Question:
Have any of you had your surgery done in complete secrecy?

I am a wife and a mother of 3 kids under age 5. I live in a fairly small city. I have decided to keep my surgery a secret (only my hubby knows). Has anyone done this> Is it hard? How do you explain the weight loss?    — April S. (posted on February 25, 2003)


February 24, 2003
My only suggestion is don't tell your kids -- they are notorious at their ages for telling everything to everyone!
   — [Deactivated Member]

February 24, 2003
I have done my best to keep my surgery a secret and now that I've lost 75 pounds, people are really starting to ask how I've done it. My answer: high protein, low carb diet. It's the truth. As for my explanation for what type of surgery I had done? Preventative surgery and gall bladder removal (I had gb removed at the same time). Good luck!
   — Yolanda J.

February 24, 2003
I told my husband, my grown kids (who may or may not have told their girlfriends/friends), my 9 year old who is old enough to know to be discreet, and my best friend (who also had the surgery). Other than that I haven't told anyone. Because I am at 7 weeks (today!) my weight loss isn't really showing yet (I'm a slow loser). However, my weight has always yo-yo'd and I don't typically invite nor appreciate comments on my weight gains/losses so I don't know if anyone who knows me well enough will comment.
   — susanje

February 24, 2003
I told only my mother. After surgery, I told the rest of the family. Now I don't care who knows. My reason for not telling was that I didn't want to listen to people who wanted to talk me out of surgery or tell me negative things. For people who ask me about my weight lost now, who don't know about the surgery, I just say "if I don't eat much, I lose weight". Some people have asked me if I'm sick, I just say no.
   — barbara A.

February 24, 2003
I didn't tell. Had good reasons not to, as I'm sure you do too. Here's the secret... NEVER tell how much weight you've lost. It's hard for people to tell how much a MO person weighs, and it takes awhile before the loss shows up. When asked how much weight I've lost, I just say "Alot" or in the beginning "not enough". If some family member pushes it, and I HAVE to come up with a number, I under estimate by at least 1/3. If they ask how long it took, I include the 6 months prior to surgery that I was on Meridia (and only lost a couple of pounds) but I include this in the amount of time I've been "dieting". When asked how I did it, I tell them the truth... high protein, no sugar or white flour, lots of exercise.
   — mom2jtx3

February 24, 2003
I've not yet had my surgery...scheduled March 31st. However, I've been very secretive about my surgery. Just as one of the below posters, I don't want any negativity. I've only told my husband, my mother, grandmother, & aunt. I've been debating on whether or not I should go into detail about my surgery with my In-laws. I want to, but am afraid that it will get out (through the grapevine) to the people I work with. I don't want this...some have already made comments about someone they knew having gastric bypass surgery and how it's awful and makes you look old. Right then and there I decided there was no way I would discuss my decision to have it with them. I don't need that. I'm not doing it specifically to lose weight (added benifit though)...I want to be healthy. I want to do things with my son and my husband without getting tired so quickly. This surgery is very personal in so many ways, that I don't feel I owe anybody and explanation. I've told them that I'm having surgery on my stomach that will reconstruct my stomach so that acid will no longer come up into my esophagus (reflux) as well as fixing my hiatal hernia. Not lies, just not the whole story. Anyway, good luck to you! (smiles)
   — Renee B.

February 24, 2003
Funny you should ask that! I was just thinking the same thing. My surgery is March 4th and the only relative that knows is my husband. We live in Texas and the rest of our families live in California and Arizona, so it's not like we'll bump into them all the time. I just didn't want the worries (my mom), the criticism (my MO brother), or the questions (everyone else). I have two grown children who I would tell, but I just figure this is a personal choice so I'm keeping it personal. They'll all notice sooner or later (hopefully sooner) that I've lost weight. Frankly, that won't impress them because I've lost weight before. And like most of us, I've always gained it back, plus more. The difference is that this time I'm committed to keeping it off. That's what the others will notice, and by the time they do, I'll probably feel more comfortable with sharing how I did it. Good Luck!
   — Barbara C.

February 24, 2003
My surgery is Mar. 14th. I've been very selective about who I tell.A co-worker was in my office day before yesterday.Out of courtesy I told her I would be out on medical leave.She asked what kind of surgery I was having. (We're not that close). I told her corrective surgery on my stomach from a previous surgery.(Sounded good, didn't it?) Anyway, she looked at me and said, "admit it, you're having your stomach stapled".I could have fell out of my seat.I told her no (because it's none of her business).She went on to tell me how awful and dangerous it is.It's people like her that I don't want to deal with.
   — Debbie W.

