Question:
What can I tell my co-workers?
I don't want to tell my co-workers that I'm having WLS. I work in a small government office with some really wonderful, caring people that have really big mouths. People will come up to me (post op) and ask me, in detail, what type of surgery I had. I don't want to be 'mysterious' - I just don't think I want to deal with the judgments and gossip (probably no one cares & its all in my imagination, STILL!) What kind of 'stomach surgery' would require someone to be off of work for 4-6 weeks? Thanks for all your help, this is really the best site and best support group I have ever had anywhere! — Toni B. (posted on January 14, 2000)
January 14, 2000
Since this is your decision you can tell who u want but I told everyone
where I work and they were all very supportive
— [Anonymous]
January 14, 2000
I was concerned about telling my coworkers, because I work with all men. I
have always believed honesty is the best policy, so I told them. They have
all been incredibly supportive. I am glad I decided to tell them.
— Judy C.
January 15, 2000
I told everyone at my office exactly what i was up to. I have had an
immense amount of support from them, Including a dozen yellow roses at 4
weeks post op (they decided that they wanted to wait until all the other
flowers were gone so that I would have something new). But for an idea if
you choose not to, my husband told his parents that I had trouble digesting
yeast and that they removed a piece of my intestine to try and improve the
condition. You could also say that you are having gallbladder surgery but
they must do it "open" because of your weight. Good Luck!
— Marjie W.
January 15, 2000
I told the people at work I was having my gallbladder removed. I did not
tell anyone that I had gastric bypass surgery until I had been back at work
for 4 months and they thought for sure I was going to die because I was
losing weight so fast. :))
Best of Luck.
Lorinda
— Lorinda M.
January 15, 2000
Personally, I don't think its a good idea to make up a story...those have a
way of coming back to bite you. Its always better to tell the truth. More
important though is the fact that you're not obligated to tell anyone
anything! This is your personal business and if you don't want to talk
about it just don't. If someone is a pushy busy body just remind them that
you're not comfortable discussing something so personal. Good luck!!
— Roseann M.
January 15, 2000
Hi Toni: People can be horrible, can't they? What on earth are they
thinking? LOL! I told my coworkers that I was having my gallbladder out,
which was true, and that I was having some work done on my intestines. Let
them assume the rest! If they press you for details, tell them it's really
upsetting to you to discuss it right now because it's so personal. That
will usually quiet them down in a hurry, because it let's them fill in the
blanks however they wish. Then, when you go back to work, (depending on
how long you're out of course) you can decide then whether you want to
clear up the mystery or let them continue to wonder. I went back after 9
weeks, and had lost quite a bit of weight by then, so I told people what I
did. It's sure a lot easier to do when it's all over and things are OK. I
still had to deal with people watching me while I ate (I'd tell them STOP
WATCHING ME!!!....we all got along well so I could do that and laugh).
Good luck! Jaye.....I'm melting!
— Jaye C.
January 15, 2000
I have mixed emotions about this subject. Being an obese
person myself, I can certainly understand your hesitation
in telling your coworkers about this surgery. It is a private
issue. And I know how cruel people can be about obesity.
However, how are we ever going to convince these people that
obesity is a disease, and not just something that we have
done to ourselves, if we continue to be embarrased by ourselves.
Would you have a problem telling your coworkers if you were
having surgery for cancer? We have to start to look at ourselves
differently if we ever expect the rest of the world to.
— Tina H.
January 15, 2000
I have been thinking about this same issue. Since my gallbladder will be
removed and I had a terrible gallstone attack at work, I have told
co-workers that I am having my gallbladder removed. I do not feel it is
anyone's business what I decide to do. But the reality is when you work
for a "close-knit" company, you do have to give them some type of
explanation.
— kris R.
January 15, 2000
Toni
I too work in a close knit government office. I told everyone that I was
having abdominal surgery. I guess no one had the courgage to pursue it
further. I went back after 5 weeks. I had lost a noticable amount of
weight. I told the two women who noticed the weight loss what I had done.
