myself the same questions that
you are asking yourself, what do I do? Four years ago I got a video in the
mail about WLS and I throw it in the trash. I said to myself, NO WAY!, but
today I am saying YES. I have talked to my husband, mother, sister,
brother, mother-in-law and friends. Most have agreed with my choice and
than others tell me that I am crazy (my mother-in-law, she is the crazy
one! lol). I keep thinking of my girls and what would happen to them if I
was no longer here. I believe that they would be in good hands, but more
than that I keep thinking about the lack of mothering that they are getting
now. I can't do many things that they need and want me to do and I feel
guilty about that. I worry about the stress that my weight has on them. I
took my daughter to school the other day and one of her friends told her
right in front of me, that she had a really big mommy. I was crushed!
You need to look for the signs around you! Pray, GOD will give you the
answer, he always does. I feel deep down that I am in his hands, if it is
my time to join him, than that is his will. GOD BLESS!
— Trisch B.
December 29, 2000
I too have a young daughter (20 months) At first I was consumed by
thoughts of her living without me because I had this "elective"
surgery. But when I really thought about it - I dont take her to the park,
I hate going to the beach or pool, I dont get down on the floor and play
with her interactively the way I would like to - and although I am
otherwise absolutely healthy - I dont think my body can lug around this
weight and remain so. I dont want to be walking with a cane or in a
wheelchair in 10 years. Its a personal decision and you must weigh the
costs. Look carefully at those who passed away and their stats if
available, then address the specific issues with your surgeon- if you arent
satisfied with how its addressed - find another surgeon. I wish you all
the best!
— Anna B.
December 29, 2000
Brenda..I've never gone in a pool with my kids, I've never gone bike riding
with my kids, I've never gone hiking with my kids, I've never gone on a
roller coaster with my kids, my kids sit by embaressed while I ask for an
extension for and airline seat, In Hawaii my kids and husband are in the
blue water while I sit on the beach in black pants or jeans......I turned
45 this year..Perfect Health!!! BUT NO MORE FOR ME...I want to do all those
things with my kids(Even though they are 13 and 16 now) Not to be
depressing...just think long and hard about these things...with much
care..Debora
— Debora H.
December 29, 2000
Brenda... This is a difficult decision, I know.. Here's some
perspective.... If you had chronic Tonsilitis, would you get your tonsils
out? If you had gall bladder disease, would you get your gall bladder
removed? Those two surgeries have the same risk of death as weight loss
surgery does. The odds of surviving surgery are with you in a big way...
about 99%. You're young, with no comorbids, non-smoker (I hope!)--your
odds are even better. I had surgery over a year ago and I'm so incredibly
thankful that I didn't have to leave this earth before I got a chance to
really participate in life. This past year has been a dream come true for
me. I've done more "living" in this past year, than I've done in
my 43 years combined. So, risks???... do you know your risk of having a
heart attack is 200% greater as a morbidly obese person, than a normal
weight person? Your risks of getting endometrial, ovarian & cervical
cancers are all at an increased risk of 50 times or greater as a morbidly
obese person. These risks are very, very real and, after watching my Mom
die of endo cancer, scared me right into having surgery. Dying a slow
death of cancer is no way to go.... believe me!! You can read my story at:
<a
href="http://www.mywls.com">http://www.myWLS.com</a>.
— [Deactivated Member]
December 29, 2000
Brenda, don't let anyone presure you in either direction with this. I work
with heart patients at a hospital in IN. We reciently had a 22 year-old
girl that was 6 months pregnent and over weight have a heart attack, she is
ok and the baby was when she left the hospital. We now have a 27 year-old
recovering from quadruple bypass. I am sure weight was not the only factor
involved in their heart problems, but I am sure it didn't help. These are
not the the norm but they show we may not be as healthy as we think we are,
just because don't have any of the classic comorbs. Think about.
— MARK N.