February 24, 2003
HI there, April! I completely understand about wanting to keep it private. I only told my hubby, niece (we are raising her), my Mom, one( of my 5 ) brothers and best friend. To date, these are still the only ones who know. Before surgery, a majority of the time I was cooped up in the house, I had other health problems that kept me indoors, when others finally saw me, I had already lost 60 lbs. When asked what I was doing, I simply told them that the doctor had me start on a diet similar to Atkins and start exercising. Which is true. Protein first, mainly protein. I saw 2 of my other brothers recently and these 2 I am not close with at all, their wives have got the biggest mouths women could ever have, so I KNOW I don't want them knowing, so when they saw me, they asked what had happened, I told them it was too long and complicated to get into and that I had a "BIG STOMACH" problem ( which it was very BIG) , my doctor felt that I needed an operation for it, (which he did!), and now things are working fine. I tell them the same thing, I do something similiar to Atkins and exercise. Work around the truth. Do I feel guilty, NO, would I do it again, yes. Your life is just that, yours. You want to keep it private, by all means, do so. Hope it helps. Vi. open RNY 9/23/02 down 109 lbs.
   — Vi F.

February 25, 2003
I chose not to tell co-workers that I had the surgery. I did not want folks asking me every other day how much weight I lost, nor did I want them to scrutinize every morsel I put in my mouth. I know of others who told people they were having gall-bladder surgery. You explain the weight loss as a new resolution to eat healthy after the gall-bladder surgery.
   — Wanda R.

February 25, 2003
I told no one and I'm glad I didn't. It's no one's business, and it's not my responsibility to educate the world.
   — Angie M.

February 25, 2003
My husband and my mother are the only two people that know. I needed help with my small children, or I probably would not have told my mother either. These 2 people have kept this totally secret and I am over 2 years post op. I told my twin 4 year olds that I was going on a trip. I NEVER mentioned dieting or my "funny" food issues post op and they never noticed. I never showed them my incision or mentioned anything about being sore or hurting. My children knew nothing because I have to agree with the other poster, children will innocently say something. I also didn't want them to feel secretive or feel as if they had to "cover-up" for mom. So, they never knew what was happening. I too answer the How much lost question with "a lot". No one will press with a follow-up. The truthful amount lost will seem impossible to others to lose without some kind of "intervention" so be sure to not answer them. The only visitor I had in the hospital was my husband and that was just for a couple hours. I wanted him home taking care of the kids and keeping their lives as normal as possible. I really wasn't lonely and actually enjoyed the peace and quiet. You will need help with lifting afterward if your children are that small. Teach the youngest to climb in and out of the car seat, high chair, stroller NOW (of course with supervision!!). You will not be able to join any support groups (other than this one). If these are things that you can handle then I say go for it. I have totally enjoyed being private and I, too, do not feel like I need to educate the world. It is not my responsibility-especially now that this surgery has become much more common-place. Good luck!! Shelley
   — Shelley.

February 25, 2003
It can be done :) My husband and I both had surgery last Thursday. We did tell his mom cuz we flew her out from OK to help with our 12 year old daughter. We decided to tell our daughter, but we could easily have not told her and in 20/20 hindsight - wish we hadn't to save her the worry. We also have a teenage son and daughter that we did not tell. Just told them we were having some surgery and it was nothing to worry about. They were satisfied with that info. I just talked to my mom about my weight today. She was saying how she was concerned about my health. I told her not to worry and that we were losing weight and were watching our diet, walking and taking vitamins. If the subject of surgery comes up with other people (or our daughter wants to talk about it), we tell them we had abdominal surgery - which can cover a myriad of ailments. If they press further we can just say 'it's personal'. People (yes, even family) shouldn't be so nosy. Good luck - when the weight loss questions come we will tell people the same thing that we told my mom. Some day we may want to be spokespersons for wls, but this is what's right for us, at this time.
   — jnc

February 25, 2003
April, like the others I did not want to have to answer questions about "how much I have lost" and have people watch what I put in my mouth so I told only a select few relatives and very close friends. Yes, they noticed at work and when asked, "how?", I told the truth-small frequent meals, high protein, lo carbs/sugar, lots of water and exercise. I also agree with the poster that when people ask, "how much" you have lost, to not tell. Losing 100 or more pounds and with all the publicity of weight loss surgery out there, it may lead people to speculate. I would just answer "alot" and if pressed, just repeat"alot". They'll get the hint that you don't want to tell the exact amount.
   — Cindy R.

February 25, 2003
hi, my surgery is March 26, 2003, and there is some people I wished I hadn't told. My brother is really against the surgery. But my husband and teenage boys are for it. So I have decided that they are my family now, And as long as I have there support that is all I need. I don't think you should feel quilty, I am also from a small town, just moved here a year and a half ago. But I don't want the people from my home town to no. app. 600 people, I have told a few of my close friends, But there is some poeple I don't want them to no my business. Just let them no that you are doing life style changes. And you don't owe them an explanation. You are married to your hubby not them. Good luck,
   — Wendy T.

