Question:
Have you been open in discussing your surgery with other people?
What are other people's reactions? Is it better to be private or open about the surgery? — [Anonymous] (posted on May 5, 1999)
May 5, 1999
I know I have an evil side but here goes. If it is someone who gave me
hell when I was big, and now they see me small and want to gush all over me
and want to know how I did it, I say "Oh, I just changed my eating
habits." Well, that isn't exactly a lie, I did change them. But if it
is someone who never gave me hell about being big, I tell them. I have
only used the first line with two people. I have told many, many more the
truth about my surgery.
I have talked with strangers about it and most people are surprised but
very supportive of what I did to loose the weight. I feel so good about
myself now and so much more confident that really I don't care who knows
how I got where I am today. I feel good and that is really what it is all
about isn't it?
One girl I worked with who had the same surgery (and surgeon) I had didn't
tell anyone. I thought that was silly. If I could have "just lost
it" on my own, I would have done it years ago. Wouldn't you have? I
never understood how she could think that people would believe that all of
a sudden she just up and lost over 100 lbs. Maybe "MY" reality
is different from hers. Maybe that was just her way of dealing with it.
All I know is that we all deal with it in
different ways. What works for one would never work for another. Good
luck to all of you who want it and are trying to have the surgery done. I
will say a special prayer for you each day.
— Peggy W.
May 5, 1999
I have been open with the people at work, and my family.
There are others that I feel don't need to know my pesonal
life. When they ask how I've done it I just tell them a lot
of hard work.
— dboat
May 5, 1999
I tell anyone who even comes CLOSE to the subject. Anyone and everyone.
Almost as if it is my personal mission to spread the word. EVeryone jokes
that if you pull up next to me in traffic, I'll tell you! But I haven't
found a way to approach a heavy person to hand 'em my surgeon's card. The
waitresses at our favorite places know. We often use a card from the
doctor to buy small meals. If a manager balks, I whip out our
"befores". That usually does it! And then they ask. My husband
and I have both has surgery, so either gender feels comfortable discussing
it with us. On the other hand, for the folks who chose to keep it a
secret, many things have happened. Firstly, they perpetuate the myth that
dieting works. Who KNOWS how many they take down with the lie? Secondly,
they miss the JOY of shouting every lb lost from the rooftops. ONe girl's
sister is dieting strenously and feels AWFUL because she can't catch up
with the surgery sister. And mom is heavy, but this girl is SO shamed of
her surgery, she lets her mom & sis suffer??? I've seen so many who
feel they must hide it. Sometimes, it is their downfall. In their efforts
not to look odd at family gatherings, they often eat the 2 foods forbidden
to us, milk and sugar, in hopes that the family won't "know".
Like as if she hasn't been on a diet at every gathering since time began??
Obviously, my bias is that those who tell do well.
— vitalady
May 5, 1999
so far I've only told two people very close to me and have
sworn them to secrecy. My family knows and is supportive, but
they're not telling anyone of their friends, either. Let's face
it, obesity is a dirty word. I've told my husband that if anyone
asks how I've done it, I won't be able to lie, but I remain in
the "don't ask, don't tell" corner.
— patti S.
May 5, 1999
Everyone is different. In my case, discussing it with my friends and
co-workers made the surgery more concrete for me. But you see, I was
convinced that no one but no one was going to turn me away from me doing
this for myself. I was convinced that this was for me. I got many
different reactions. Some and most could not understand and mention you
know all you need is will power. BEEN THERE- DONE THAT. No one knows what
I had been through. I have always been overweight. Born at 11 lbs at
birth. I had already lived through pure HELL. SO no one could tell me
-all I needed was will power. I knew the operation was for me. If you are
coming from that stance- then sharing it will others will not deter you
from your decision. My sister however, is considering the operation. She
feels she will not let co-workers or even close friends know. That is her.
She has told me over and over and over again "Now, don't you wish
you hadn't told anyone" Especially when I had to change my date for
surgery. You see, she didn't understand for me - telling people was POWER
for me. Determination made verbal. So you see- it depends on you and what
you need to carry out your plan. GOOD HEALTH. Sheila
— Sheila W.
May 6, 1999
Hi,
There were very few people I told about my surgery before I had it done. I
didn't want to have to deal with any negative coments. I had made my
decision and didn't want anyone trying to change it. However, since my
surgery, I am open about it. I don't care who knows. Most people are ok
with it, to my face anyway. It doesn't do a lot of good to be negative
about it now. Over all I have had only good experiences.
Christine
— Christine Y.
May 6, 1999
I will be having the RNY in the near future. I have told my close friends,
and immediate family (husband and son). I have no intention of telling my
mother. I had a gastroplasty in 1985 and failed. She has badgered me ever
since, saying "you didn't do a thing but mess yourself up." She
is non-supportive about almost everything I do, so I will tell her I HAD my
gallbladder removed. Notice I said HAD, because I'm not telling her
anything until after the surgery. Most others know the truth. I believe
it is important to let the world know that morbid obesity is a disease, and
that diet and exercise just don't work.
