Question:
Should my 2 year old visit me in the hospital?
I just got my surgery date (4/22) and now that it's really happening, I have to prepare my daughter. She will be almost 3, and will stay with my parents while I'm in the hospital. She already knows that I am going to have my tummy fixed. I know she'll want to see me, but should we wait until the NG tube is out? Would that be too scary for her? Are there any other single moms out there who had a young one and couldn't pick them up for a while after surgery? How did you manage your child (mine likes to be picked up when tired, etc)? On another note -- I got my date today, and found out that the weekly classes that are required prior to surgery are at the same time as one of my law school classes. Since I am 7 weeks into the term, there is no way I am dropping just to listen to 7 weeks of boring tax again next term. So I have to pay extra $ to meet individually with the staff every week to go over the material, as if I can't read it myself. OK, I feel better now that I've vented! — [Deactivated Member] (posted on February 19, 2003)
February 19, 2003
I have a 4 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 5 and a half month old. I had my
surgery on 2/3. I did not have the children visit me in the hospital. I
didn't have any drains, tubes, staples or anything, but I just didn't want
them to come. I was home 3 days later and everything was fine. I do not
lift my kids at all. I have my mother in law here for the entire month to
help with the kids, but honestly I think she could have left a week ago. I
have been totally fine and the recovery has been a breeze. I had her come
for "insurance," in case I had some complications. My advice..
have someone available to take the kid if you need it, but you will
probably feel fine. Good luck!
— SarahC
February 19, 2003
I am not a mom.. but I did hear a suggestion on how to hold your child.
You can sit on the couch and then they can climb onto the couch and then on
your lap. It's okay to hold them, just not to pick them up.
— Janet S.
February 19, 2003
I am having a lap rny on 04/10 and I have a beautiful (just had to add
that, lol) two year old daughter and I have decided that if all goes well
and I am doing fine that my husband will bring her to visit me. I think
that this is a individual decision and that you need to decide if you think
your children will be able to handle coming to see you and then having to
leave mom behind and go home. I think I will miss my little angel soooo
much that I could not stand not seeing her for three days. Good luck with
you choice.
— Kim R.
February 19, 2003
When I had my lap rny, though I did not have a NG tube, I did have a
*central line* (iv in the neck). I did NOT allow my kids to visit me in
the hospital. I felt that that would be far too traumatizing for them...my
sons were 2 and 5 and a half at the time. My sons understood that I was
having *something* done to my tummy, and that they just could not see me in
the hospital. I made up little packages for them and left them for my
husband and my mother to give to them each day that I was in the hospital.
I made sure that their packages were something *special* for each of
them...coloring book of their favorite characters and brand new
crayons...matchbox cars the next day. You can do the same with your
daughter...perhaps a barbie...even toys from mcdonald's are good....and
cheap too. I got most of the stuff from the dollar store. I think I spent
all of about $20 for the two of them...ten on each. And even now they
remember that Mommy sent home presents for them...it made their time go by
and made their separation from me easier.
Good Luck and have a Sparkling New Life. ~CAE~
— Mustang
February 19, 2003
I am seeing so much negative on this one that I would like to post a
positive. My daughter had just turned 5, and I explained to her that I was
having surgery to have a smaller tummy, and I made it kind of a game as far
as her eating more than I would, and that there were things that she could
have that I couldn't anymore, (made her feel more of an adult). I also
asked her if she would like to see me in the hospital, and she said yes. I
wouldn't change it for the world. When I woke up from surgery I was
screaming so bad (they forgot to put medicine into the epidural, and the
morphine pump was in but not on lol nightmare) I screamed for 2 hours, and
the nurses finally asked me if I would like to see my daughter she had been
asking for me, and that if I did I would have to stop screaming. That did
it. My little girl understood enough to ask if she could make Mommy feel
better by coming to see me, with her wilted flower she had picked while
patiently waiting. She was only in there for a minute while I was in ICU,
but for her to be the first face and KNOW why I was going through all this
pain was a relief in itself. While I stayed in the hospital (5 days) She
came and would read me stories, she painted my toes, and asked nurses
questions (like why my tummy was still big lol). I loved that she was
there for me. Now you are saying a 3 year old, if your daughter is what
your world revolves around like mine, then seeing her would help you push
yourself to make it everyday. (In my opinion) However, maybe not right
out of surgery, maybe when you are in your own room not ICU. Make sure to
ask her if she has questions, if the first visit doesn't go well with her
being there, then have someone scoot her out and go home with her. She
doesn't have to come back but it would ease her mind that mommy is going to
be ok, and also yours that she is being taken care of.
