Question:
I just read the memorial page, & second thoughts. Help!
I know that surgery has it's risks, but they have always seemed very distant. I just finished reading the memorial page, and I'm literally on the verge of tears. The risk of death and complications that I have pushed to the back of my head have suddenly jumped to the front and I am faced with the realization that I could die. I always thought that those had passed had always had underlying health problems and were super obese but I have come to the realization that that's not true. One profile had a girl that passed and she was my age and weight and had no underlying health problems. I am so afraid. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. For some reason I am sure that I will die, and I can't shake this feeling...... Help. — JM B. (posted on July 3, 2002)
July 3, 2002
Janelle, I had these same feelings. I am young (25) with minor co-morbids
and I thought "that could be me!" I <i>was</i>
balling when I read those profiles. But now, I have come to a peace about
this whole thing. I have read, and read and read. Continue to inform
yourself about the surgery, and realize that it really is a small
percentage of deaths. I think the more informed you are the better off you
will be about making this decision. Death is a reality, but when it's your
time to go, it's your time to go. That could be anywhere, from anything,
and not necessarily from WLS. For an even bigger reality check, go to
www.obesity.org and read about the health issues related to obesity. That
really woke me up! God bless,
— MoLyn
July 3, 2002
hi. I am 22 and 4 weeks post-op. I was so sure of the surgery, and then i
did the same thing, read the memorial page. If you look, there were some
posts about this just before, and there were some great words of
encouragement, as well! But, It scared me to death as well, but I am here
and doing great. if you do notice though, almost half of those people DIED
BEFORE they even had the SURGERY!!! They died from complications from
OBESITY. The actual death rate is something like .5% which is pretty small.
I was scared, but I also knew that I didn't want to spend my life being
heavy and unhappy. ANd also think of this, how many OLD OBESE people do you
see around? not too many- because they do not live that long. It was worth
the risk to me. The chances of you dying are quite small. Also look at the
people on the pages- many of the people who do died were often those who
had many health problems, were severely obese (BMIs of like 60 or more) and
not very young. Goodluck to you, I wish you well! :)
— Lezlie Y.
July 3, 2002
I understand your fear and pre/op I alwys followed up reading bad stuff by
looking at the before and after pages. Two young people that I know of
died because they did not follow their doctors directions. One actually
died at a post op support meeting because she did not drink her water.
Another one's mom posted here that her child died because he did not follow
the plan. Most of the time it is up to you.
— faybay
July 3, 2002
I, too am pre-op, with my surgery scheduled for August 15. I've read the
memorial pages, but I look at this as the opportunity of a lifetime for me.
I've tried so many diets and have had success for a while and then back to
old habits until now I have health problems that I MUST solve. You have to
have balance toward this type of decision. I have made up my mind that
win, lose or draw....I'm going to do this and I'm going to do what they
tell me to do and I'm going to solve ever last health problem I have so
that I can live he rest of my life as pain free as possible. Surgery
always has it's risks, but so does walking down the street. You educate
yourself about the process and get on with it, making the best decision for
you. I hope you find peace and do what's right for your case. If you're
ready to make the committment and use the tool you would receive through
WLS, go for it. If not, perhaps it's good to wait a while and explore
other alternatives. But above all--have peace in your decision and don't
look back.
— Cathy S.
July 3, 2002
It was approximately 2 months between my insurance approval and my actual
surgery date. In that two months I had a lot of time to hear the good and
bad of this surgery. I was very scared (even though I didn't tell anyone),
but I knew that this was the only step I could take to be 100% successful
in my weight loss. I had so much faith in my doctor and I think that is
one of the most important factors. I also had faith in God that he would
lead me down the path he wanted. I could get in a car wreck and die easier
than dieing from sugery. Like the others below have said....there are
soooo many more success stories than failures. I am 4 weeks post-op and
down 34 pounds. Life is great.
— Cindy M.
