Question:
I am wondering how people will react to me once I am thin, will I become a snob?

All my friends are focusing more on the fact that I will be thin. I am really excited about that as well considering all the things I will be able to do and more quality time with my kids and husband. But has anyone out there suffered from snob syndrome? Will I become stuck up? I think that I will carry over the same attitude towards heavy people because I have been one for so long. I will always have compassion but how do you feel once you are not the only fat person in the room? I hope this question is not offensive I am just really nervous about my personality afterwards. Plus did any of your husbands change for the worse after you became so called "thin and beautiful"? Thanks for all your support!    — Michelle J. (posted on July 18, 2002)

July 17, 2002
Hey there--Let me answer the husband thing first. I was 6 weeks post op when my long term boyfriend (living together for 4 years) left me for his overweight X wife. I don't know if it had something to do with me losing weight or not. They had 3 kids together and he always felt guilty about not being with the kids. Anyway, we've been apart for 18 months now and I am more happier.It was for the best. As far as being a snob. I guess there is always the possibility of that but I do notice that women treat me differently. I guess they see me as a threat now, whereas before I wouldn't have been a problem. I find now that I get into more "cat fights" with women while I am out than before, but I also handle it differently. I stick up for myself. Recently, I had a young girl accuse me of being a "whore" and not wearing any panties at all while I was out. When in fact I was wearing "granny wears". It was quite funny actually, but I almost got into a fist fight trying to prove myself. I don't know if that makes me a snob or not, but it is just a situation that happened to me that I wanted to let you know about. I wish you luck. Email me if you would like to chat.
   — enjo4

July 17, 2002
I am down 126 pounds, and do not feel my views have changed. I still have large friends and do not feel uncomfortable around them, or to be seen with them. My husband has become alot more attentive, which you can turn into a positive thing, by knowing that you have changed and its ok to feel good about yourself, and appreciate the fact your husband is also proud of you. My main goal was to feel better and beable to do things I haven't been able to do in years, and now I can. It is hard on your spouse when other men start paying attention to you, but just reassure him he seen you at your worst and now at your best and always loved you and your feeling will stay the same for him.
   — Valerie M.

July 17, 2002
I have actually become more friendly. When I was at my top weight, I would purposely push people away so as not to be pushed away first. I feared rejection. I felt that nobody would want anything to do with me because of my weight. I pre-judged myself before anyone had the chance. I guess it could have appeared that I was being the snob then. Now I have been able to open my heart to new friendships. My husband says that I'm a different person, and more approachable, even for him. He has been much more attentive because of it. I have never been in a fight. And I always see the heaviest person in the room and have compassion for them, knowing what difficulties that they live with on a daily basis. Of the hundreds that attend my support group, I see so many different paths taken after weight loss. I know of one who started 'partying', going to the clubs, drinking and infedelity. Some get the confidence that they needed to leave their abusive husbands. Others' happiness spills over into their marriage/family and it improves quality of life. It is really up to you how you handle your new life. What would you like the outcome to be?
   — Cheri M.

July 17, 2002
I too am more friendly. But at the same time I don't take the crap from people I would once put up with. I think that is because I have alittle more self esteem than before and I don't feel as if I have to be the world's doormat and the depositary for their crap anymore.
   — Danmark

July 18, 2002
this is a very good question. my family is sooo worried about my personality post op. iam a very cheery , easy - going person now. i don't know why that would change. i think our life experiences do " shape " who we are. even though iam overweight i still like life and people. i would never snub anyone and i don't see why being thin would change that. looking better isn't a reason to walk all over anyone. i think living as a morbidly obese person for so long has made me a more compassionate person and i plan on taking that with me to the other side. good luck to all!!!!
   — nikki R.

July 18, 2002
Being only 2 weeks post-op I can't give you the full scoop yet, personally. However, from things I've read and people I've talked to, it boils down to your own personality and your own "emotional baggage." There are a lot of emotions involved with a significant weight loss, no matter if it involves surgery or not. Just as some people will forget what it was like to be obese, I believe a great many more will retain that compassion for others who share the pain they once suffered. I've noticed that some people get really defensive or cop an attitude about every look or every remark. They get really mad at people, co-workers or husbands, who didn't give them a lot of time or attention before and then suddenly do. As for co-workers, usually it's just a matter of people taking the time out from a busy workday to recognize something great that someone has done for themselves....whether it's a new hairstyle, clothes or weight loss, or even a promotion or a grandchild being born (we tend to take time out to recognize these types of things). If a husband becomes insecure after a wife's weight loss, then the marriage wasn't all that solid to begin with. Your spouse or significant other should be supportive before, during & after. Then again, just as you shouldn't be a snob to ANYONE...you shouldn't be a snob to your husband or take offense in the fact that he is naturally going to find you even more attractive. Take down your defenses, enjoy your newfound self esteem and soak up the positive feelings coming from everyone. I know I plan to! Good Luck - Anna
   — Anna L.

