Question:
Did anyone else grieve their old lifestyle before surgery?
What the h*ll is wrong with me? I have a surgery date for March 22, 2002. I am excited and a bit nervous, but there is something more. Everytime I eat anything now, I find myself thinking "this could be the last time I ever get to eat this," and feeling sorry for myself. I also find myself going through my closet regretting all the clothes I am going to have to get rid of--I like my wardrobe. Once the weight comes off, I will be donating my clothes to the Women's Crisis Center--and I am happy to do that, but I spent a long time assembling these things and now almost hate to give them up...Did anyone else ever experience this, and what did you do to get through it? Thanks, Cheryl ps. I know there is a clothing exchange program through this site, but I feel that helping women who have been in domestic violence situations get back on their feet is as noble a cause! :-) — Cheryl A. (posted on February 22, 2002)
February 22, 2002
No. The bad news is: I can no longer volume eat. The good news is: I can
no longer volume eat. Twice/year perhaps, I miss being able to eat
non-stop all day (Xmas & 4th of July), but aside from those momentary
thoughts, NO WAY. I PREFER being able to wear cute little shorts to the 4th
picnics & fun party dresses to holiday events MUCH better, more
satisfying, longer lasting that any food thing ever. I get more chances to
play, too, because I rarely get sick, don't "catch" bugs, don't
have all those co-morbs. I have occasional "thoughts", but
nothing that lasts more than about 3 minutes.
— vitalady
February 22, 2002
I went through the exact emotions you described. What I know now (1 yr.
post-op) that I wish I had known then is that there was really no reason to
grieve. I can still eat all my favorite foods and probably enjoy them more
now than before, since I know I will only be able to enjoy a few bites
before I'm stuffed. (The first bites are the BEST bites anyway!) Yes, I
have outgrown (or undergrown) my wardrobe and had to sell or donate many,
many articles of clothing. But now I have new clothes that I feel more
comfortable in and more attractive in than ever. Don't worry ... there
will be tradeoffs, but the end result will be beyond your wildest dreams.
— Terissa R.
February 22, 2002
I have to say that I totally agree with the previous two posts. I do too
grieve my old life style once in a while but then I stop and think of all I
have 'gained' in other ways. I can do so much more because there is so
much less of me now (and I am only three months post op). I do miss some
foods, my favorite is Choc. chip cookies but I know that they are not
nearly as good as the life I have now and the life I will lead six months
from now. The cookie is a moment, my life is forever. I have too donated
my clothes to the poor and feel very good about it. Don't worry that you
are not donating them here, donate them where you want them to go. You are
going to be fine and remember what you are feeling is totally natural!
Best of luck to you!
— purdue_1993
February 22, 2002
I have 4 days till I am on the other side, and the emotions I find myself
going through right now is fear, but not of the surgery. Its been at least
18 - 20 years since I have been at a "normal" weight and I don't
remember what its like not to be fat. My fear is how is being thin going
to change my life. Other than the obvious.
So when I get scared like this, I just pray about it, cause I know God has
led me here and its what I am suppossed to be doing.
So I would say accept your emotions cause they are real. In a few months
you may think what you felt now was silly, but now its not, its what you
are actually feeling.
Best of Luck with your surgery
— Diane Rhoads
February 22, 2002
I sometimes have these passing thoughts, but I get over them pretty fast.
I'm 5 months post op and I'm down 115 lbs (from 310 to 195)... from size 32
jeans and shirts to size 16 jeans and 10/12 shirts... nothing gets you over
the food monsters like skinny-legged jeans! And a new, very attractive,
boyfriend doesn't hurt! We love to go to nice restaurants now, because we
order ONE meal and split it for less than we would've spent at Applebee's
or the like, where we would've gotten two entrees and struggled with
leftovers.<p>Take lots of pictures of yourself in the clothes you
like. In six months or less, you will be shocked at what you used to love
and it will be good to have a visual reminder.<p>My support group
does a clothing exchange, and after things have been around for a few
meetings, we take the clothes to a homeless shelter. I feel fine about
that. I don't miss my old clothes, except for a very few old favorites that
were old friends, like my bathrobe. I let myself hang on to those items
longer, until I'm ready to let them go. I gave my favorite, beautiful
hand-knit Nepalese wool sweater to my boyfriend; it's gigantic on me and it
looks fantastic on him. So I get the pleasure of it without actually
wearing it myself.<p>I did a lot of that "this is the last
time I can eat this food" thinking and with very few exceptions,
it's already not true. But I eat to live now, not live to eat, and it
honestly doesn't matter that much to me now. HTH, hang in there, and good
luck with your surgery!
