Question:
I was just wondering if anyone has had second thoughts before their surgery?
I am scheduled for surgery 9-30-03 and I am having second thoughts. I keep telling myself that I can do it own but own. I also know that the truth is I can't. Has anyone else gone through the same thing? and if so how do you overcome this? Thanks in advance for your help! God Bless — Natalie J. (posted on September 11, 2003)
September 11, 2003
Natalie, what you're going through is soooo normal! I think we've all had
second thoughts at one time or another, though I can only speak for myself.
This is a major undertaking, one that is going to change your life!
Before my surgery, I kept thinking about how scary it all was ... what if I
didn't make it, what if there were complications, what if it didn't work,
how would my kids and husband get by without me, blah, blah, blah. It's
easy to get focused on the negative. But then I had to ask myself,
"What is the alternative to this surgery? To keep living my life the
way I have been? To get heavier and heavier and sicker and sicker? What
use will I be to my family THEN?" Whenever you find yourself getting
negative or scared, think about why you want to do this ... to be healthy,
to be more mobile, to feel better and look better and feel better about
yourself, and to have a more "normal" life. Weigh the good
against the bad ... do you want a better life or do you want to keep going
on the way you have been? For me, the answer was simple. Now, three
months later and 60 pounds gone, I do not regret it one bit, in spite of
all my reservations right before surgery. Talk to supportive friends and
family, talk with some AMOS buddies here, and surround yourself with
supportive and encouraging people who can help you get rid of your anxiety.
You will be FINE! Best of luck to you, and you will be in my prayers!
Jody :) RNY 5/23/03 235/175/130
— MomBear2Cubs
September 11, 2003
Of course it's natural to have second thoughts, especially when your
surgery date gets closer and closer. For me, I had what I consider
"half-hearted" second thoughts, which sounds like what you are
having too, second thoughts even though you know you can't lose the weight
on your own, etc. For me it just came down to knowing in my heart the
truth that I could never lose as much as I needed to lose on my own, that
if I could do it on my own I would have done it or at least part of it
already, and that this was the right answer for me. I'm 29 and have been
fat for half of that time, obese for the last 6-7 years, and I knew I could
not go on living in this body. Even if the fat didn't kill me, it was
taking from me everything I held dear - my energy, my looks, my sex life
with my dh, my outdoor activities like camping which I no longer enjoyed,
etc. My "second thoughts" were mainly based in fear of what
'might happen' and fear of the unknown. But I knew in my heart that if I
was going to get my life back then I had to go through with this. I am one
month out today, I have lost 31 pounds, I am wearing clothes from my closet
that I haven't worn for a year, people are starting to notice and comment
on my weight loss. I do miss things like pepsi, and eating half a pizza in
one sitting, but every time I miss those things, I think that I could go
back to being that person but I wouldn't have lost 30 pounds and I wouldn't
have more weight loss on the way, in fact I probably would just keep going
up and up in weight until I couldn't function as a person anymore. So that
brings me back to remembering why I did this. If I had to go back and do
it again, I would in a heartbeat. There are sacrifices and it's not easy,
especially in the first few weeks when it's hard to even go out to lunch
with someone, but the rewards are so much better than what few things you
have to sacrifice. It is normal to be scared, just let the feelings come
and if you laugh one minute and sob the next, so be it, let those feelings
work their way out of your body -- if you keep them inside it will only
affect you negatively. And of course, if you are having serious doubts
about surgery, don't do it if you're not 100% sure you want to go through
with it. You can always postpone to reassess your feelings and reschedule
again later if you still want to do it. For me my doubts were really
fears, but if I backed out I would have to wake up each morning to the same
fat body and the same unhappy feelings, and I knew that even though I was
scared that I didn't want to back out, so I put my fears aside and did it.
No complications, just smooth sailing, and I'm so glad I did! Good luck!
— beeda
September 11, 2003
Trust me, what you are going through is very normal. Not only did I have
second thoughts before the surgery but at 7 weeks post op I still have
second thoughts :o) LOL, and their is nothing I can do about it now!! LOL
But don't worry everything will be fine and with a great group of people
like here you will have plenty of support!! Good Luck!!
