Question:
Am I being selfish?

I have arranged to have my surgery scheduled during a 2 week break from law school, on April 22. A friend's graduation from med school is May 10, with festivities planned the whole weekend. I have known about her graduation for a long time, of course, but I have been researching and jumping through hoops to get the surgery for a long time, too. I will be about 2 1/2 weeks out of open surgery when her big day comes. A mutual friend is giving me a hard time for scheduling the surgery so close to that time, telling me I should just wait 4 more months to have it done during the next school break. She says I shouldn't think of myself now. Well, pardon me for thinking about myself! Do you think that realistically 2 and 1/2 weeks after open RNY I could sit in a stuffy auditorium for hours while some guy drones on and on, then go out to dinner that night (of course not eat anything)? And help put on a brunch the next am? I healed very quickly after a c-section (3 days and I felt wonderful). I just feel so angry that this friend is trying to make me feel bad for doing this. I think it's because she is MO herself and maybe she's afraid I'll succeed.    — [Deactivated Member] (posted on February 28, 2003)

February 28, 2003
No Inga, you are NOT being selfish. You may feel yourself tiring a lot easier but if you aren't doing a whole lot of the cooking and cleaning for the brunch, you should be okay. As far as sitting in the auditorium, that will probably be the roughest part! Take a small pillow or cushion to sit on and try to get up and use the bathroom once or twice just so you can walk a bit. You have every right to feel angry with this friend for her attitude. She should be more supportive. I think you hit the nail on the head though, she's afraid and insecure. Best of luck to you on a speedy recovery! :) - Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02 -113lbs.
   — Anna L.

February 28, 2003
A true friend would understand what "work" it has taken to go thru the consult, insurance waiting etc. I would NOT postpone if it were me. I have been waiting 6 months so far and have almost 2 more to wait. IF you notice there are so many surgeons booking for 2004!! That would be disasterous wouldn't it if you cancelled but couldn't get booked for this yr! Jamie
   — Jamie M.

February 28, 2003
I am in my last semester of law school. I know what a small window of opportunity I had to schedule my surgery without missing a lot of school and being able to study for the bar. It's not easy. My doctor gave me the exact perfect day (I love my doc for many reasons but that is one of them) over January break. My next opening would have been spring break. GO FOR IT. Tell your friend you will be there for her, maybe at the brunch for a while or maybe at the dinner, but you probably will be uncomfortable sitting for too long. Ask her if there is something else you can do for her post graduation (like a few weeks later) that will help ease her into postschool life. If she doesn't think that is good enough, then just do what is best for you.
   — susanje

February 28, 2003
First of all I do not think you are being selfish. I think your friend will understand. I had open RNY and was fine at two weeks post-op ( I could of gone back to work.) My main problem was my energy level not pain. At the two week point, I was able to sit through a three hour movie. When I went out to dinner I would order soup. I think you will be feel good enough to join in the festivities. Good Luck. **kelly
   — Kelly T.

February 28, 2003
I don't believe you are being selfish. If you had to have any other kind of surgery to save your life or health would your friend say to put it off? It takes too long to get to surgery. Think of yourselve for once. Good luck
   — Carol H.

February 28, 2003
Like many people here, I have spent my entire life doing what others wanted me to do. Now, I have decided that I want to take care of me. From what you said, I beleive that your MO friend does not want you to have the surgery at all. I bet if you waited 4 months she would come up with another excuse for you to postpone the surgery again. If the person who is graduating is a true friend she will understand. I believe that you will be able to participate in her graduation festivities, maybe just not as actively as you would have. Do what is best for you!!!! Best wishes. Pam
   — Pam B.

March 1, 2003
I had a similar problem happen to me. My best friend was graduating from our college and was having a dinner party. She planned for it one week before my surgery, then my surgery got postponed a week, and I was having surgery the same day her party was. I felt horrible, but that was out of my hands. I think this can kind of be out of your hands, too. Law school is very demanding, and it's hard to get breaks. I think you should go for the surgery with your scheduled date, and I think you'll still be able to make all the festivities. Sitting for a while shouldn't be too much of a problem, and going out to dinner will be fine. (you can bring your own food or order soup or something!) I'm sorry your other friend is giving you a hard time about this, there really is no need to, you should still be able to attend. Goodluck to you, and think of yourself- b/c it is your health!!
   — Lezlie Y.

March 1, 2003
Go for your surgery no holds barred and don't feel guilty for one second. At 2 1/2 weeks, you will be driving, off pain meds, and overall, feeling OK. I had Lap, but I also had 2 c-sections so I know how you will feel. You will probably be tired but feeling OK. Do your best and don't put your life on hold any longer. Good luck to you.
   — Yolanda J.