July 3, 2002
I too read the memorial page just yesterday and the whole time I was
reading it I was in tears. Just the thought of dying and leaving my family
was a scary thought. But guess what I'm not promised anything in this world
except to stay Black and Die!! But if I have the opportunity to change my
life for the better than I'm going to take it. I am 440lbs and I'm in
terrible a terrible way--I feel like a 80y/o woman stuck in a 35y/o body
with a spirit of a 25y/o. I pray every night for the good lord not to take
me tonight, but have the chance to undo what I did. You may die without
the surgery, you may die with the surgery, but i'd rather die trying to
change my life for the better. Don't live your life on what if's put your
trust in God and step out in faith. Look at it this way if you have the
surgery without any complications--you Win, if something happens (which I
doubt) and you go home to live with the Lord--you still Win. Don't let the
devil put fear in your heart and keep you from living the life that God
intended for you to live--Remember that God did not give us a spirit of
fear.
I'll be praying for your continuous strength concerning this matter.
— mischief85
July 3, 2002
Use what you have read on the Memorial page to your advantage. What I mean
is BE PROACTIVE in regards to your surgery. Do your research; this website
is wonderful for research! Your pre-op health is very important. Do NOT
let your surgeon eliminate any pre-op tests in order to save time or save
the insurance company or yourself money. Be sure you know whether your
pre-op test results turned out normal. If a test result is not normal,
STOP right there! Try to get any co morbid conditions under control as
much as possible before surgery, if you have any. In other words, try to
be in the best possible health that you can be when you have surgery. If
you have any conditions that can't be fully treated, ask your surgeon how
he plans to handle the problem during and after surgery. Make sure he has
a plan that will work for you in case complications arise because of any
co-morbid you may have. Yes, this is major surgery, but virtually all
fatal problems can be prevented if the patient and surgeon work together to
make your safety a first priority. Best of luck to you for a successful
surgery.
— Hackett
July 3, 2002
Hi, I am 21 years old and my surgery date is Aug 7th. You and I are the
same height, but I weight about 50 pounds more then you. Anyway, I was
scared about dying when I began this process too. But then I realized that
having these 200 extra pounds on me is not really living. I hurt everyday,
I am self concious all the time, my clothes don't fit well, the list goes
on and on. I too read the memorial page and got scared! But! Then I read
some people's profiles that were sooo happy and I looked at their before
and after pictures, and I said to myself "my chance of dying from
surgery is pretty small, but my chance of living a SHORT, PAINFUL life
being fat is even greater." So, here I am going into surgery soon, and
looking forward to a greater life. Email me if you want to talk! :o)
— fropunka
July 3, 2002
i too read thepage but guess what. if ur obese enough to have this
surgery then ur already facing an early possible death. i will catch a lot
of flack for this but i truly believe im not going to die having my surgery
7/22/02 unless thats the day God has decided to take me home anyway. if it
is then i will go sitting on my couch or in my bed since that is where my
back keeps me most of the time anyway. compared to some im not that heavy
at 288 but im way too heavy for me. so i will either die tring to get
healthy or i will die healthy or i will die mo and be and embarrassment to
my family when they cant carry my casket. again that is the fear ive been
fight for several years now. u need to talk to ur family and urself about
ur fears and then decide if this is right for u or not. good luck in
whatever u decide
— amanda W.
July 3, 2002
I am 24 years old and just had surgery 6/12. There were two things that
helped me. 1.) I had complete confidence in my surgeon. I was very
comfortable with his abilities. and 2.) God will take care of me. What is
meant to be is meant to be and I just prayed that I was doing the right
thing. What you are feeling is completely normal. Try looking at the
before and after pics. That helps too. I'm sure you'll do great!
— emilyfink
July 3, 2002
I don't know if this will help you, but it helped me:
I think about my dad who died Christmas night at the age of 41 years old in
1992. If only he had the opportunity to have had the surgery he would more
than likely be here with us today. And oh how I miss him so much. You and I
have that opportunity that so many didn't in the past. The opportunity to
change our health and give ourselves, as well as our family, more time. I
want to see my boys grow up and be there for granchildren in the future.
