Question:
Does anyone else ever feel like they are a
I hope I don't sound ungrateful after this post and I am probably going to get some hot feedback after posting this but I'm just wondering..... I am seven months post op and have lost a staggering 92 pounds. I have gone from a size 26 to a 14 and I've never worn a 14 EVER in my LIFE! Well, needless to say, others have noticed too and I am so embarassed by all the attention I am getting. I mean, some of it is soooo flattering and I LOVE it, when approached nicely. But today, at lunch, I was entering the cafeteria at work just minding my own business and this lady who works in the same building with me who hadn't seen me in a while freaked out and yelled "OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!" I thought there was a fire, for cryin out loud! She was talking about me! Everyone in the caf turned and looked at me like there was something wrong with me. That is the third time someone has reacted like that! Is it just me or have other post ops just wished they could be NORMAL. — RedHeadBeauty (posted on September 17, 2003)
September 17, 2003
I'm totally with you on this one! I just wish people would forget what I
used to look like. I'm trying real hard to forget that other person, but
since losing over 285 pounds, everyone feels they have to comment on my
weightloss every time they see me. I'd like to maybe discuss something else
sometimes you know, but the weigh always comes up first. Great example - I
went to a funeral over the summer and saw family I hadn't seen since I
started my weightloss journey. One look at me and after they figured out
who I was, I became the main topic of conversation, even to the widow! It
was very embarrassing and if I had had any inkling they were going to do
that, I wouldn't have gone or I just could have pretended to be someone
else since they didn't recognize me at first anyways. It's really nice and
great that people are so happy for me and what I've accomplished, but there
are times when I'd really like to just be an anonymous regular sized
person.
— Traci H.
September 17, 2003
I totally understand where you are coming from. I ride the bus in to work.
Generally it's the same group of people every morning. There's one older
lady who quite often says, "Oh my gosh! Look at you! You're getting so
skinny! How much weight have you lost? SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS! OH MY
GOSH!" Of course everyone on the bus can hear her. I find it quite
embarassing. Of course at first she questioned how I was losing so much
weight and when I told her I had surgery, she started talking very loudly
about it, so now everyone on the bus knows I had this surgery. I don't mind
the questions, but when she is so LOUD about it it brings unwanted
attention from others. Oh well, I guess it's better than being stared at
because I was the "fat lady".
— Barbara C.
September 17, 2003
I agree with you. I am so tired of hearing....You were always a pretty
lady, but my god now you are gourgeous! I am still the same person I alway
was. I am just able to get around better now and wear clothes off the
rack. I went from a size 32 to a 20 heading for an 18. Do people think
that they are helping us by making such a deal of it? I don't know what
the answer is except that when people start to react like that I cut the
conversation really short by saying thank you and I was just on my way out.
Good luck everyone.
— Laurie B.
September 17, 2003
Amen! I dont feel so alone now! Of course I have someone who is CONSTANTLY
telling everyone I had wls! Im sick of it they act like losing weight is
some new fad thats going around! I dont regret my decision to have it, Im
glad I did but this OH MY GOOOOODDDDD stuff has got to go! Id rather be
constipated!
— Darlene H.
September 17, 2003
I love the attention, but I too find it embarrassing and get a little
annoyed with it sometimes, finding it disingenuous. People are hung up so
much on appearance when a big change occurs that they forget there's a real
person in there trying to deal with lots of change. Superficially, it's
nice to get compliments, but on a deeper level, I get a little annoyed with
attention from people who wouldn't have given me the time of day before I
lost weight. I've about come to the conclusion, who needs attention from
people that superficial. I'd rather pick and choose friends I can count
on.
— Cathy S.
September 17, 2003
I can relate, too! I just don't want to talk about it 24/7 or at
inopportune times. The other day, I was telling my friend that some of the
comments others made were out of hand and getting to be too much for me. I
compared it with being pregnant. At the end of your pregnancy everytime
you go somewhere somebody will ask you if "you've had that baby
yet?!?!" or, "When's that baby coming???" You feel tired,
big and frustrated....and, now the you feel the world is staring at your
belly! And, I handled the pregnancy comments the same way I deal with the
WLS comments.... I get a little embarrassed, say something somewhat nice
and appropriate and leave. I wish I was better at turning the
conversation around.... but, I ususally just scoot away. Good luck and as
others have said, "It's better than being the subject of conversation
because we're fat!"
— teresa M.
September 17, 2003
Hi Melissa...I completely get what you're sayin'...it's like HOW HUGE WAS I
TO BEGIN WITH?!?. Oh well, I guess it's better than "You don't look
much different!" 'cause that makes me think HOW HUGE AM I STILL? I
like your question...thanks.
— rebeccamayhew
September 17, 2003
The woman was wrong to do this. Some people just have ZERO common sense.
I would ignore her and walk away. Unfortunately, people are so used to
seeing us fat, that when we lose this massive amount of weight, we REALLY
look different and it blows them away. After they get used to seeing you
at the lower weight, you WILL be NORMAL to them. There just not used to
seeing you like this. Eventually it will happen.
— Patty H.
