Question:
parental dissapproval and eating habits

i'm 18 and have been considering wls for about a year and a half. just recently i mentioned it to my parents and they vehemently denied my request in seeing if i could get it done. i wondered if you are still under your parent's insurance if you can try to get surgery done and stuff without the parent's consent? also about my eating habits. my parents say that with my eating habits i wouldn't qualify for surgery. i usually eat three meals a day sometimes i only eat one or 2 and i am a very picky eater. most people tell me that i should eat More. i eat small amounts but i still gain weight. a lot of the time i'm not even hungry. would a doctor consider letting me get surgery done because of this? thanks kordula    — Kordula R. (posted on August 9, 2003)

August 9, 2003
I can't answer your question about whether or not your parents could prevent their insurance from paying for your surgery. I guess if you went forward with it, they could choose to have you dropped from the policy. You're 18 and legally able to make decisions for yourself but if you don't have a policy under your own name you do remain under their control as far as insurance goes. Sorry, I know that's not an answer but I'm not sure what the solution to that would be. Regarding your eating habits, I would say almost to a person every MO person has bad eating habits. Yes, in order for this tool to work correctly, you have to change your eating habits post-op, otherwise you risk regaining the weight. The optimum time to do that is during the "honeymoon" period when the weight loss is easiest. I don't think any surgeon would decide you weren't a candidate for surgery based solely on your eating habits. If that were the case, very few of us would be having surgery. If you aren't a candidate otherwise because of your BMI or other factors, that's different. Sounds like your parents are trying to convince you and themselves that this isn't a good choice for you. As a parent of a teenager, I can understand your parents' concern. As a MO person, I also understand your pain. If at all possible, find a support group in your area and see if one or both of your parents will attend the meeting with you. Also, see if they would at least agree to meet with a surgeon with you. After the meetings with the support group and surgeon, you may decide this isn't right for you right now, or, alternatively, your parents might be willing to discuss it. Good luck.
   — antiques55

August 9, 2003
Hi there. When I was in my early 20's I was pretty obese. Same eating patterns as you have. If I had known that this kind of surgery existed I would have had it done a long time ago. Now I'm 33 years old, almost 1 month post-op and very happy to have had it done. My only regret is that a lot of "prime" years were wasted. To answer your question, my father initially was totally against this surgery also. Although I have my own insurance, a part of me really needed his "approval". So what I did was to have him go with me to one of the seminars and that was the best decision I made. My surgeon spoke at the seminar and my father could see for himself that he is very experienced and what really made an impression on my dad was seeing before/after photos and also seeing post-ops speak at the seminar. And of course when he heard about the co-morbidities it really scared him. Towards the end of the seminar he leaned over to me and said, "I want you to live a long and happy life... please get this done". I highly recommend taking them to a seminar - maybe that will help things move along. If they won't go to a seminar, my next suggestion would be to have them watch a special done by the Discovery health chanel on obesity. It talks about obesity in young people and the various solutions. What's key in this program is that if obesity isn't controlled in adolesence, it is virtually impossible to control as an adult without intervention. It's an excellent program. If you don't get that chanel, maybe you could order a vhs/dvd from discovery.com. You may also want to call the insurance company and pose the question and see whether or not it is something that insurance will even cover. Make sure you mention that it's weight loss surgery for morbid obesity. "Morbid" being the key word. Good luck to you.
   — Maria G.

August 9, 2003
As long as you're over the age of consent, 18, it doesn't matter who pays for the insurance, you don't need anyone else's consent. Good luck to you. I wish I had done it years ago!
   — Sungurl B.

August 9, 2003
I truly feel this surgery should be a last resort. You may be undereating which can cause weight gain. Have you tried any type of exericise and behavior modification to help you lose weight? Weight Watchers is a good program. If you have truly tried and failed, then I can see the need for the surgery. Because you are 18 you should have the right to sign for your own medical procedures. You could always call a local surgeon and ask. However, realize that without your parents backing and the fact that you are still under their insurance, they could stop you by withdrawing your insurance coverage. In the meantime, do some more research on your rights and on this surgery. Do as much reading as you can, go to support group meetings, attend seminars that are offered. Be informed. Show your parents that you truly want this surgery and you have done your homework on it. Ask them to go to support group with you etc. It may turn them around to agreeing with you. Wishing you the best of luck.
   — [Deactivated Member]

August 9, 2003
18 is the age of legal consent. Mom and dad don't have anything to say about it from an insurance standpoint. However, unless you go onto college, if you are still in high school, you won't be covered by their insurance much longer. This said, obvisouly your parents are concerned and love you. If this is truly for you then convince them why this is right for you. It will prove that you have done your homework and you understand what you are getting into. Having family support going into WLS is so important. <p>However, I would be talking to your PCP and seeing a dietician to figure out what is going on. It sounds like you are in starvation mode and your body is trying to protect it's fat stores. After WLS you do need to commit to eating the meals you should and taking your supplements if any are required. You appear to not be a candidate because your issue is not volume, but who knows until someone figures out what is going on. Maybe you have some other medical condition that is causing this. You need to understand the big picture before doing something this drastic. You also need to get some counseling to be sure you understand the requirements of a post-op and to be sure there aren't all kinds of other issues causing the weight gain that can be resolved without surgery. Surgery is a wonderful life saver but it should not be entered into lightly. You are very young and making a drastic decision that you MUST live with the rest of your life, which will be very long. <p>You do not have any info in your profile. What is your height and weight? How long have you suffered with morbid obesity? These should all factor into your decision. Good Luck! Chris
   — zoedogcbr

August 10, 2003
Maybe you should bring your parents to a support group meeting? Check into local ones. They'll see it is a good choice for you. You said you don't eat a lot but the surgery isn't just about eating less. It is also about exercise, protein, water, boosting your self-esteem, etc. Yes it makes you feel full faster, but it also gives you the energy to exercise. :) Whatever you decide, best of luck!
   — mrsmyranow

August 10, 2003
I would guess that your parents are just very concerned about you having such major surgery at such a young age. Your eating habits should also be looked at - if you cannot eat a sensible diet now, you will have a very difficult time doing it after surgery too. Have you tried any diets under a doctor's supervision? Weight loss surgery should not be taken lightly and certainly should not be a first resort. As a legal adult you have the right to make your own decisions, but please do so after you have exhausted all other options. And try to get your parents involved as much as possible. Educate them. Show them this site. Take them to a seminar. Believe me, you will need their support! Good luck!
   — MomBear2Cubs

August 10, 2003
something else to consider ... insurance companies are getting a bit stricter on who they approve for the surgery ... seeing that you are still quite young, you may not have exhausted many (or any) means of losing weight with either the supervision of a physician or nutritionist ... so that might be a consideration for you too. Good luck!!
   — Karyn B