December 29, 2000
I am 31 years old and have 3 kids, 6, 4 and 13 months. With a BMI of 69, I
am MORE at risk staying the way I am vs. having the surgery. I can't make
the decision for you, nore should anyone else. It is UP TO YOU! I have
also read the memorial section and it scared me. It seemed that the
majority of those that have lost this battle had pre-existin conditions and
previous WLS surgeries. Fortunatly for me, I am in good shape. What does
that mean? Well, my doctor stated that, with the exception of my weight, I
am in good shape. Non smoker/drinker, young age and I am very active.
(golf, walking, basketball, etc.) I just can't find a diet or anything
else to lose weight. I have researched this procedure for a little over a
year and again, in my situation, I am at a lesser risk if I have the
surgery. My surgery date is 2/1/01. Once I get back on my feet, I will be
more that happy to share my experience with you. Good luck and no matter
what your decision, you are in our prayers!
— Kevin A.
December 29, 2000
My father had his first heart attack at the age of 35. Heart disease took
him at the age of 48 even after have major bypass surgery. For myself, I
may never have a heart attack. However, I knew my risk was greater because
of my family medical history and weighing 532 lbs. Life is for the living
and my determination for living is so great that sometimes we have to take
drastic measures in order to make a change in our lives. Along with a
quanity of years for living, I also wanted a quality of life. Before my
surgery, I ate, slept, and went to work-that was it. What do I want now? I
want to travel, finish my education, get married or even have a good long
term relationship, I want to watch the younger generation of my family grow
up, I want my good health back. I'm childless. However, when my mom and her
best friend turned 50 several years ago, I saw something in them that
helped me to understand where they were coming from. Most people (women in
perticluar hate turning the big 5 0) We went out to lunch to celebrate
their birthdays because they were born three days apart. They felt so
wonderful because they felt they had lived long enough to see so many
wonderful and not so wonderful events in their lives. The biggest thing was
seeing their children reach maturity and knowing we could take care of
ourselves. In seeing this, it made me feel wonderful knowing they had
reached a major milestone in their lives. No one can make this decision for
you. Not even your surgeon. I'm a little over two months post op. For me,
there are no regrets. I look forward to every new day even though it is not
guranteed to us. But when my eyes open everyday, I say thank you God-let me
do what is willed.
— Jan M.
December 29, 2000
— Jamelle S.
December 29, 2000
Brenda and others: Thank you all for this wonderful discussion. I am soon
to be 40 and my wife and I are expecting our first child in February after
nearly 18 years of mariage. I am thrilled and excited in ways beyond words
about the baby. I am also thrilled and excited at the possibility of
having surgery this year (sometime after the baby is born). MY BMI is
around 52 and I have hypertension and my feet and legs (especially hips)
hurt almost unbearably sometimes. I have never checked it out, but I think
I could be a candidate for hip replacement (I don't want to do that). If
WLS could help me avoid that and do things with my unborn son, it will be
worth any sacrifice I have to make. I am not afraid of dying so much as
having complications that render me unable to work for a few months. I
want to do the surgery to avoid being a burden on my family. My breathing
is hard. I have a long history of heart disease in my family (both sides).
Nothing would thrill me more than being able to buy clothes off the rack
at any store other than a Big and Tall shop. Or to be able to go to
meetings without stressing over the size of the chairs. I want to be able
to tie my shoes with ease - not break a sweat from the experience. I want
to be able to teach my son how to ride a bike. I want to go hiking with
him. There are so many advantages to having this surgery for me it is not
a difficult decision to make. Anyway, thanks again for bringing up the
difficult stuff. I trust you will do what you feel is best and that WILL
be best! Take care all,
— jeff P.