— Tami S.
September 11, 2003
— Jazzy
September 11, 2003
Hi Natalie, I hear ya girl. My surgery is October 2, and I feel like my
mind is totally consumed with this surgery and the outcome. You will do
fine. Just think of how healthy you will be in 3 months. Put your mind on
all the great things you will be able to accomplish that maybe you haven't
been able to. My prayers are with you. God bless you.
— Greattobe B.
September 11, 2003
I think everyone one of us had second thoughts at one time or another
before surgery. However, if you are really not sure, then do not have the
surgery.You can always go back and do it when you are ready. This is a
lifetime committment and takes work on your end to maintain your weight
loss, eat right, and to take good care of your health by taking extra
vitamins and supplements for life. Its not a magic bullet and too many
that have this surgery think that the surgery will do it all for them, they
will never have to exercise again, and can eat anything they want whenever
they want and still be a size 6. NOT. Maybe .01 percent of those who have
this surgery can do so. For most of us, the surgery is just a tool=-it
works incredibly well to get off alot of the initial weight, then for most,
you have to work to get off the rest and to maintain. Do this. Make a
list of why you want this surgery-what you will do when you lose the weight
and a list of why you should not have the surgery. What are the pros and
cons? I did this and my pro list was far, far longer than the con list. I
even took it to the hospital with me in case I had last minute thoughts of
backing out! My only regret now is that I wasted too many years before
having this surgery.
— Cindy R.
September 11, 2003
I hate to contradict the questioner, but you ARE losing the weight on your
own! You still have to do the work, and you have to follow rules, and you
have to change your relationship with food. You definitely participate
fully in the process of losing the weight. The surgery just helps you do
that in a way that diets could not. As long as you know that another diet
is not going to give you long-term results, then there's nothing to regret.
Have second thoughts if you really think you can lose (and keep off) the
weight without the surgery. Have second thoughts if you're not sure you
can make the lifestyle changes required. Have second thoughts if you won't
commit to vitamins and calcium for life. Have second thoughts if you don't
understand what the surgery itself is, and what post-op life entails. If
none of those apply, then don't look back. A new life awaits you. Lap RNY
4/1/03, 290/206/168
— Vespa R.
September 11, 2003
Natalie,
My surgery is Sept 25th, I think I know what you are saying, I do want to
do this and I know that is the best choice for me but then I think of all
kinds of things....What if I Die, What if I fail? What if... I think is is
pretty much normal for alot of people to feel that way. I just keep
reminding myself of how life is right now and the "What If's" of
If I Don't do something.....
GOOD LUCK & SPEEDY RECOVERY!
— Saxbyd
September 11, 2003
Natalie, I think that we all question or doubt our decision for surgery at
some time or another but it seemed, at least for me, that the doubts would
appear as my surgery date drew closer and closer. Several months prior to
my surgery, a co-worker of mine died following complications from his
bypass surgery. I just had to examine his situation (he had
respiratory/cardiac related problems) and then reevaluate my situation. I
resolved to the fact that eventually I would die from health related
problems associated with my obesity if I did not eventually get my weight
under control. I also encourage you to discuss any fears/concerns with your
surgeon as he/she may be able to provide reassurance and words of comfort.
Most importantly, pray to your Lord for guidance & strength to get you
through this period of doubt. Good luck to you!.... Marie
— dreamernsc
September 12, 2003
Hey girl, I am having Open RNY 9-30, I have had 4 different surgeries on my
stomach, I get very nervous, I have zero tolerance for pain, and hey yeah
I'm scared and nervous, but I have wanted and needed this for too long. For
me threre is no turning back. What I have done, by many post-ops
suggestions, is I made a list of all the reasons why I want and need WLS.
And as each day passes I still add to that list, Honey it is 5 pages long
so far. I will read this all the way to the operating room and after to
remind me why I have done this. Also I have my hubby taking photos of me,
off guard, being natural at home, so that I can look back on those, and I'm
not posing, so I'm just being me. Only you, in your heart know if you are
ready to do this. I almost let a friend guilt trip me out, never again.
Patti 9-30-03 Open Rny, 314/190? I'm hopeful!!
— pateblkbrn
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