The chances of that happenning are better now than they were before the
surgery! Do more research and get a doctor you can trust!
Good luck :)
— ravikamor
July 3, 2002
I have been very interested in reading the posts from this
question as well as the one yesterday because I could relate
so well to those feelings of fear and concern.
Last night I found the best quote that seemed to fit our
situation,
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the
things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So, throw
off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the
tradewinds in your sails." Mark Twain
Today, after finally feeling okay about having the surgery
that I was scheduled to have on 7/16, I recieved a call from
the surgeon's office, they had a cancellation for FRIDAY!!
SO, I am having my Lap RNY on 7/5!!! I am heading out of
my "safe harbor" and I am excited to go!! Heather Nelson
— Heather N.
July 3, 2002
I think it sooooo normal to think about death at the time of surgery, I
have had other surgerys, and I was scared I would die then too. We can die
of so many things! If you don't have the surgery you will die of MO much
sooner anyway, and like the other poster said are you really living to your
fullest potential now? Your thots are very normal, I was afraid to leave my
2 boys w/out a mom. I cried the nite before with my oldest son. (12) But I
have a strong faith in God. I knew it wasn't time for me to go
yet, and He would see me through. You will be fine, Look at the
before/after pictures for courage and strengh. You
Go Girl!!!!!!!!
— Cindee A.
July 3, 2002
You know, I had that exact same feeling going into surgery... even to the
point where I was laying on the surgery bed, praying aloud with tears
streaming down my face- "God, please don't let me die!". And you
know what? I came out just fine... it's such a hard decision, and for me,
it required SO much prayer... to see how I felt before the surgery, you
should read my profile page... I went into detail about what I'd want to
tell everyone when I died (because I was so sure I would)... but you can't
let fear stand in your way! You have so much to live for... don't let
anything make you forget that!
— Fallon D.
July 3, 2002
I would seriously be more worried about you if you were
<b>not</b> having these concerns! It means you are giving a
lot of thought to this and will follow your doctors advice to acheive the
best possible surgical outcome. Good luck and G-d Bless!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 4, 2002
I was so nervous and scared about dying, I developed a nervous facial tic
about one month before surgery, which "miraclously" went away
immediately after surgery. It didn't help that a former brother-in-law died
less than one month prior to my surgery (from cancer). I'm the single Mom
of two teenage daughters, and I couldn't bare the thought of not being here
for them (especially having lost my own Dad when I was 18). But I
rationalized that at my weight, ANY surgery was risky (an anesteologist
once almost refused to do my tubal ligation because of my weight), and at
least I was being operated on by professionals who were prepared and
experienced with operating on obese patients. The upside is that, being
forced to face the real possibilty of my death, I have a new outlook on
life. I love it and don't take it for granted anymore. I was operated on 3
weeks before Xmas, and on Xmas Eve, I found myself crying, being so
grateful to be alive and able to spend the holiday with my loved ones.
Seven months later, I still feel the same way, and take a more active role
in keeping myself healthy, so I will continue to live as long as possible.
Remember - a long life isn't promised to any of us - but we do have a
choice in doing whatever we can to increase our odds. For many, WLS is one
way of doing that.
— Cyndie K.
July 4, 2002
I too read the memorial page. It is scarry. The scarry thing is the people
that decided not to have the surgery and then died. Would the surgery saved
their life? Only God knows that. He also knows when we each will die. I
know that if I don't have the surgery I will die from my obesity. If I have
the surgery I anticipate haveing a better quality of life while I am here.
I read your profile. You are young and have no co-mobids at this point. I
read you list for why to have the surgery and at the risk of sounding like
and old woman, maybe you could add as the number one reason: To not develop
co-morbids! Just my opion. Good luck to you what ever you decide. I do wish
that I had done something before my body got so old. My only regret is that
had I done this when my son was young, we could have done so much more
together.
— garnet156
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