Question:
Do's and Don'ts list for friends and coworkers; any suggestions?

Hi everyone! School is starting back up in a month and it will be a huge change for everyone. This week we have been packing up all our stuff since we are moving to another building. My concern is in August, all the teachers from my current building know about my surgery and have been supportive, but don't know what to say. There will also be just as many new teachers in that building that I don't know. I don't want to be percieved as a freak show and not have anyone know how to react around me. It already has happened when one person was going to go to Wendy's to make a lunch run and asked everyone else but me if they wanted anything. I would have loved some chilli, but I wasn't asked. I think that they don't know what to do around me in certain situations. I want to put together a do and don't list to give to everyone the first week of school. What suggestions do you have for me?    — Heather M. (posted on July 24, 2003)

July 23, 2003

   — Heather M.

July 24, 2003
hello, i understand where you are coming from, but i really really don't think a do's and don't list is the thing to do. if most of the teachers know already and you weren't the one that told them...you know that gossip flies. use that time to talk about how you feel. yes this is a big change in your life, but that doesn't mean it changes anyone else's you work with. if it were me i would have spoken up at the begining when they asked about wendy's and said you would like a chilli. this journey is all about "YOU". if you make the people around you a "rules" list, that is like saying if they don't follow the rules that you will fail in loosing weight or that they have to tiptoe around you. it will end up making others feel awkward around you at every school party and funtion. people will not want to offend you or hurt your feelings because they are eating cake or something. take credit for your own actions. trust me alot of people will ask you questions all the time. that is the time to tell them about what your "personal" do's and don'ts are for yourself. another idea is to run some copies of info on wls. then only when they ask you questions do you give it to them instead of passing the out to everyone. good luck and alots of love... ps teachers are the best!
   — franbvan

July 24, 2003
I can't help but think that putting together a list for co-workers would only serve to make you "different". When your coworkers are heading out to buy lunch, just ask them to pick something up for you. When people ask how you're feeling in that sheepish sort of way, tell them you feel great (and tell the people who know you well how relieved you are to be on the road to long-term health). After surgery, we are different . . . we can't eat the same foods as everyone else, and, for some who have never struggled with weight, there can be a sense that we are right on the edge of gourging ourselves on dozens of donuts if we're set off. What I have tried to do has been to just model normal behavior-- let people see that I am sort-of normal, that I still eat food and that I enjoy people's company at meal times. Whenever it gets difficult, I remind myself of how much tougher it was when friends, neighbors and co-workers always had to find me a special chair into which I would fit. Then, having to sometimes explain my eating limitations doesn't seem so bad.
   — SteveColarossi

July 24, 2003
When I was approved for the surgery, I told everyone on my team that I was having it. When I came back from surgery I was moved to a different team and it was at that time I decided I was not going to talk about my surgery. I just tell people that I'm on a high protein diet and that I exercise a lot (which is the truth) if they do ask. I too, was worried about everyone looking at what I was eating, but they don't. If they have noticed they have never commented on it. I have shared my surgery with a few other people since I've been back, but I don't really talk about it. It was a personal choice for me and not a choice that everyone understands and I didn't want to have to justify myself for having this surgery. You will know what is the best way to handle other people and their questions about surgery. Best of luck, Heather 3/12/03 280/193/140
   — Heather S.

July 24, 2003
In my opinion,I think people would take offense at a "do and don't" list.
   — jennifer A.

July 24, 2003
Hi Heather- What about dealing with each situation as it comes up? A staff party- "No, I don't eat cake anymore, but I'd love some cheese and crackers". Restaurants- "Are you going to Wendy's? Would you mind picking me up a small chili?" etc. Sometimes I think people don't know how to ask because they don't understand. Good Luck! Mea
   — Mea A.

July 25, 2003
There is only one 'do' and one 'don't.... Do treat me like everyone else. Don't hesitate to offer assistance should I get sick. These are the 2 things that I would do for ANYONE regardless of who they are or their circumstance. I find that when others become concerned about what I can/can't eat/do, they start 'babysitting' me. That is not healthy for anyone. I have my own decisions to make and live with. If I saw anyone who did not look/act well, I would offer assistance...regardless of their situation. Could you just imagine fainting and having others ignore you? Oh my! Setting guidelines for others seems a bit demanding. As a general rule, all ingredients should be known on any food someone makes available. Nowadays people have so many allergies and reactions to different ingredients, it's better to make the items known so that anyone can avoid/indulge at their will. I had a friend's brother have a pleasure outing ruined because of something I made...it had an ingredient with MSG in it. I can't tell you how awful I felt and have learned my lesson well. Best wishes!!
   — Diane S.