— Julia M.
February 22, 2002
I sometimes miss my old food choices but mostly because it was just so much
easier to grab whatever was convenient regardless of how unhealthy it was.
Healthy meals often take some preparation and there are days when I just
wish I didn't have to make an effort. But no one said this was always easy.
Also, at nearly 3 months postop, I'm still learning new ways of dealing
with emotions that don't involve food...that is the hardest thing, for me
at least. Good luck!
— Donna L.
February 22, 2002
Cheryl, yes I know exactly how you feel. As soon as I was given my surgery
date, I went crazy with the eating. Probably gained 10 extra pounds
getting in the last of the comfort foods I knew I'd never again be able to
have. The one thing I ate alot of I CAN have post-op and that is pizza.
Only now, I only enjoy one slice instead of the entire pizza! It's a head
game. The trade-off is so worth it. I am down 60 lbs. in 3 months and
feel so much better already, with 100 more to go. Good luck and enjoy
those last meals, but with caution. Cause I keep remembering back,
thinking "I could be this much closer to goal if I hadn't pigged out
so much pre-op, right before the surgery." My LAST meal was General
Tso's Chicken. It wasn't all that great. I just thought in my mind that I
had to have it. Best wishes to you.
— blank first name B.
February 22, 2002
I had the exact same thoughts that you describe. But have found, like the
other posters say, that I can eat almost anything that I want. I get the
taste that I want, and I get full very quickly and no longer want any.
Just yesterday I was cleaning out my closet (which I do about every 2 weeks
and its getting really empty) and was boxing up some favorites that I have
been holding on to. I was folding them with care like they were my child
or something, then hesitating before throwing them in the box. Then I woke
up and thought, I'm going to get new, cuter clothes that look great on me.
And in the box they went. You will find that it 'hurts' for only a second
before reality hits. I still have a nice coat that I just can't part with,
but I'm sure that it won't be long. There are head games pre-op and
post-op. It is really an interesting journey, but an exciting one!! And
donating your clothes to the Women's Crisis Center is a superb choice.
Enjoy your journey!!
— Cheri M.
February 23, 2002
I am 2 1/2 years post-op and I can honestly say that I enjoy food more now
than I did before my surgery. I can eat anything and I keep it at an
average of 1800 calories per day and maintain my weight at 144 lbs. The
first 8 months were rough and a great ajustment, but it does get better and
better. I too loved my old wardrobe (I have always been a clothes horse)
and I am having the time of my life buying new beautiful clothes. I can now
say I don't miss any of my of old outfits (I did, but now I don't). Just be
patient, your see. Best of Luck.
— Cheryl H.
February 23, 2002
Thank you for bringing this up--I am feeling the same things you are! I
don't have a surgery date yet but i am grieving something I have not even
lost yet! I keep thinking about the clothes that I have carefully
purchased and cared for--I have done this because I am extremely picky
about clothes and how they look on me and being the size that I am, clothes
are not cheap! I feel weird about foo, too. My surgeon requires a pre-op
diet (boring, boring, boring) and all I have been thinking about the past
2-3 weeks is chocolate! I think it's the fear of change, even when they
change is good. I'm used to being the fattest one in the crowd--and that
is going to change and I will blend in like everyone else! That is going
to be hard to deal with for me! I won't be remembered at the fat-girl
anymore! WLS is drastic but it's only one piece of the puzzle! I've
ratteled on too much but I just wanted to let you know that you are not
alone!
— jenn2002
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