July 18, 2002
I'll be honest with you...I was (and have heard about people becoming) a complete you-know-what just after surgery (sort of like having PMS on hyper drive) but after a couple of weeks adjstment, it went away...As for becoming snobby once thin, I can't imagine that would happen. It seems that if one has been MO for any period of time, one would always remember the pain of feeling shunted by society, and realize that in reality we're all just a Snicker's bar away from becoming that again. I am 1/2 way to my goal of 100lbs off and and feeling more human, but not conceited. Bottom line...it's all good.
   — rebeccamayhew

July 18, 2002
Well, I'm going out on my own here but I'm being honest. I am 4 month post-op, down 80lbs but have lost a grand total of 130lbs(50lbs b4 surgery) I've become a snob. I know how horrible I felt when I was really fat and I remember how people treated me, like I wasn't human, like I was disgusting and I find myself treating obese people the same as I was treated. I've never said anything mean or made comments to these people but often I find myself giving them the disgusting looks I remember getting. I look at pictures of myself at my highest weight and I hate that person, I think she's fat and ugly. I vow I will never be that person again. I'm a new person now. That part of my life is slowly being forgotten. I consider myself a very good person overall. I'm constantly smiling now and much more social towards thin people and they notice that. You might change, you might not. I did and I said I wouldn't. No one can answer this for you. I have alot of hate for that fat person I was and I think that is why I am reacting this way. Now, my self esteem has never been higher and I have never felt better about myself. Gotta appreciate my honesty!
   — Angie B.

July 18, 2002
I'm 12 weeks post-op but I have found that I still feel like the fattest person in the room. I've lost over 100 lbs, still very large, but my brain has not adjusted to the weight loss. I don't believe that I will ever be 'thin and beautiful.' I don't feel like an attractive person, even after losing 103 lbs. I think it takes the brain a very long time to catch up with the body! I've found that NO ONE at work has noticed a change--I was gone for 10 weeks and came back much lighter and with a different hair colour and not one person has said anything to me.
   — jenn2002

July 18, 2002
I am actually LESS of a snob now. Maybe I don't see myself in overweight women anymore. I don't know. My husband is somewhat overweight and it is funny when he says he is overweight and I automatically answer, "Me too!" I guess it will take a while to adjust. LOL
   — ctyst

July 18, 2002
Well, to be honest, I have noticed a change in myself. I wouldn't exactly call it being a 'snob' but its just different. I am down 110lbs and about 40lbs from goal. I feel more confident and self-assured, I stand up straighter and hold my head up instead of looking down (hiding from the world) all the time. I'm going out more, wearing a little tighter clothes (not slutty, just not baggy)than I would ever dream of. My best friend and I went to Vegas this past weekend and we were walking thru the Casino and she was telling me about all the men who were staring at me. I am oblivious to that since 1)I'm married and NOT looking 2)never having been stared at in a GOOD way, I'm just not used to it. She told me that "I had better get used to it and my DH had better watchout!" SHe also said, "good thing you are married because I don't need the competition!" I find these comments hard to believe after years of being ignored and feeling like a 'non-entity' when it came to the opposite sex. Plus, my brain hasn't caught up with my size. I still see all the fat even though the scale and sizes say something different. I do keep asking myself if I am getting a big head with all the attention and compliments. I try and stay grounded. I see other obese people and my heart just aches for them. I want to rush up to them and tell them all about my surgery and that there is hope. That would be rude though. My DH is thrilled with the new me. Definately more attentive, wants to take me out all the time to show me off and is proud of me. If your relationship is a strong one, it will remain strong.
   — Kris T.

July 18, 2002
No, I was a snob before too.
   — Karen R.

July 18, 2002
I don't plan on it...why would you? All I can think of is when I quit smoking. I vowed that I would never make anyone uncomfortable to smoke around me...and you know what, in 8 years I have always kept my word. I am actually about 80 lbs down now... and when I look at people who are obese I have nothing in my heart but compassion for the suffering I am all too familiar with. I am humbled by this journey, and pray that I am not arrogant at its conclusion.
   — Ann B.

July 18, 2002
Not a snob, but I can definately see myself having more pride in my looks. If someone comments on how pretty I look, I say thank you. But on the inside I am thinking I KNOW I AM! :) It feels so good to look nicer and nicer with each lb of fat that drops away. I think when the weight is gone I will be a "snob" about my looks. Mabey even a higher mantainence girl, but I could never make another MO person feel worse about themselves than they already do. I pray I continue to have all the compassion in the world for overweight people. Even when I am 135 lbs I will still see the MO as being "my people". I have the gift of knowledge of WLS that I can share with other MO people!
   — KCAllen77

July 18, 2002
karen- your answer was great! LOL I am only 7 weeks post-op and have lost over 40 pounds. I can see the weight coming off, but was worried about it as well. I can tell a difference in my attitude and self-confidence. But i know for myself, I have always been a nice, compassionate person, and I don't think it will change. I doubt it changes for most people. You will never forget how hard it was for you and your battle on obesity, so I think you will always be kind towards overweight people as well as people in general! :)
   — Lezlie Y.

April 2, 2003
Well, I'm blessed with a husband that gives me more attention than I can barely deal with. Although, I love the attention, sometimes it comes at the most inopportune time (ie, when I'm sleeping after a hard night on the job, smile). My concern is the opposite. I wonder, if he's showering me with all this love in the last ten years of our marriage, what will happen to us after I lose the weight. I wonder myself will I still get the constant hugs and kisses I get now (I don't know if I could bear it if it increases lol). We have nine children and hopefully one day to have more.
   — tinky471

April 3, 2003
You made me laugh out loud (LOL) for real! "Stuck up" because I'm thin?, LOLOLOL! Sorry, it's a good question. It's fun to think about, isn't it? But so many of us still see ourselves as M.O., or formerly M.O., that even if we start to get used to being "normal," I for one still feel I'm just "passing" for normal. ;~D I think there will always be a difference between thin folk and formerly M.O. folk who are now thin, or normal-sized, or healthy (whichever word you feel best describes where you are or want to be). We will always understand what it is like to fight obesity and hopefully we won't take for granted our good fortune and hard work in recovering from it. I do find myself noticing heavy people more, but I sometimes I also picture them normal-sized in my mind and just hope they will find a way to get there, if they want to.
   — Suzy C.

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