Question:
Anyone else have a close friend full of jealousy?

I had my surgery 9/2002 and 6 months later my close friend, or should I say ex-friend now, had the same surgery by the same surgeon. For whatever reason, she has not been as successful as I, and she blames me. I had done nothing but support this woman through it all, and she turns against me, finding every excuse to blame me, and not face that it may be all her doing. I am thinking emotional issues are definately an issue here....Meanwhile, she threw away our friendship, and at a year out has not followed up with the surgeon. I try not to let it bother me, but it does...thanks for letting me air=) 176 pounds gone forever, and at goal of 147. Yeeeehawwwwwwww=)    — EMN (posted on April 2, 2004)

April 2, 2004
I told feel you. I have a so call best friend who is acting the same way right now. She tried to discourage me before the surgery. I really truly think she wanted me to remain big just like her. Misery loves company, remember that! It is her loss not yours. She is the only one at fault for her surgery not being a success. You can not make her exercise or eat right. Don't blame yourself. It is pure jealousy and envy. What she should be doing is supporting you in your endeavor and maybe yall could exercise or eat right together. But instead she chose to hate. Just move on.
   — kubbiebear

April 2, 2004
I'm sorry for the loss of your friendship. It took me a while to get over breaking off a friendship of many years, but I knew it was in my best interest. This was completely unrelated to WLS, but I know the pain you are going through. People do strange things when they see others taking steps to actively change their lives for the better. It all goes back to self-esteem in my opinion.
   — Yolanda J.

April 2, 2004
I lost a good friend too. It bothers me because she still sends me these stupid emails like, "sorry I've just been really busy" blah blah blah. I am not calling or writing her but she keeps avoiding me and basically pointing out that she's avoiding me. When I got the surgery she said, Oh you're gonna be cuter than me!" She kept pointing it out when I'd see her and the more weight I lost, the less we'd hang out. I changed the dynamic of the friendship and I can't blame her for not liking that. It's her own insecurities but what else can you do?
   — mrsmyranow

April 2, 2004
I too lost a "good friend" after surgery. I thought she was one of my biggest supporters after surgery. She was the only one who knew my "secret". I told no one but her about my surgery. She was fine until I purchased some clothes from her at a yard sale and they fit me. It was ones she could no longer wear. Looking back a year after our split, it was for the best. We each had a role in our friendship (mine was the fat, always available, and ready to eat out role), and when that role changed, so did our friendship. I think we take losing friends so hard, because we can't see we really are changing and we want to cling to the past. The unknown future is to scary. Before either one of you had surgery, would she have blamed you for anything? Has your roles changed? I personally know how hard it is, but you have to accept change and make new friends. You can never have to many.
   — june22

April 2, 2004
This is my lost friendship story. Or at least one of them... Any way, I was friends with this girl since we were (fat) kids. We did everything together, cook, eat, eat out, cook out, ect... But then I lost weight by half starving myself to death. She was still big but I never tried to make her feel bad that I'd lost and she hadnt. We had a strained relationship for a while until I gained all of the weight back plus some. Then everything was right with the world. Fast forward a couple of years and she wanted us to have WLS together. I had not heard anything but bad stuff about it so I told her I didnt want to do it but she went ahead and had it done. I took her home from the hospital but I didnt see or hear from her for a few months. She just showed up at my doorstep one day to show off how much she had lost. She was skinny but looked bad, pale and sickly. She didnt do anything but rub it in my face that she lost her weight FOREVER but I had gained and she never wanted to be like that (me) again. She told me that I was part of her old life and she needed to move forward. She left her husband and moved in with a new guy who didnt know she used to be fat or that she had WLS. She told him her scar was from female problems. Needless to say we didnt speak for YEARS. She called me out of the blue last year to check up with me. Life wasnt so grand for her anymore. I told her I had WLS and was doing good. She busted out crying and told me how she is MO again and in bad health. I asked her about what vits she was taking and how much protein she eats but she had no idea what I was talking about. Come to find out, she does not take care of herself and never had. No vits, no protein, no follow up with her surgeon, nothing. She eats candy, pasta, bread, rice anything she wants. She even drinks while she eats. When I told her that all the research I've done says not to do these things, she said she never did any real research, she just wanted to be skinny. Well, she doesnt even have that anymore. I offered to help her any way I could, offered her my books, tried to tell her about this site, ect... but she pulled away from me. Its too painful for her to face what she did to herself and to me. Maybe one day she will be willing to seek help if not from me than someone else but I hope she gets it. I cant save my friend all I can do is let her know I'm here but if she doesnt want my help so be it. ~Sidney~ OPen RNY 10-23-02 down 142 and under goal
   — Siddy I.

April 11, 2004
I have a friend who I may be on the verg of looseing along with all my weight. We have been friends for almost 20 years (long distance of course) and we have both been over weioght since we meet. I was approved for surgery and since have lost lost 160 lbs. She however was denied and only continues to gain. I often want to talk to her about my stresses and emotions, but I feel like she feels I am bragging. All I can offer is that there are others out there in the same position you are and try not to think this is you doing in any way! Good luck Jodie
   — Jodie S.