September 17, 2003
O.K., I guess I'll be the unpopular one here when I say, "what did you
expect?" I totally agree that someone who is loud and drawing
attention to you, has no common sense. It can be embarrasing at times if a
big fuss is made in front of a lot of people, BUT, how would all of you
feel if no one said anything at all! This is a HUGE change. Think about
it from their perspective. If someone you worked with was really large and
all of a sudden they are small, would you just ignore that? I guess I'm
just lucky because, although I hear something just about everyday, it's
very flattering and not insulting. I guess I'm also lucky that, even
though I work in a large office, people have been very discreet about not
embarrasing me in front of other people. So, while I agree the woman who
yelled out at you was totally out of line, try to remember that sometimes
people just react without thinking. It was such a change to her, she
probably didn't stop and think about what she was doing. Personally, I'll
take the compliments over the disgusted stares any day of the week.
— Kathy S.
September 17, 2003
I agree! I had a big party for my 8 year old for a religious event, then I
went to my cousin's first birthday party, and to a friend's 40th birthday
party and the focus was on me at all 3 events. I didn't want it to be and I
felt really bad that the focus wasn't on the event. When things settle down
though and my normal weight is more expected, I may miss the attention just
a little!
— Yolanda J.
September 18, 2003
At least no one asked you if you've lost weight due to cancer! I go tanning
once a week, exercise (and still have about 20 more lbs to lose) and
"thought" I was looking pretty good...these kind of
"compliments" I don't need!
— j D.
September 18, 2003
<font face="papyrus" font size="3"
color="mediumpurple">This is a most interesting problem. I am
pre-surgery and this provides me with the opportunity to begin to think
about how I would like to handle such an event. How about a "coming
out" party in which YOU are the focus so that you can get it all over
with in one grand event? For those relatives who live far away I think I
will actually do up announcements once I am down to a "normal"
size so that they know what I now look like. I tend to be an "up
front, call it as it is" kind of person so I will be very clear that I
had surgery to help me with my genetically induced obesity so that I can
live the remainder of my life unencumbered. I do think it would be so very
disappointing to hear nothing about how I had changed for the positive, but
at the same time I would want genuine compliments and not all that hot air
crap.
The obnoxious people who have to be very verbal are just people with no
social manners and they usually manage to make themselves look rather
shallow and dim. This is where if you could muster the courage it would be
wonderful to be just as bombastic back and comment on how they look too and
not necessarily for the better. haha. I guess I will need to think of
responses for such an event. I know my response about being fat has been
canned in my brain for years "I am working on my problem, what are
you doing about yours?!" [meaning their rudeness]
Meanwhile, enjoy the new and wonderful you.
— Arizona_Sun
September 18, 2003
I am also 7 months out and have lost 94 pounds. I have gone from a size 24
to a 10-12. I haven't been this size/weight since my wedding over 13 years
ago. I love the attention, but have also been in the place many of the
others have been in. I went to an unveiling ceremony at a cemetery last
Sunday, and the focus was on me rather than the deceased, who ironically
had been a WLS patient in the 70's and never regained his health. Thak
goodness that now most of the people who know me have seen me and the
others know I and my sister have had it. As the others have said, after
the initial reaction you will fade back into the woodwork and will be
forgotten. People even notice the way I dress, and I tell them that I
couldn't afford to dress this well before, but now can get great stuff on
the clearance rack for $9.99 or so per item. Anyway, even with the
attention I love the results and will have to live with some of the crass
people who just don't demonstrate tact. Good luck!
— Fixnmyself
September 18, 2003
I am almost 3 years out and I am so enjoying feeling normal. I will still
ocassionally get compliments, and it's nice. However, what I most enjoy is
new situations. I love meeting people for the first time and having them
know "this" me and not know the "she used to be fat and she
lost a lot of weight" me. I love it when people have no idea that I
was ever big. Of course, I probably feel this way because I chose to keep
this surgery a secret and I really didn't ever want the focus to be on
me--it was uncomfortable. During the rapid weight loss, I would accept
compliments quietly and quickly change the subject. Again, I love meeting
people for the first time and having them only know me as I am now. Shelley
— Shelley.
September 18, 2003
I guess I'm strange. I am 3 yrs post , and I never get sick of people
reacting that way to me. I think it was because I was just looked passed
for so many years. It seemed that if anyone ever noticed me it was because
I was this "thing" and not a person. But I never want to forget
what I was or how I felt preop. That is part of what keeps me on the
straight and narrow now and what makes me appreciate how far I've come. I
do agree with the other poster about the dressing well comments and wish
people would not worry about how much I spend , it really is none of there
business.
— Rose A.
September 21, 2003
hi
that hasent happen to me in that aspect but i just ran into someone that i
know from church and said hello to her and i can tell the way she
acknowlede me that she didnt know who i was and i use to work for her
husband so she knows of me and we would see each other in church and talk
afterwards that was really funny when she didnt know who i was i also have
change my hair style from curley to straight and the loss of 120 lbs also i
guess i really do look different if you come right down to it well take
care rosemary
— ROSEMARY A.
Click Here to Return