Question:
What to do?

Hello I dont wont to sound ungrateful. I am a single mother of three and raising them by my self. I weigh 390lbs and go to work every day and make a living for myself and my girls.I have got to have this sugery or i will DIE no buts about it. I took out insurance through my work for my self only. It is costing me 65 dollars a week. It has been very good insurance. I am approved and haveing the sugery next month. My problem is now i am broke. I am behinde on my bills and i am going to have to be off work without pay. I know this is not your problem but i dont know where to turn or what to do. I love my girls and i dont wont to loose them and i dont wont them to loose me. I cant get any help from no where. What does one do?????    — Michelle R. (posted on May 19, 2000)

May 19, 2000
Dear Michelle, How I feel for you. I have been there and done that and soon to do it again. I had my surgery, but, I need a hernia repair and I don't know what we will do for money during the recovery time. I have a hubby thank goodness but his money covers bills, mine covers food and clothing and such. As for your situation, I might offer a few answers that you can take or leave. Do you go to a church? Could they help you financially? Most are willing to do so if you just ask. What about food stamps? Do you or the children qualify? I would then go to the mortgage company (ie: or rental office) and let them know that things are bad now and could they give you a few weeks)it can't hurt to try. Car companies are usually more than willing to defer payments, as is the phone company, electric company etc for a month. There are also organizations which might help you with food for the month such as the Red Cross and others. Food and electric would be my main concerns for the children right now. Once you have lost weight and/or are recovered alittle you might be able to take a second job to repay the things you got behind on. This is what I am doing in preparing for my hernia surgery....I took a second job, am rarely home but it's only for 2 months till I can save enough to have some money put away. Also, I don't know who you work for but, would they be willing to advance you a month's salary with payments taken out during the next 6 months to repay it? My company has a fund for families in need....have you asked about that yet? Also, are you having lap or open? If possible maybe you might consider lap as the recovery time seems so much less. These are all just thoughts and I hope that at least one might help alittle. I wish you joy and happiness but more than that I wish you good luck and peace in your decision. Barb
   — BARBARA R.

May 20, 2000
Dearest Michelle--my thoughts and prayers are with you in what probably seems to you an impossible situation to overcome; but it's not. Since you must be out of work for medically necessary surgery, (you wouldn't have been approved if it wasn't), There are several sources that you canturn to for assistance. For starters, in most states, your local social services agency will pay your bills for you on a one-time basis, if you can demonstrate financial need. They will not pay your phone bill (they don't usually consider a phone a necessity) but they will pay your rent, light bill and gas bill. If you have an organization like Urban Ministries in your area, they will give you food for your family--especially if you have children--they will provide canned goods, baby formula, nutritious cereals, packaged foods like rice and pasta, and possibly cheese. They will also give you a voucher to take to the supermarket to buy meat, milk, bread, and other perishables. If you do not find a listing for Urban Ministries in your local directory, then call your local Social Services - they will give you the name of a comparable agency in your area. Also, while you're in the phone directory, look up food banks--they help also in the same ways mentioned above. I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you. Also, if any of the bills you referred to are car or credit card payments, I'd strongly suggest you call each of your creditors prior to your surgery, explain that you are having medically necessary surgery, and tell them how long you will have to be out of work--they will be much more likely to help you with payment deferral if they know your reason for delinquency is legitimate; and this will spare you the stress of repeated calls from them when you're at home trying to recover. Also if you are making any furniture payments, check your payment agreement. Most include insurance on you, which will make the payments if you are disabled for a certain amount of time (how long, depends on the policy). If you need child care daily while you are recovering, since you will have no income during that time, Social Services is likely to help with that, too--in fact, during the time that you are out of work and without income, you may also qualify for AFDC (Aid For Dependent Children). This would give you a stipend to assist with paying for child care, as well as food, and other expenses for your children. Best of luck to you on your surgery--I hope you will pursue some of these options ASAP; you will need to be able to focus onpositive thoughts, and have peace of mind as you approach your surgery date. My prayers are with you.
   — Donna S.

May 20, 2000
I can relate to your situation. If it were me this is what I would do. First I would try not to let the stress of this interfere with my children. They will have enough on their plate soon with me going into surgery. So act as if all is well even though you are in a little spot. The second thing I would do if it were me is pray every day about a solution. If you dont believe in prayer then skip that step. Do you have short term disability? If so it should hold you during surgey. If not then you need to go down to your local Social services Dept. and sign up for services. Your medical care for the kids and food stamps and some money for other bills will be taken care of but its never enough to pay the rent so the advice from the others is good here. Go to your local church and ask for assistance. They will help if you ask, if you sit and wait for them to come to you they won't. You will have to be proactive in geting help but it is there for youif you need it. Good luck and God Bless.
   — Courtrina Amur W.

May 21, 2000
Michelle, I'm kinda in the same boat with you. I'm also a single mother and my work income (which, in no uncertain terms, "sucks") is my only income too. My adult children have helped out financially as much as they could, but I got behind in many of my bills following surgery and am still trying hard to play "catch-up". My advice is to try to make sure as many of your utility and other bills are completely caught up (or even a little ahead) before you go in for your surgery and contact other creditors as soon as you realize you might fall behind following your surgery. Most creditors are willing to make alternate payment arrangements when they understand the circumstances and see that you're at least trying and you're not "forgetting" about them or attempting to dodge your obligations. As for more "practical" things (like food...groceries, etc...) the food bank idea is a good one. You can also contact the Salvation Army and area churches if you really get in a pinch. Good luck to you Michelle. You'll get through this and be so much better off in the long run. God bless. cj
   — cj T.