Question:
Excluding surgery what has been the hardest part about having the surgery?
Were you suprised that you had difficulty with this particular situation? — Linda M. (posted on March 5, 2001)
March 5, 2001
I'm 8 weeks post-op RNY open today and minus 34 lbs. The very hardest thing
for me right now is having to eat every 3 hours. I never-ever thought I'd
ever say something like that. HA! With the morphine, surgery didn't hurt
at all. The only thing that was a discomfort was I couldn't bend very well
trying to get out of bed. I never took pain killer after they took the
morphine pump away. Getting in all the water is still hard for me, but it
will get better. Oh, and the hardest thing is patience with the weight
loss...I have got to understand that I won't lose 25 lbs. per week, maybe
it will be only 1 to 4 lbs. a week. I wanted DUMPING too! I did dump for
16 days after I got home -- don't know if it was the milk or what, but I
just cut out the milk products except for yogurt. Everyone is different,
but this surgery has been very easy for me.
— Betty Todd
March 5, 2001
I believe that the psychological aspects are the most difficult to deal
with. You are constantly reminded of how fat you were by well meaning
people that are giving you compliments. Weird huh? That, combined with
the fear that you may be that fat again is hard to deal with. I have
contemplated therapy for it, but I am dealing with it okay now. This is
worse than any pain I dealt with after the surgery!
— Jeannet
March 5, 2001
I am only 1 week postop as of today but I would have to say the hardest
part has been the head hunger. I havnt truly been hungery since I had
surgery but this liquid diet has been a little hard. I smell food and want
to eat it. I have 2.5 more weeks of this and I plan on sticking to it. I
hope this gets better once I move on to soft foods. Good luck.
Tanya
— Tanya P.
March 5, 2001
Emotional changes! Take away my drug of choice, food, and
you take away my hiding from feelings. The hardest part is
feeling all the feelings I have hidden for years AND maintaining
relationships that were built on lies. I have lost friends
(and gained some quality ones in return:) and nearly lost a
husband while learning how to communicate better. I have
been seeing a counselor and things are working out, but
the emotional aspect is by far the hardest for me. On the
plus side- my marriage is stronger now than it ever was and
my relationships are much more rewarding. It is hard work,
but well worth it!
— M B.
March 5, 2001
Not being able to understand the (what I perceive to be jealous) reactions
of others has been difficult for me. My brother has yet to acknowledge the
fact that I even had surgery. He saw me over the weekend (only the 2nd
time since surgery) and said not one word about how much weight I have lost
- all 143 pounds of it! My sister did send me flowers in the hospital, but
that's about it. A friend constantly tells me to slow down with my weight
loss. Someone I thought to be my closest girlfriend hasn't seen me in
nearly three months, much less spoken to me. She called me today, after
totally snubbing me for weeks, only to hang up hastily when she found out
we were nearing in jeans sizes (I'm in a 16, she's in a 13). My coworkers
blast me for coming into the office in a good mood and make snide comments
about me working out during my lunch hour. They have told me to quit
showing them up, and have actually made sniffing noises toward me after I
change, like I smell or something. They discourage me from plastic
surgery. They even try to tempt me with food. Like MB, I have lost some
friends and reevaluated some relationships, but gained some worthy of my
friendship. For the life of me, I cannot understand why someone could not
be happy for me and what I have accomplished after what I have been through
these past two years. You will truly find out who your friends (and
family, I suppose) are. My therapist told me to expect it, but I never
really believed her. Not me! Not MY friends. Believe it. Best wishes to
you.
— [Deactivated Member]
March 5, 2001
Linda - I read your question this a.m. and after thinking about it for a
while, I decided to come back and answer. You see, I am pre-op...The
hardest part about the surgery would be not having it. I feel the
difficulties of bending over to put on socks, or trying to adequately take
care of personal needs, being to embarrassed to go out, breathing hard
walking up a flight of stairs, needing help fastening a seat belt, if it
indeed even fits....I feel these difficulties far outway the surgery. I am
NOT trying to take away from what everyone post-op has gone through!! I
respect them all sooo much for their courage and strength. I just believe,
life has sooo much more to offer. Karan
— chance2lv
March 5, 2001
Linda-about 3 weeks post-op, I developed an abscess, and then developed
another one a week later. They were very painful to have opened and
drained; much more painful than the surgery itself. I guess it was so
difficult because I thought that once I was out of the hospital and home, I
was "home-free" from complications. Not so! It was hard to keep
my perspective and not beat myself up for "doing this to myself".