<br><br>As far as the picking her up goes, it was very hard not
too. I showed her my staples, let her touch them, I even let her help put
a bandage on (even though it was put on wrong). She knew my pain she could
see it, and she knew I couldn't pick her up. It was hard in the beginning,
but I kept showing her the staples and she would remember. Someone said
snuggling was good on the couch, be careful with that too, it is easy for
an elbow, or a knee to go into the tummy, and sometimes the jolt of her
jumping around next to you may jar you. I always had a pillow over my
belly when it was snuggle time, and she played mommy by taking my temp and
reading me stories. <br><br> I am sorry this is so long winded,
but basically each individual has a different relationship with their
child, and they know the level they are on. I for one don't hide things
from my daughter, even when Daddy got deployed, and had to go to
"war". I may break it down for her on her level, but she knows
the good and the bad. <br><br> Some people may not agree with
what I just said and that is ok, but my relationship with my daughter is a
friendship and that is how I want it to stay. I want her to know I confide
in her and hopefully when the time comes she will do the same. These are
my opinions, take them with a grain of salt, accept them or don't. But
make that decision for yourself dont be influenced one way or the other.
Have a blessed day! ~Ang~
— angel_wls
February 19, 2003
NO. Even the most darling little children harbor germs, they should not be
brought to a hospital where people are compromised and healing. Also, for
the benefit of your child, she shouldn't be introduced to the germs of the
many sick people in the hospital. I know you think you will miss her and
want her to know that you are okay, but you'll be home before you know it
and you can talk to her briefly on the telephone when you are feeling up to
it.
As far as picking her up, start preparing her now, but don't blame it on
your surgery or something like that because you don't want her to think
that she's hurt you. Tell her that she is such a big girl and you are so
proud of her now that she can walk like a big girl. Use a chair to help
her in and out of her crib/bed, high chair, etc. You can hold her and
snuggle with her all you want, just sit down with a pillow over your
incision and let her climb onto you, with your guidance. If she's still in
diapers, let her climb onto the couch/bed and change her there so that you
don't have to get down onto the floor or lift her onto the changing table.
And finally, when things get rough, let her eat the same thing for three
meals while sitting on your good sofa, at least you'll get a little bit of
peace before you have to clean up the mess. : ) Good luck and God bless!
— cjabates
February 19, 2003
I am pre-op but do plan on having my two older children visit me on the 2nd
or 3rd day. My 17month old twins<will be about 20 months then> most
likely will not come visit. It will be hard not to see them but it is 2
hours to get to the hospital, BUT if it was closer, nothing would stop me
from seeing them if I was doing ok. <p> My husband had an emergencey
gallbladder surgery once, my kids were like 5 and 7. I had no idea DH would
look so bad on the second day. He was really out of it, the drain in his
nose and he looks really really BAD. I took the kids in, as i said i didnt
know he would be that bad, they got really quiet and asked if he was alive.
Poor things. He did wake up enough to tell them he wasnt in pain just
really tired. The point I am trying to make is...........if you can wait to
make your decision about your child going in to see you until after you
know how you are doing then it might be ok, but I personally would not take
the chance that you might scare her. Good luck with whatever you decide.
— TheresaC
February 19, 2003
My kids were 7 & 9 and I didn't want them there. A little too
"real". My husband took a couple of pictures that they saw after
I was home and fine. Even the pictures freaked them out a little. They
spent the week with grandparents.
— jen41766
February 19, 2003
When my daughter was 2 we were in an accident and I had to be hospitalized
(she was fine, thank God). She didn't eat while I was in, so my brother
took her to visit me, she hugged me for about 10 mins then finally ate
something. I guess she needed to see I was ok, because that was the first
time we were ever apart. I would wait to see how she is while you are in.
If it is bothering her so much then by all means, have her visit. If, like
my daughter (now 6)is having too much fun (I had my bro take her to NYC
overnight to keep her occupied during my RNY) and couldn't care less, then
don't have her visit. You really have to take the child as an individual
into consideration. I know it would make you feel better to have her
visit, but would it make her feel better to see you if you are not the same
way she is used to seeing you? Also, I would try to make her a big part of
your recovery, give her a job to do so she will feel like she is helping.
My daughter helped clean the pins in my leg after the accident so she
wasn't freaked or anything. Good luck!
— Marie R.
February 19, 2003
My kids are grown and visited me and brought my grandkids age 1 &
almost 4 to visit. I look after my 4 year old grandson while his
(single)dad, my son, works and he lives at my house. so I felt it would be
too hard on him not to see me. I did not go into a lot of detail regarding
the surgery, only that I had an owie on my tummy so he had to be gentle
with me, and that the Dr. "fixed" my tummy. I did ask my kids to
keep the visit short, between 5 and 10 minutes as I was tired and not up
for more. My little grandson still remembers bringing me a snoopy happy
birthday ballon as I had surgery on my 42nd birthday. He also remembers
that I did not get to eat cake on my birthday and I think that was the most
traumatic part of the whole thing for him. Use your own judgement and
arrange to keep the visit short if you do choose to have your little one
visit.
— **willow**
February 19, 2003
My kids were 9 and 4 when I had my surgery (open RNY). They knew that my
tummy was giving me trouble (I did have severe GERD) and I was going to get
it fixed. My husband brought them over (in their p.j.'s) every night right
after supper (not the day of surgery, but every day after that.) They took
a walk with me, we talked about their days and my day. Then we said bedtime
prayers together, they "tucked me in" and then went home to bed.
