Question:
How can keep WLS a secret?
I have co-workers and former co-workers who will certainly notice my weight loss. I also have lunch with these people on occasion. I REALLY want this to remain private, so how do I handle these occasional lunches and the certain questions I will be asked in reference to my weight loss? There is no way I want to discuss this surgery with any of these people, but then how do I lunch with them? What answer can I give that will suffice? — [Anonymous] (posted on February 4, 2002)
February 4, 2002
I have not told anyone about my plans for surgery except my best friends,
my husband and my two brothers, well, actually, one brother told the other!
I am not going to tell my supervisor as I do not think it's any of her
business! I'm planning for the LAP-BAND so I won't have to explain any
long-term hospital stay (God willing) and my weight loss will be gradual
enough that no one will probably notice! I am not ashamed I just don't
think my health is the world's business! You could just say that you are
really changing your eating habits and have added exercise to your daily
routine--neither are lies!
— jenn2002
February 4, 2002
Well, it seems to me your first obstacle is the time off for surgery. One
good way to explain this is some other procedure that you need done.
Anything from inflamed gall bladder, bleeding ulcers or anything else
gastro-intestinal. That would explain the scar, recovery time, and
hospital stay. As for the change of diet, and the weight loss, that can be
described as follows:
1. I finally determined! I am sticking to this new 800 calorie a day
diet.
2. This is all I can handle with my bleeding ulcers.
3. My new diet allows me to eat a big supper if I barely eat breakfast or
lunch.
4. Ever since my gall bladder surgery, I always feel bloated.
5. Ever since I started crack, I am not hungry.
6. I know the cook here, and he believes hygiene is the root of all evil.
7. I just saw the waitress picking her nose.
8. My new religion is based on nutrition through osmosis.
9. I had a philly cheese steak for morning break.
10. Mind your own @#$%& business!
The first four were sincere. Sorry, just trying to lighten it up a little.
— kyle S.
February 4, 2002
I too feel that my decision to have this surgery is very private and have
only told a few people. Most of my friends have seen me lose and gain
weight over the years so for me to be on a diet and lose weight is nothing
new...except this time I will keep it off! ISince people have started to
notice and are very curious I have explained that I just couldn't walk
anymore without being out of breath and winded and the doctor said I had
better take the weight off soon. I am eating a high protien diet with very
little carbs, trying to drink lots of water and started walking for
exercise...all very true. As far as eating lunch with co-workers I just
tell people I had oatmeal for breakfast and it is sitting like a lead
balloon or that I am eating a light lunch since we are going out for
dinner. You will find that people are much more concerned with themselves
and really pay very little attention to what you are eating. Good luck!
— Diane Z.
February 4, 2002
When I requested the time off from work due to surgery my manager nodded,
asked if there was anything he could do for me, reassured me that he
respected my privacy and he wouldn't pry. I did get a letter from my
bariatric doctor and my Primary doctor, both wrote very generic letters
stating I was having surgery and would need to recover for 4 - 6 weeks
before I could return to work. I received 6 weeks off with full pay! I
did choose to tell two people at work, one is a close friend, the other
just went through the surgery herself. I was lucky that I didn't have to
go into details!
— Melissa W.
February 4, 2002
Something to consider....a woman at my sister's work had the surgery and
alot of people know about it even though "it's supposed to be a
secret." If you choose to keep it a secret I suggest that you not tell
even ONE person in your office because word will spread and then you could
look as foolish as the woman in my sister's office.
— Sonya T.
February 4, 2002
Sonya was right. If you want to keep your surgery private, don't tell
anyone. People can't keep secrets. It's just human nature. There's very
few people I trust. As far as lunch afterwards, I started walking at
lunchtime. Do that. Just take off on your own and tell them you have
started walking away your lunchtime as your new regime. That could even
explain some of your weight loss. And you'll probably want to tell them
eventually. Maybe not. but it's YOUR choice. When I disappeared from the
work scene and came back, people would ask me where I was. I said "I
just had to have a little surgery" and then I would quickly change the
subject. People will ask "What kind?" which is such improper
etiquette. So just change the subject quickly and they will get the hint.
Or I would say, "I had my gallbladder removed" and leave it at
that.
— blank first name B.
February 4, 2002
This will be an interesting situation you are putting yourself in. For
myself, I told everyone. Anyone that has asked, I would tell them that I
had WLS to help lose weight. I have had NO negative feedback so far. Don't
get me wrong, I didn't wear a sign telling everyone that I had this
surgery, but I sure didn't hide it when they wanted to know. You never
know, just by telling someone else, you might be helping them help
themselves or someone else. I found out about this from friends that told
me, sure glad they didn't keep it a secret. Best of luck...
— Phil J.
February 4, 2002
I told no one at work, and since I had lap RNY and was back to work in 11
days (I work P/T), I didn't even tell anyone I was having surgery. Just
said I was taking time off for a "home" vacation to get some
things done. (A BIG thing :-). I avoided lunch out for the first month or
two, saying I was "dieting" and I didn't want to eat out yet.