December 29, 2000
Brenda, good question. And everyone has very personal answers. My own
story is that I also have two daughters, a useless ex-husband and an
elderly mother. Who would take care of my kids if I developed
complications from either obesity or surgery? Well, before WLS, I was
headed for a wheelchair in 5 or 10 years time, because the cartilage in my
right knee was so thin from injury and weight. I guess my answer to your
question is just that: I didn't risk death...to continue on at 277 and
climbing at about 30 lbs. a year was risking the wheelchair. One thing
that helped me put the memorial page in perspective was to look at the size
and general health of the people. I didn't have anything in common with
them, so although I was very saddened, I didn't really worry about not
surviving. Also, I was encouraged by the statistics and knew that if I
wasn't amongst the 98% of the people who survive surgery, then I was just
going to be hit by a garbage truck anyway if I hadn't had it. In other
words, I believe when your time is up, ain't nothin' you can do to stop
it...and now, my time is just beginning. Good luck and God Bless,
Brenda...I hope you find peace in your decision.
— Allie B.
December 29, 2000
You make good points. However, just because you are relatively healthy
doesn't mean you will be around. There is a reason why so many insurance
companies pay for htis surgery. It saves them money in the long run because
it does make you healthier. I want to tell you a little story.
When I left work the day before my surgery, this lady I work with who is 44
was so supportive. She too is overweight but in relative good health. She
offered support and told me that my life was going to be better and she
would see me on the other side. I will never get to see her again. The
night of my surgery, after she had sent me some flowers, she died in her
sleep from a brain aneurism. The moral to this story is that we take risks
every day without calculating them. You never know when you will be gone.
Don't let the memorial page give you the sense that this is a frequent
happening. Remember there are 22,000 members and about 25 memorials, some
of which were not as a result of the surgery.
Good luck with your decision.
— Perri T.
December 30, 2000
Hi Brenda - I don't post alot here but your question really touched me.
You said you don't have any health problems - I didn't either at 28.....or
should I say I didn't have any "diagnosed" health problems. But,
being morbidly obese we are 50 times more likely to develope breast cancer.
I watched my mother die of breast cancer and I can tell you without a
doubt that I'd rather die during weight loss surgery than of breast cancer.
Being morbidly obese makes us tremendously more likely to have a fatal
heart attack. So, really you are only as healthy as a morbidly obese
person can be. At 35 I began having health problems and was eventually
diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, arthritis, fibromyalgia and other various
and sundry annoying conditions. I have two teenagers and a WONDERFUL
husband. I chose to have surgery in order to see grandchildren some day -
to grow old with the man I love - to LIVE life rather than simply watch it
pass me by. I urge you to follow your heart. Feeling good and actually
being healthy are two different things. Surgery saved my life. It wasn't
easy but it was right for me. I know you'll figure it out. No one can
tell you what to do but if I was going to offer advice it would be this:
Give weight loss surgery serious consideration. It's the greatest gift you
can give yourself and those who love you. Good luck to you!!!
— ronascott
February 6, 2001
I am in the process of getting aproved for RNY. Yes it is kind of scarey.
But going on the way I am now is even more. I weigh 395 & bmi of about
58. I have severe sleep apnea, high bloodpressure, triglycerides and high
insulin. My grandfather who was very heavy, died of diabetes related kidney
failure and that scares me more than the surgery. Yes there is a small
chance I could die post-op but at the rate I am going I really am concerned
that I have a lot higher chance of dying in the near future if I don't do
something drastic to get the weight off now. Mortality statistics favor
having the surgery especially if you are having other major health problems
related to morbid obesity.
— [Anonymous]
February 7, 2001
Read my profile for my story. Best wishes with your decision.