Hindsight is always 20/20, but I got through it and now have no regrets. I
am beginning to see future problems with "friends", as my weight
loss is very noticeable now (5'2", -53 lbs). I can see some of the
things starting to happen that others have mentioned. I am also having some
difficulty with the sudden attention of men--even my daughters have
noticed! However, I am blessed with a wonderful husband who doesn't feel
threatened by all the attention--in fact, I think he kind of enjoys it!
Take care, and be gentle with yourself!
— Susan S.
March 6, 2001
2 things come to mind - 1. As much fun as it sounds to go shopping for
"skinny" clothes...the reality of having to fund a whole new
wardrobe is very overwhelming....everything right down to your underware
has 2 go...several times over. VERY VERY EXPENSIVE..even when being
thrifty. 2 - I never expected to miss "food" so much....I
mean being able to sit down with the family and gorge on Chinese or Pizza
or whatever....not that the end result isn't worth it, but somedays I
really miss being able to eat what I want, and as much as I want of it.
— tlg6056
March 6, 2001
I'm finding that I am having problems dealing with the way I look. Because
of sagging skin in the jaw, breasts, arms, stomach and thighs, I look much
older to myself. This is especially dismaying since I FEEL much younger
than I have in years. Also, even though I've lost 80 pounds, I'm still
wearing the same size that I was when I had the surgery which is partly an
economic decision and partly an emotional one. I hate the thought of
dealing with dressing room mirrors right now.
— Nanette T.
March 6, 2001
Everything has been basically easy as far as the surgery and post op care.
However, I find that my patients is no good. I want to be down to 200 or
less like last week. Even though I am down 100 lbs now and have a few
hundred more to go, I want to lose the weight faster.
— Jan M.
March 6, 2001
I think, too, that the hardest thing is how to react to people who say rude
things about the weight loss. My preacher (of all people) said this to me
the other day "You are looking real good. (pause) Do you remember how
you used to waddle through here?" WHAT?! HOW RUDE WAS THAT? I did
waddle, that's because it hurt so much to walk, I even used a cane
sometimes to help with my fibromyalgia pain. What is wrong with some
people? And, even though I've gone from size 28 jeans to size 14, some
people have yet to say a word. Perhaps I should count my blessings that
they haven't!?! We can do without rude comments, that's for sure.
Jealousy? Yes, I believe that plays into much of it. Stupidity? That has
to be some of it too. How about when people say "You look
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better!" I wonder, just how bad did they think I
looked before? Or, "You've lost a TON of weight!" No, I didn't
weigh a ton, just 275, thank you! People should be kind, and polite,
without asking noisy questions like "HOW MUCH WEIGHT have you
lost?!" They don't need to know that! People need to learn how to
give (and recieve) compliments. If someone says, "Cindy, you look
great." I say "Thank you very much" That should be enough
for most people. If I want to volunteer more information, that should be
my own choice, not theirs. To ignore our accomplishments is also rude.
ok, I'm done ranting!
— Cindy H.
March 6, 2001
The hardest part for me has been to try to be "normal". I too,
get the comments that you have lost SO-O-O-O-O much weight that you wonder
just how big folks thought you really were. People you don't realize ever
noticed you before are now commenting on your weight loss. And yesterday I
was whistled at. Me, I thought? I looked around and I was the only one on
the street. I didn't know how to react. Another thing that has been hard
for me is to accept a compliment. I've always avoided personal attention
and it is a whole new experience to receive so much of it. It has also been
difficult to eat out. Six months ago I thought nothing of spending $15 on
lunch. Today it bothers me to spend $6.95 because I know I'll only taste it
and not eat the whole thing. That whole "clean your plate"
philosophy is probably why I was is this predicament to start with! Also,
sometimes it is difficult to find something to eat at a restaurants. I
usually manage to find something, but sometimes you have to use your
imagination and embarrass your children by asking if you can have the
hamburger patty with mustard and no bun!
