Question:
Feeling like a failure
I am feeling very badly of myself and cant seem to stop, i have been eating all the wrong things and dont care it seems. I have gone from 309 to 0nly 212 in over a year (Since 4/8/03) that is awful, its not even 100 pounds like i was hoping or assuming it would be. I need to loose more but have no ambition to do so. I hate myself for this. I rarely exercise and have no energy. I want to be that healthy happy person but it is so hard i feel like giving up, any suggestions would be appreciated. I have no support or anyone else who has had this surgery to talk to.....Thanks — roxxyblue72 (posted on June 22, 2004)
June 22, 2004
Roxanne - Please don't hate yourself! My heart goes out to you. You are
NOT a failure. Let's focus on the positives: You have taken control of
your life! You have lost 97 pounds! Even if you never loose another pound
(which I seriously doubt) you have achieved success. I know that when I had
my surgery, I just wanted to wake up post-op and have all the excess weight
magically gone. I feel that going through the losing phase is by far the
most stressful part of the weight loss journey.
Here's what I think might make you feel better. Put away the scale (I had
my hubbie hide mine). Judge your success on how you feel and how your
clothes fit. I was a scale addict and it just added to my stress. Numbers
don't define success. Also, put yourself in a fail-proof environment.
Keep only healthy foods around and that's all you will eat.
I am not an expert by any means, but I think that your lack of energy may
be the root of alot of problems. If you have no energy, you can't feel
good about yourself which will hinder your weight loss progress.
Personally, I take B12 for energy and that has made a huge difference.
Maybe you could have some bloodwork done to see why you have no energy. I
have a feeling that if you can get your energy level up, your outlook will
improve b/c maybe then you will want to be active & do things like
exercise.
I have been through a lot in terms of depression and mentally beating
myself up. Before I even had the surgery I had to learn to like myself
(fat and all). I thought if I couldn't like myself at that point, I
wouldn't be able to like myself later, and I would never have been
motivated enough to loose any weight.
So, now that I've rambled on, I'll sum up. You loved yourself enough to go
through life-altering surgery. Please love yourself enough to find out why
you don't have energy. If you can have energy, you can succeed. If you
don't have the energy to do anything, how can your body have the energy to
burn the fat?
ABOVE ALL: Don't give up!((((Hugs))))Kelly...email me at
[email protected] will be there for you and support you and talk
with you, if you want me to.
— klinzey
June 22, 2004
Roxanne, I would suggest you see your doctor. You may be depressed and
that can hamper your weight loss attempts. You may need an antidepressant
or counseling. I have been seeing a psychologist since before my surgery
on 10/8/03 and I feel this is really helping me with my food issues. Not
that I am perfect yet but I am at least starting to understand why I turn
to food and learning to control the impulses. Good luck!
— cat5dog1
June 23, 2004
— kultgirl
June 23, 2004
Don't beat yourself up, 97 pounds that is great. I have not had surgery
yet, hoping to in August, but anyway I also had an energy problem I started
taking B12 and that has helped alot. I also have to lose weight before
surgery and the B12 has given me the energy I need to walk 2 miles at
night. You might also have the doctor check your iron level. You are doing
great don't give up.
— sonyalw
June 23, 2004
It is funny.... I was reading back through my WLS journal online here that
I have been keeping for the past year and you sound so much like me that it
is absolutely AMAZING! I had surgery almost a year ago.... in August it
will be a year... and I have only lost 92 lbs. I started out at 283 so I
guess you know I am feeling/thinking I have failed also.... But we have NOT
failed!!! When was the last time we lost 90-some pounds? and did not gain
it all back plus some? 212 is not really that far from being a normal
weight... when you consider that you have come from 309! Congratulate
yourself on your progress. Are you taking all your vitamins/supplements?
Maybe that is why your energy is low! I always HATED exercise and I still
do frankly but I look at it as "something I have to do" and I go
ahead and do it ever faithfully! You can do it too! I often wish I had
someone to exercise/be with myself but I am also alone in my "quest
for a healthier life"... but we can't give up just because we are
"alone". Aren't we doing this for ourselves anyway? Wasn't this
weight loss surgery decision a very PERSONAL choice? You are going to be
fine! Write to me anytime... I would LOVE to chat with you about the WLS.