— Peggy51
May 6, 1999
I think it's better to be private unless you know the person, and how they
will react. I have many friends at work, but have only told a few about
the surgery. Frankly, it is nobody's business but mine. I know that
others care about me, and how I'm doing, but I honestly don't think that
they would truly understand the importance of the surgery, to my health,
life, everything, unless they truly understood me. If I choose to tell
others later, I can. No problem. But you can't undo it if you've already
told. I truly don't think people can understand the need for the surgery,
or its profound effect, unless they have experience with weight, either
their own or a family member's. Of course, I have family members I don't
plan on telling either. It's a personal choice!
— Elizabeth W.
May 6, 1999
I have been very open about the surgery I was planning and the recovery
afterwards. I think it depends on your own personality and preferences on
how much and to whom you share. If you tell folks, you are opening yourself
up to a lot of gossip and "horror stories" (usually fourth or
fith hand) about how "awful" this surgery is. I told people that
I'd done my research and made my decision and preferred not to hear
arguments to the contrary. My family and close friends were supportive. Not
so close friends tried to bend my ear but I shut them off. At work, I've
found great support, especially since the results have been so good: 100
pounds in five months.
Go with your instincts about how private or public to be. Perhaps just
inform those folks directly affected (work, for instance) and you don't
have to be too detailed or descriptive if you don't want to be.
Susan
[email protected]
— Susan C.
May 6, 1999
Some time before the surgery I decided to not be so open about it, mainly
because here in Brazil this surgery starts now to be very known. As a
phisician, I did not know if my colleagues would understand my decision (
in all over the world doctors have the false idea that to loosing weight
means shut the mouth and thats all). I opened to some close friend and some
family members. Some of them (my family) were notified just a day before,
in order to not worry them.
And now, some days after the surgery I imagine that everybody will know,
but I am not worried about it. I am so happy that nothing would affect my
new feelings. I and only me know how hard was and what i have tried to do
against being fat all of my life. Melany Torres (BRAZIL)
— Melany T.
May 9, 1999
Yes. As a matter of fact, my boss and co-workers have been the most
supportive out of everyone I've talked to. Most of my friends understand,
but they don't necessarily have a vested interest in making sure I have a
job when I come back from the surgery, or need to make adjustments for
working. My job, the people I work with, and the people I work for have
been really wonderful.
— Molly S.
May 9, 1999
When I initially decided to have surgery, I thought that I would keep it
quiet because I didn't think somebody who didn't have the problem could
understand the surgery. I told a selected few trusted friends and was
pleasantly surprised by their reaction. everyone was supportive and
understanding. so I started to tell more and more people and the reaction
was the same. I work for the federal government and was able to get the
time off that I needed to have the surgery. my co-workers came to see me
in the hospital and at my house and called my just about every day. even
the head of my office called me to see how I was doing. when I returned to
work, I was put on 1/2 day restrictions for about 2 weeks. everyone in the
office made sure that I was doing what I should have been doing and not
hurting myself. all in all, I'm happy that I decided to be open about what
I had done. the support that I received from my friends and co-workers was
just as important as the support that I received from the hospital, doctor,
and support group.
— Don P.
May 9, 1999
I am a minister and my life is open to both lots of praise
and criticism. Living in a fish bowl is difficult. I told some close
clergy friends and they did not think WLS was a good idea. But I trust
they will be supportive in the long run. I am not comfortable about
telling my parishioners, at least at this point. I'm seeking support from
other folks in my area because I know it is not a good idea to tough it out
alone.
— Jeanne M.
May 9, 1999
i have a family member who tells me getting the surgery is "taking the
easy way out"..i can think of nothing farther from the truth. i have
told a few family members & close friends, i have learned who is and
isn't in my corner and have decided to discuss it only with my circle of
supporters and thats all...
— [Anonymous]
May 10, 1999
I have been very open with everyone about RNY surgery. One because I feel
that it may help others who suffer from morbid obesity and have "been
there, tried that" all of their lives. Also since I am appealing my
insurance company's decision to deny me, I feel the more I talk about it
the more people will become aware. There are no surgeon's that preform
this type of operation in Montana.. the more I can educate them the
better. I don't feel that having the RNY surgery counts me as a failure..
it just makes me another pioneer in the art of getting healthy and fighting
insurance! Fighting Morbid Obesity all my life is a challenge, and finding
a tool like RNY surgery to help me in my fight for a healthier life is
something I feel should be advertised from the rooftops! I am not a
failure I am a fighter! People are afraid of what they don't understand
and the more we educate them the more they can and will except it.
{{HUGS}} to ALL!
— RaeLynn Z.
May 12, 1999
I tell everyone. Most people are supportive. Surprisingly the heavier they
are the more they speak against it. I believe this is mostly due to fear
and being misinformed. I tell everyone because if I help one person make
this decision then I feel good about it.
— Donna D.
September 26, 1999
I have been telling everyone about my plans for the RNY and get alot of
negative feedback (especially from family) and also some support (usually
from thinner people). No matter what they say though....I WILL get my
surgery and WILL continue to talk about it from now till forever!!! I am
looking forward to being a new me :-)
— Sheri C.
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