— marciejayne
March 6, 2001
I have several things I'm finding hard. I had my first surgery (VBG) 3 1/2
yrs ago and had it revised to an RNY in 5/00. I am wearing a size 10 jeans
now but feel I will never escape my past as a fat person. I look in the
mirror and look huge to myself (sometimes I am actually surprised to catch
a reflection of myself in a window or something because then I look small
but in the mirror I always look huge). Also, the apron and the hanging
skin dont help much either. Also, even though I am a size 10 people who
knew me before (and who are skinny themselves) use me as a basis of
comparison when describing a large person. Case in point, I was at Mardi
Gras with my husband and sister in law and they were discussing this woman
they knew and my sister-in-law says she's really big (holding her hands way
out to the sides to indicate HOW big) and then says "Way bigger than
you" to me. I went ballistic and ended up in tears. I told her that
I had worked hard for my loss and that I was a normal size and was tired of
being used as a comparison for big people. I about had her in tears too.
Even now, a week later I am still bothered by the comments. Another thing
that is hard is the fact that I hardly dump and I am/was a sugar fiend. I
had prayed I would dump bigtime but unfortunately I don't (except on milk
or ice cream). Some things that others have mentioned, like attention from
men, I happen to enjoy a lot. My DH isn't too happy about it though
(especially when guys flirt and wave right in front of him LOL!). I have
found this to be a big boost to my self-esteem as this is a first for me.
I don't like being told that I need to stop losing weight and that I'm
"too skinny". Let them see me with my clothes off and they'd
shut up fast. I will decide when I've lost enough (I'd like to get to 150
and currently am around 160 at 5'8"), nobody else will determine it
for me. I find I'm more vocal and more likely to speak my mind now (don't
know if that is a good thing or not LOL!). Well, I guess this is long
enough although I could go on. I've enjoyed reading the other responses to
this question. Thanks for asking it.
— Kellye C.
March 6, 2001
Linda, I too had to sit down and really think about the answer to this
question. Although I have had many complications, I think that like those
few people who wrote before me, the most difficult part is dealing with
people. I have a very hard time hearing people say terrible things about
large people and just being totally oblivious to the plights of those of us
who are larger. I get so upset when I think that I used to be one of the
people that they are talking about and usually people don't even know that
I have been there and am very sensitive to their words. I seem to feel
that I have to protect and defend every large person. I kind of feel that
it's my obligation now that I have been given this second chance. I seem
to be constantly telling people how rude they are to be saying things or
how insensitive they are being to someone. Don't people realize this? I
guess not because, as I look back on it, I didn't even realize sometimes
that I was being discriminated against. I tended to ignore my size much of
the time and just not hear the insults (subtle but insults nonetheless).
This surgery has definately made understand myself more. I thought that I
would gloat and gloat when I finally got into a size 3 but no. Instead I
still see myself as a large person and I think that I always will no matter
what. It's the essence of who I am and it's what made me who I am today.
I don't think that I will ever regret my larger days because it has given
me a sensitivity to all persons who are disadvantaged and made me a much
better person in the end.
— Barbara H.
March 6, 2001
The hardest thing to cope w/post surgery has definitely been my emotions.
I was so used to walling myself off from men that I reached age 40 still a
virgin. Well, now I find myself constantly craving the attention of men (
& getting it most of the time as I am quite attractive now-hope that
doesn't sound too conceited). In the past 4 mos I had my 1st sexual
relationship & am now involved w/another man. I feel like I am trying
to make up for lost time & am very impatient for fun & socializing.
It's like I'm finally going through adolecence. I'm constantly getting
compliments & find myself basking in them. I worry about myself
enjoying them too much....p.s. I am too embarrassed to post these comments
non-anonymously. leb
— [Anonymous]
Click Here to Return