They were great about it. I explained that I hadn't told my coworkers what
I was doing before surgery because I didn't want people trying to talk me
out of something I had researched and thought about for two years. As far
as I know they still haven't told the other people in the office. Kandy
— kaydeeb16
January 15, 2000
Thanks everyone for such great response. I have about a month before
surgery-I still don't know what I'm going to do. I've always been pretty
much an open book, and sometimes its been uncomfortable. Gossip is like
mist -- its all encompassing, and sometimes so thick you just can't see
your way thru it, and there is no stopping it or getting away from it. I
was on a leave at work for what eventually was diagnosed as Chronic
Fatigue. When I came back someone from another department called and said
he didn't want to stress me out and cause another breakdown that would put
me back on medical leave. I could always come up with a nasty response,
but I'd be the one getting the discipline. People aren't nasty only behind
your back anymore. I'm really grateful for this site, and for your
friendship and support. I know I what be alone in however I decide to
handle it!
— Toni B.
January 16, 2000
Hi Toni - I understand. I did the same thing. In fact I only told my
closest associates two weeks before my surgery. I just told people I would
be out a short time for minor surgery - and I only did that two days
before. That way no questions. What kind of surgery are you having. 4-6
weeks sounds like a long time unless you have complications. I would have
been back in two except for an abdominal infection which kept me out
another week. But I had a lap RNY - maybe it is different for other
surgeries. When I returned and people saw me losing weight i just said I
had WLS and everyone was thrilled and very supportive. At that point I was
more willing to answer questions that people had. In fact one secretary is
now looking into WLS for herself. Good Luck
— Sharon V.
January 16, 2000
Hi Toni~~
I just wanted to add my little 2 cents to this post. I, personally, was
very open about my decision to have my gastric bypass, to those who I knew
would support me. To those I thought would give me grief about it, I tried
not to let them know what I was planning. At first it was sort of
embarassing telling people that I was going to have surgery to help me lose
weight. I kind of felt like a MAJOR failure!!! It made me think that
people looked at me like a fat slob, someone who could not exercise
properly, someone who could not put down the fork or push away from the
table. The fact is I was embarassed because I didn't stop eating when I
should have, I didn't eat properly when I should have and I certainly
didn't exercise when I should have. And I brought on that embarassment to
myself. I felt very self defeted. I am now 6 1/2 months post op and I am
very open about my surgery. I have the confidence now that I certainly
didn't have 7 months ago. I don't look like that fat person who couldn't
stop eating or exercise right. I am no longer embarassed by myself,
because I am eating properly and exercising and doing the things that I
should have done months or even years ago. I agree with Ava's post, a lot
of this obese thing is blamed on genes. Which is true, it is, but the fact
is we need to take responsibility for OUR OWN ACTIONS and to admit we have
a problem. Just like an alcoholic needs to come to the realization that
he/she is an alcoholic, I believe admitting that we are foodaholics will
help us to accept our disease and not hide from it anymore. I guess what I
am trying to say is that until I came to accept my part in this, I was in
total denial that I had a problem. Which meant denying to others too.
Once I could admit my fault I felt better telling people about my surgery.
There...now that that is said and done, I hope I made some sort of sense.
=) Good Luck Toni!! Marni
— Marni
February 20, 2001
Toni, first and formost this surgery is personnal and no one other than
your employer need know....I did not tell anyone in my office I was having
the surgery (my boss knew). Slowly but surely some were begining to get
word I was going to have surgery-one girl finally asked me what kind of
surgery I was having, I told her it was really not something I was ready to
talk about because I was not sure how the people in the office would take
it and she said OH ok....later I did tell her when I decided I did not care
what they thought because this was to impove MY health and well being and
had nothing to do with them....I am now nearly 3 wks post-op and I have
been hearing from my office at least once or twice a week..wanting to know
when I am coming back that I am missed...so really it is up to you how you
would want to handle it..Good Luck Sandy
— Sandy A.
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