February 25, 2003
I am pre-op and I have only told my husband and my sister, my son I thinnk I a bit to young to really understand it and beyond my sister mine and my husbands family is VERY judgmental and I don't need the negativity beofre the surgery. The caveat is that I work in healthcare and it is hard to tell supervisior without just clinical curiosity getting in the way....so not sure what I will tell my superiors at work. I may or may not tell other family members after it is all over....for now...mum is the word.
   — Sarah S.

February 25, 2003
Well I can understand not telling before your surgery. But its impossible to hide a 100 pound loss. People will suspect you have cancer AIDS or other dreaded disease. Besides the news of your surgery might filter to someone else saving their life too. THERES NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED OF WLS! It saves lives just like cancer surgery.
   — bob-haller

February 25, 2003
i only told my husband and my mother. i feel it is my choice and one i had to make on my own. i also feel that it is a private choice. i didn't tell anyone when i had female surgery...and i feel it's not their bussiness either. just tell them if they ask that you are on a diet and working with a doctor. or tell them nothing at all. what i find so strange is that if someone is loosing weight people who don't even know you will ask you if you have lost weight.but not many people comment on if you have gained alot of weight..weird huh? and some people get freaked out because you are eating a certian way (ohhhhhhh that is not enough, that's not healthy). but they didn't say anything when we were stuffing our faces with all kinds of junk. don't feel like you owe anyone an answer because you don't. and if you do tell people don't expect them to all agree with you and cheer you on. just as it is your right to think the surgery is a good thing, it is also their right to think it is a bad thing. there is a reason there is patient-doctor Privilege...it's nobody's bussiness but your own.
   — k K.

February 26, 2003
I told everyone I had my gall bladder out. When they asked me months later about my weight loss I just said once I started losing from not feeling well I just kept going and decided to put myself on a strict diet. (TRUE)
   — M P.

February 27, 2003
I wish I had kept it secret, I am so tired of the f-ing food police and the questions about my weight loss, the "innocent" but do people loose weight TOO fast? Are you really eating That? or really cute... are you going to reverse it after you loose the weight since you will have learned better habits? OR you look sooooooo much better (was I really that ugly before?) to jealousy & catty remarks from those who need to loose 30 or 40 or so # about how unfair it is that they can't have the surgery. or you need to go eat something. (thank you for your input but I will decide what and when I will eat.) Do I sound bitter? pms-ing big time and frustrated.
   — **willow**

February 27, 2003
April, I can totally relate. I am having surgery on 03/24/03. I have told my four children, ages 6 thru 16, my sister and one brother. I will tell others after the surgery. But it was tough decision to make in the first place and I just don't need unwanted advice from so called experts who never had the surgery but their beauticians cousins husbands nieces friend did and the outome wasn't good. You know what I mean. I just don't need that. My husband and those who I have mentioned are the ones who will support me right now and that is all I need. Good Luk and GOD BLESS us both!
   — Steph P.

February 27, 2003
April, I can totally relate. I am having surgery on 03/24/03. I have told my four children, ages 6 thru 16, my sister and one brother. I will tell others after the surgery. But it was a tough decision to make in the first place and I just don't need unwanted advice from so called experts who never had the surgery but their beauticians cousins husbands nieces friend did and the outcome wasn't good. You know what I mean. I just don't need that. My husband and those who I have mentioned are the ones who will support me right now and that is all I need. Good Luck and GOD BLESS us both!
   — Steph P.

February 28, 2003
I had my surgery done w/ only the knowledge of my husband and doctor. As my name suggests, I do highly regard my privcy as well as others. My weight loss has never had to be "explained"--it has been gradual enough to reflect a good diet and excercise. Only now at almost 4 months out do I share my story--and really only to those who ask who struggle as I did. I did NOT wish to discuss this pre-op and be fodder for the "break room", or engage in endless discussion and debate of my very PERSONAL decision. I needed to put the energy towards educating and preparing myself for this HUGE step I was taking--and did not needed it reduced to a tabloid event. Additionally, with all the false starts of weight loss we have all seen I just wanted to be a little more on "terra firma" with this one. Good Luck to you--I'm glad I kept my mouth shut until I was comfortable. Feel free to contact me.
   — Wannabe A.

February 28, 2003
Every person has to make their own decision of who to tell and not tell. I considered very carefully who I would share the information with regarding having the surgery. In the end I decided to be honest with everyone even if I was going to be critized for my decision. As it turned out I only received support from everyone, family, friends and co-workers. I answer any questions they ask me and now there is someone in my office considering the surgery and she has been able to see my ups and downs. I do not regret my decision.
   — Cathy N.




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