Question:
How do I get control Back?

I am 2 yrs and 4 months out from RNY. I did great and lost a grand total of 130 lbs....no problems. However, 13 months ago my husband died very unexpectedly. These 13 months have been the most horrible time in my life. I've seen a grief counselor and that has helped. The problem is I've gained 25 lbs since my husband died. I'm out of control. I'm not doing anything correctly....vitamins, water, protein, exercise...nothing! I just went back to my surgeon (1st time since husband died) and am trying to get back on track (if I can even remember what that is). I am going to start going back to my support group, as well as a psychologist that works with gastric bypass patients. I even joined a Weight Watchers at work program so that I could have some limitations and accountability. Has anyone else out there gained a significant amount of weight back and have you been able to get it off again? I really need some encouragement because I'm feeling like a total failure.    — Karen H. (posted on October 6, 2004)

October 6, 2004
First and formost I want to extend my prayers to you. I'm so sorry about your loss. Life can cruel at times. The death of a love one is certain to throw anyone off for awhile, but you now know it's time to take back control! You have answered your own question. You are seeking professional help, attending support groups, & joined Weight watchers. You are back on track! Good for you. You have made the 1st step in getting your life back on track. Thank Goodness you have realized something must be done at your 25 pound weight gain. You could have gained much more. Just getting back to basics and by all means please take required vits/water/protein/exercise. You need all of these to maintain a healthy body & life. I'm sure you have felt like all these things just don't matter anymore, but you must know that your husband would want you to go forth with your successful journey. You have come so far and done an awesome job. I applaud you. I can also see how you could get easily side tracked with your husband's death. I see many that have gained more than 25 pounds loose once more and get under goal, so there is hope. You are far from a failure. Don't put those negative thoughts in your head. Only positive thoughts from now on....OK! Please keep us updated. You Can Do It! I believe and have faith in you. (((HUGS)))
   — Hazel S.

October 6, 2004
Karen, your not a failure. Far from it. You've taken the first step towards getting back on the wagon. You've had a rough year sweetie and like most of us, we turn to our old bad habits to comfort us from all the bad things in life that happen to us. Turning to food is what we know best. I think you have already taken some postive steps to regain control. Seeing a psychologist, going back to your support group and surgeon and joining weight watchers are wonderful steps. I'd suggest that you continue to take small steps, so as not to overwhelm. You need to incorporate exercise back into your life. Start out slowly. But set goals and have a plan. Join a gym if you can. If not, set other goals, such as every day this week I will walk around the block. Next week I will walk around the block twice or walk faster. Also, get the bad food out of the house. I'm a believer in having some junk food daily but if you cannot control your intake of junk food, gotta get rid of it. For example, I can have a small handful of mini-cookies without eating the entire bag. If your an entire bagger, it has to be banned. Fill the house with stuff that quick to grab and that you can eat like fruit, cut up veggies, soy chips, nuts, cheese. Another big tip. EAT OFTEN. Starving yourself is very detrimental and will only cause the body to hoard its calories and fat. Eating every few hours will keep that metabolism stoked and your hunger away. Good luck.
   — Cindy R.

October 6, 2004
I'm sorry for your loss. I think you are doing a tremendous job of trying to get back on track. You are already doing everything that I can think of suggesting for you. I wish you the best. You are not a failure.
   — Yolanda J.

October 6, 2004
My complete condolences. I don't know that I could survive such a loss myself. I commend you for coming back to others like us who understand what happens when we let our guard down for a moment. There are always good suggestions here, of course, but you might also want to add the Grad list to your support network. Many of us have been dealt cruelties beyond fair. Here's the link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG
   — vitalady

October 6, 2004
Dear Karen, My prayers are with you..I am deeply sorry for your loss. I have gained about 20 pounds back also...don't be discouraged. It comes off so much easier than it did before. I have gone back to the basics just like right after surgery. Also I am leary of diet groups, which got us into trouble in the first place. Go back to the original way of eating your surgeon had you on. Don't obsess...your human. My surgeon does not encourage snacking. He encourages 3 meals a day with smacks being V8 juice or 2 glasses of milk, that way you are not grazing which keeps our minds on food. You are doing all the right things...you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to email me personally if you have more questions. Take Care.
   — Karen Renee

October 6, 2004
I'm also sorry for your loss. As the others have stated. Think about how we first started eating. First, write everything down (were you eat, when you eat and what you eat. When you exercise, how long, etc.) Sometimes we think we are doing the right stuff but until we see it in writing you may be surprised. Now dig out the small plates, baby fork and spoon. We should only be eating 1/2 cup of food (total) per sitting. Are you doing that? Stay away from carbs! You will complex carbs with veggies. Stay away from rice, potatos,etc. PROTEIN, PROTEIN, PROTEIN! Take no longer than 20 mins to eat. Any longer and you are grazing (eating more then we should). Eat at a table, not watching TV, or standing. No drinking 1/2 before meals, during meals, and at least 1/2 to 40 mins after. Take a look at your frig. What little goodies have come back (cookies, etc.) Start with just liquids for a few days (protein drinks, etc.) move to soft foods, etc. Do join a support group or help run a support group (hold you accountable). It not easy. I struggle with emotional eating also. I'm 18 monts post-op have lost 191 lbs. I wish you the best of luck!
   — Linda R.

October 6, 2004
My deepest condolences on your loss. One of the hardest things we all deal with is our control issue especially during times of great stress. My best suggestion is to build great structure in your life while you are coping with your grief and trying to get your control back. Set up a structured education program. Set up structured times when you do vitamins, protein, etc. Set up group activities for distractions. I promise while the structure may be cumbersome, it'll help you with the control.
   — Cathy S.

October 6, 2004
Through my community we have various widow/widower support groups. Perhaps this could help you gain support from others in the same situation in addition to the other things you are doing.
   — Yolanda J.