— [Deactivated Member]
February 7, 2001
Brenda ... very few of us had "major life threatening problems"
at 28 as a result of morbid obesity. The only diagnosed one I had was
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome that was interfering with my ability to get
pregnant. However, I had a family history of cancer, heart disease,
stroke, diabetes, arthritis, high blood pressure, and just about everything
else bad you can get. Between the ages of 28 and 42 -- my age when I had
my surgery last November -- I went from about 190 pounds to 350 -- gaining
and losing the same 150 pounds three times in that same period. I
developed sleep apnea, type II diabetes, had severe gestational diabetes
when pregnant with my first son, clinical depression, high blood pressure,
arthritis so bad in my left knee and ankle there were days I could hardly
walk, yadda yadda. And, as my weight went up, my involvement in the lives
of my two sons went down. I could hardly move, let alone participate with
them in anything. Walking half a block left me sweating, puffing, and
wheezing. Surgery was scary, but thinking that I wouldn't live to see my
boys grow up was scarier. You're right, if you die from surgical
complications you cannot be in your daughter's life at all, but the overall
risk of death from the surgery is less than 1%. The same cannot be said
for the risk of death from the complications of morbid obesity. Most of us
-- today or tomorrow or next week or next year -- are looking at odds of
more than 90% that the weight, or something caused by it, will eventually
get us. We all must make our own decision, but be careful if you are being
led by fear. Fear has kept us fat. Fear has kept us spectators in our own
lives. Fear will keep you from having a full relationship with your
daughter, with your husband, and with everyone you love and who loves you.
Warm supportive thoughts, whatever you choose ...
— Cheryl Denomy
April 2, 2001
Death is certain for all of us. We can chose to die slowly with
obesity.From the problems it causes, like arthritis which will not kill
you, but it will prevent you from exercising and the medications you have
to take for the pain can cause more health problems to death. Let's see
high blood pressure is another complication of obesity, this is known as
the silent killer, another complication with slow or fast death related to
it is diabetes, which as with me and my husband have due to our weight. I
myself is a new onset with little damage done to my body at this time. My
husband on ther other hand has had a brother near death from diabetes, and
he suffers from seizures when his sugar gets to close to 400. With poorly
controlled diabetes comes a whole new onset of slow killing factors as
kidney failure. This alone is a slow horrible process to live with.
Dialysis which keeps most of these people alive takes away your life right
there. If dialysis is needed for kidney failure from diabetes, you stay
hooked up to a machine that pulls your blood out cleans it and replaces it.
The process is long, boring, and takes every other day of your life. Now
that was only two complications of being obese, I have not named all of my
complications yet, and I am only 33 years old. More danger that I face
every night is Sleep Apena, and I can not wear the special mask to keep my
airway open, so every night I sleep fat, my heart and breathing stops for
short time periods several times a night. Lets go on, gastric reflux a
wonderful complication of obesity, can cause a bleeding ulcer in my throat
at any time, I have to control this with medication. These are just a few
reasons why I want the surgery. Yes I debate possible death from surgery
or the long slow death which causes misery every day for the rest of my
life. I have two children and with this surgery hope to have more. I want
to have a better life with these children, just to be able to play , run ,
go biking, or walking with them would be worth possible death. Hope this
helps.
— Annette B.
November 16, 2001
I have been on this site, along with others for countless hours
researching, getting firsthand experiences, technical data, and good
advice, trying not to miss one piece of information. I have been
confident, scared, eager, dreadful, happy, and sad. I spent a lot of time
on the negative, probably trying to talk myself out of it. I have read the
memorials from top to bottom. I must say, I was overwhelmed with grief
over their stories. I winced when I finished scanning over their many
complications. From leaks to clots, I wondered if I, too, could endure
such pain.
But, after all my naythinking, I have come to the conclusion that no
grieving thin family member or friend could ever understand. That no
matter what the cost, if you are an obese person,trying to make it in your
everyday trials and tribulations, you have got to try. Even if the risks
might include the ultimate sacrifice. In saying this, I hope not to add to
the suffering of anyone who has lost loved ones. I wish only to help them
understand that these people did not risk it all for vanity, social
standing, or mere acceptance. They were more like patriots battling for
their freedom.
After thinking long and hard, I believe that I, too, am willing to risk it
all. I hope to be one of the successful stories you find here of people
breaking off the shackles of obesity, both of the mind and body. Not just
to survive, but to really live. God bless each and every one of us.
— [Anonymous]
Click Here to Return