God Bless you and KEEP GOING on your journey!
— pennix122
June 23, 2004
Firstly, your not alone heck i am 2 1/2 yrs post i lost 170lbs but started
a regain about 8 months ago and i wasn't eating differently and i was
excersising more go figure, I got very depressed and also felt like a
failure and i have 80lbs to go. Don't get in the mind trap of thinking your
a failure your not! You have lost 97lbs and i am sure you feel healthier
and are doing things that you couldn't pre surgery. As others have said all
our bodies are different and we are going to lose at different paces, i am
sure your not done losing. I would highly recommend seeking out the help of
a therapist, depression and the feelings you are having can really sabatoge
your progress, believe me i have been there and therapy saved me, not to
say that i still go through small up and down periods emotionally. The lack
of energy may be from depressed feelings. I am sorry to hear you have no
support. Like someone said try starting a support group in your area if
your surgeon doesn't have one.
And you can e-mail me anytime I may be a distance away but always glad to
help any way i can. Hang in there!.....TN
— Tammy N.
June 23, 2004
I was feeling the same way as you. This last week I finally picked my chin
up off the floor and got serious again about losing this weight. I started
at 389 pounds and the "chart" says I would have lost a lot more
by now at 15 months post-op. When I compare the majority has lost more
than I. That was discouraging. I thought what is wrong? I have failed at
my last resort. I started doing a lot more protein and a lot less carbs.
I have dropped five pounds in five days. It was enough to make me want to
stick with this. I am going thru a program I went to years ago before
surgery but it is working for me and I am sticking with it. We have to
keep trying. Don't give up. Look back where you came from and let that be
the reason for not wanting to go back to that size. WE CAN DO THIS!!!
Email me anytime if you want to talk.
— twin94
June 23, 2004
Robin, a little tough love here, but feeling badly for yourself and eating
the wrong things and not caring or exercising is not going to get you back
on the losing track. You have to decide if you want to make the change to
get back on track, only you can make that decision. You have plenty of
support here and I bet if you did a search under "find Peers" on
this site, in NH, you may find others near and like you you could contact
and form a support group with... If you want to make the committment to get
back on track (why did you have WLS in the first place? Think back to how
badly you wanted it..), the first thing I would suggest is being treated
for depression. you sound classic depressed. I think if you could clear
up the depression, you would find your positive attitude and energy again.
With a new mindset "I can do this", then JUST DO IT. Adopt that
motto. It sounds simplistic but honestly whether you want to exercise or
not, JUST DO IT. Whether you want to eat that protein or not, JUST DO IT.
Whether you want to stay away from eating the wrong things or not, JUST DO
IT. Don't give yourself the choice, the permission to eat wrong or not
exercise. I hate to exercise and grumble and groan every time I have to
exercise (at least 3 times a week) but I do it because I love to eat, and
if I want to eat, I have to burn off the calories. Another suggestion is
to play mind games with yourself. Next time you reach for a wrong thing
food, say to yourself, I cannot eat this unless I walk around the block
first, or drink 2 big 8 oz glasses of water first, or climb up and down the
stairs 10 times...Good luck to you...
— Cindy R.
June 23, 2004
Roxanne...please don't hate yourself. The fact that you've lost almost 100
pounds is, in itself, amazing. Without WLS, I've never been able to lose
weight. I'm not quite 6 months post op and have lost 86 pounds, but that
is because I have the tool to help me with having had the WLS. Please
know, even if you don't think so, Someone loves you, and that Someone is
God...and as the saying goes, "God don't make no junk!". The
only thing I can offer you in the way of advice is to speak with a
physician. You may have clinical depression. Whenever you're feeling down
and you come to the realization of that feeling (sometimes it takes awhile
to realize you're feeling blue), tell yourself you're worth every bit as
much as anyone else. We're all fallible humans, but God loves us for a
reason despite everything else. You're worth it all...good luck and God
bless.
— Katherine F.
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