I learned later that the nurses would stand outside the room and listen to
our bedtime prayers! It was a very sweet time. It helped that they thought
they were coming with a job to do (to put me to bed for the night) and that
their visit was really brief, about 15 minutes. They both (almost 4 years
later) remember doing it and mention it from time to time. hugs, Ann
rny 9/10/99 260/124
— [Deactivated Member]
February 20, 2003
My kids were 22 and a pair of 20s and I forbade them from visiting. Of
course I forbade everyone except my DH from visiting. I didn't want to have
to be cheerful for anyone. On the other hand when my now 22 year old was 22
months, I had twins by C-section. He came to visit and was a happy clam
till they left without me. He screamed for an hour and when he came the
next time, he latched on to me and would not let go. Luckily we were going
home.
— Sunny S.
February 20, 2003
Hi Inga, just wanted to let you know that I am a single mom and when I had
my surgery my son was about 18 mos old. I did not let him come to the
hospital because I didn't think he would quite understand why I had tubes
coming out of me and why he couldn't get in bed with me. When I got home,
I was at my parents and they helped alot. It is not easy. My son is a big
snuggler so when it came to that it was hard. I probably did pick him up
to soon and did end up with a hernia, but we both needed it...However, I
think he was mad at me when I first got home because he wouldn't come near
me for 3 days...Now that I had my TT..I still didn't let him come to my
room, but he came with my mother to the hospital to pick me up. He is 2
1/2 now and can understand a little more about momma's "boo-boo"
Good luck to you!
— Marcie B.
February 20, 2003
I had open RNY on 10/15/02 and my kids, ages then were 7 and barily 2 came
to the hospital. My 2 yr old came every day with her daddy. He held her
over the bed for kisses and then she sat on the bed with me and ate a snack
while we snuggled an watched tv. When I came out of the OR I had a binder
on and I showed her that and told her I had a boo boo under the big bandaid
and that we had to be easy so my boo boo didnt get hurt. She came 2x a day
(morning and evening) and each time stayed for 2 hours or so. We colored,
talked, snuggled and did all the usual except we avoided touching my belly.
I think that being such a mommas girl, she would have really freaked out
at not gotten to see momma for 4 days. She met my Dr and everything...We
did not show her my belly for a few weeks and then only a portion of it.
Once home, my hubby took off work for 4 more days then after being 8 days
post-op, he went back to work and it was just me and her throughout the
day. We did everthing VERY slowly. before surgery, I had super cleaned
the house, had her fav lunch stuff sitting in a basket on the kitchen
counter and she helped make her first PB&J sandwich...which she bragged
about for weeks. I had goldfish crackers and a few things like that
prepackaged in zipper bags, bananas and other finger foods that when she
wanted a snack, she would ask and I could tell her to go to the 'goodie
basket' on the table and pick one. I had several sippy cups that I filled
the night before. When she wanted a drink, we went to the fridge and she
got to pick. The whole thing has helped her be more self-sufficient and
independent. Kids are bright and curious and are concerned especially
about mommy. so I figured it was best if we had the kids involved....it
really paid off for her. Now she wants to be a doctor!!! You can do this
as a single mom..just take it slow and prepare as much as you can before
surgery. One more thing that I did that really helped was having her
clothes sorted into outfits and keeping 2 or 3 on the dresser so I wouldnt
have to dig through to find a matching shirt and pants when those
inevitable accidents happen.
— cherokey55
February 20, 2003
My hospital will not allow children on the floor at all. They do this
because even though they may not be bothering you, there are still other
patients on the floor that may be resting or what not. The hospital
recommends visiting with children in the waiting room this also gives you
an excuse to go for a walk.
— Marcy S.
February 20, 2003
HI. I WOULD SAY DEFINATELY NOT IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A ROOMATE. I
DIDNT FEEL LIKE HAVING ANYONE VISIT ME THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS POST OP. I
DIDNT EVEN LIKE MY ROOMATE HAVING VISITORS, BUT NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT
IT. I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE WERE THE LAST
THING I NEEDED WHILE I WAS IN PAIN AND WALKING HUNCHED OVER AND TRYING TO
EXPELL THAT DAMN GAS. HMM, NO I DIDNT NEED ANY COMPANY FOR THAT. BUT I AM
A SINGLE MOM AND MY DAUGHTER WAS 4 AT THE TIME. I TOLD HER WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN AND SHE IS FASCINATED BY THE BODY. I DIDNT LET HER VISIT BUT I
SPOKE TO HER DAILY ON THE PHONE. THAT WAS JUST FINE FOR BOTH OF US. MAKE
SURE NOT TO GO INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL WITH YOUNG KIDS ABOUT THE SURGERY
UNLESS YOU WANT IT REPEATED TO EVERYONE THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH. AT THAT
AGE THEY ARE LIKE A TAPE RECORDER, AND AT JUST THE WRONG MOMENT THEY DECIDE
TO PLAY IT BACK.
— christina K.
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