Question:
I'm having trouble with how people are reacting w/my weight loss.

I know I'm an attractive woman (my husband has always thought so)...really I'm not a vain person...let me explain. Before my weight gain I was always told how beautiful I was, of course those comments from others stopped as I gained weight! Now that I am nearly at goal the attention I recieve from others is overwhelming (from both men and women)! The shunning from some is hurtful (mostly my overweight friends). I know I look good...and want to enjoy my new energy and healthy life, I speak freely about my surgery and all the good it has been for me. I always let others bring it up, because I don't want to offend anyone about my choices. I have to say the world treats you differently if you are thin and attractive...I guess 20 years ago it was the same...I just wasn't mature enough to see it. :(    — [Anonymous] (posted on February 9, 2002)

February 9, 2002
I, too, am having a hard time dealing with the attention. Before the sugery I heard the "you have such a pretty face" thing till I could scream. I must say that I'm a little less than nice when I'm told how "good" I look now. I always ask is that means I looked bad before. I know it's something that I've got to work on within myself. But, you are right, the world treats overweight people completely different. I'm amazed at the differnce in the way I'm treated now by store clerks, waiters...just people in general. Makes me really sad to know that you are judged on your appearance on such a huge scale.
   — [Anonymous]

February 9, 2002
Before WLS, I had been fat my entire life, from about the age of 3 or 4. People were always cordial to me (except the rude kids at school), but I was never given the social rewards of being an attractive person. Since WLS, I have been very careful not to let compliments, etc. "go to my head" as they do in some cases. My husband was afraid I would change personalities after losing the weight, and I have been concentrating on keeping my same down-to-earth "sweetness" regardless of the weight loss. Yes, you're right - the world does treat fat people badly. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. I've certainly learned who my true friends are through all of this.
   — Terissa R.

February 9, 2002
My favorite response has got to be from my hunbands unlce, "You look so much better now." What the hell is that? A compliment? He and I don't get along that great anyway so after the third instance he said it I called him on it and told him it sounds like a compliment but really it isn't. He was very apologetic and embarrassed. This man has all the social graces of a slug and had no idea his comment was inappropriate. I think most people are genuinly happy for us, they are just not sure how to say it, and we are not used to hearing it. Bottom line is, we do look better and we always knew that we were discriminated against because of our size. We need to be the "bigger" person and just be gracious and say "thank-you" to all the compliments (or not so complimentary) we receive. Good luck.
   — Danielle M.

February 9, 2002
Boy can I relate to this one! I have lost 109 pounds in 8 months, and although I realize it is drastic, and I guess I do look pretty good, I am shocked by the difference in how people react to me. Between friends whop really have had a hard time accepting me as smaller than themselves and showing outward jealousy towards me, to store clerks and strangers approaching me and treating me so much better, it has been quite an awakening. It is hard for me to see myself as others do, and sometimes I just want to scream and say "don't you realize I am really an overweight person!" I am wearing a size 4/6 now, and low and behold some have said I shouldn't lose any more weight! I mean, how can you win? These same people were the ones who used to tell me I had such a pretty face, and I know they used to wish I would do something about the rest of me. Recently I told someone that I will be doing what I need to do for myself and thank you very much for the advice, but no thanks! I am learning how to handle all this,but it isn't easy! I get looks from men all the time now, and I go between feeling completely vulnerable to wanting to whip out my before pictures and running up to them to ask them if they would have looked at me 8 months ago. My husband has seen all this too and because he has always viewed me as beautiful no matter what I weighed, he is becoming aware of all these reactions too. One of my friends is helping me to learn how to say, "thank you" when I get compliments, and leaving it at that. Boy, is that hard. I want to start rambling about how I am not done, I have to get rid of the skin, etc. etc. I guess we must learn how to make our new appearance become the norm for us without ever forgetting what we have learned about the world before WLS. Somehow we are better for having been on both sides of the coin, and if we remember that people are human and don't always do and say the right thing, then we can use our experiences to make the world a more tolerant place (Iknow, a bit idealistic, but it sounds good, doesn't it?) Best of luck!
   — Vicki K.

February 11, 2002
Well...you want to see people treat you differently? Try getting a divorce! Former friends felt it too difficult to deal with the upset to THEIR lives of losing a "couple friend". I imagine weight loss is the same. People feel threatened by any changes in their lives and just don't know how to deal with it. They are also offended by how others are...I am sure that we are treated differently when we are overweight because some people find us unpleasant to look at or be with. And you have to know that obesity is the last leagal prejudice. BYW, I am 7 weeks PO and down 40 pounds. I am sure it is only beginning as far as being treated differently. Just be aware that you don't do it to others who are different from you.
   — Caren S.