After that, I would just order soup (still on my diet). Soup goes down
easily, and you can eat alot of it if you take your time, so it's not so
noticable that you're eating much less. (BTW, I don't normally choose soup
since it doesn't keep me full, this is just an "eating out"
ploy). Only a few close friends know I had surgery. I NEVER tell people
how much weight I've lost, so they don't think it's odd that I've lost so
fast. I think it's hard to tell w/ obese people how much we've lost.
— mom2jtx3
February 5, 2002
I am 6 months post op and kept my surgery a secret. I have lost 130 pounds
since surgery and dropped from a size 32 to an 18 so far. Size 12 is my
goal! It is close. Anyway, I UNDERSTAND your decision to keep your surery
private. Don't let people convinve you that you must tell or that the world
must know the truth. Do people know about all of your private business?
Especially not something this life changing and personal. I have a few
rules that will help you. Rule #1 Keep it a secret 100% or don't do it at
all. This means tell family or who ever you must, but don't differentiate
between friends. Tell no one. It is really risky with some knowing and
others not. IT WILL GET OUT and you will look like a big fat liar--well a
skinny liar by then. Rule #2 Practice, practice, practice. Do not eat ANY
THING in public that you have not tried first at home. Going to read
lobster for a luncheon? Stop by at lunch and peak at the menu for healthy
choices or order a meal to go and see how much you can eat and how you
feel. Rule #3 Tell everyone that you are going on THE DIET of your life.
Tell how you are cutting out carbs and sugar and exercising. Make that a
fact and people will be watching to see how your efforts pay off. Rule#4
Don't feel guilty. The fact is---you are lying. You are keeping the truth
from everyone. When someone says, "Man, you look great, I could never
stick to a diet that long." Dont look ashamed or embarrased. Smile and
accept the compliment. This will be the hardest thing for about 2 months,
when you are adjusting. After that you are home free and never have to deal
with people making judgments about your WLS. I love that my decision
remained private. Also, fret not, you will be able to eat more as you
progress. I just ate 2 corndogs. Yes, that is too much, but we have a
carnival at school and everyone loaded up on sausage dogs, burgers, etc. I
look normal and eat like everyone else. Good luck to you!
— Courtney W.
February 5, 2002
I COPIED THIS FROM ANOTHER QUESTION THAT I POSTED A RESPONSE TO..BECAUSE IT
SEEMS TO FIT HERE TOO...
OK.. maybe it's just my personality - or maybe I've lived with gossip
(ANOTHER SMALL TOWN HERE! lol) for so long that I've learned to a)purposely
avoid gossip - b)learned to 'tune out' something that somebody just HAS to
tell me anyway - c)gone to the SOURCE if I DO hear something that is of
concern to ME - but I don't understand why so many people want to keep
their surgery a big secret. (OK, SORRY FOR THE RUN-ON SENTENCE THERE) The
people who LOVE you will already know..and the rest can 'take a flying
leap..'! I had my surgery with a girlfriend...and with the ENTIRE
congregation of our church 'in the know'. Yes, there were a couple of
people who thought "That's the easy way out"..or "Why can't
she just push herself away from the table?". But their opinions had NO
bearing on ME - and what I had decided to do for/with MY life. On the other
side of the coin - I had an ENORMOUS support group!!! Their love and
concern for me..WHATEVER I decided to do was what kept me going during
moments when I wasn't really sure if I wanted to take the risk.. Here's the
BONUS!!!! I've become an 'inspiration' of sorts to a couple of women in the
church who are SERIOUSLY M.O. and I KNOW they're watching my progress (and
my girlfriend's progress) - to see if maybe this isn't an option for THEM
to start LIVING again..!! I plan to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS about my
surgery - and hope that I can provide the inspiration in others who are
afraid that it won't work, or that they'll die, or that their lives may
change for the WORSE! People are out there who NEED us a role models...so
they can start THEIR journey. Do Christians hide the fact of their faith,
because they're afraid of what others might think? Or do they LET THE LIGHT
SHINE so that others might see an end to THEIR darkness? Good luck.. and
God Bless :-)
— Diane E.
February 5, 2002
I kept my WLS a secret. I told them I would be getting my Gall. bld. out (
which I did) I told tham while in the hospital adn shortly after i lost 20#
and just kept on going. And now I'm on Atkins high protien/low carbs
exercising, water. My co workers seem to buy it, and when we do go out to
eat no one is saying" you shouln't eat this/that" etc.
— Cindee A.
February 5, 2002
Boy, all I can say is I am so glad Cheryl told me about her surgery and
didn't keep it a secret. If she had told me she was on a "diet",
Dr. supervised or not, I probably would have been dead by now. Instead she
told me about the surgery and this site. I live in a small town and I tell
everyone--I get compliments every day about my weight loss. I guess I
don't understand the "shame" of it. I am soooo lucky my
insurance approved me and I was able to have the surgery. So many are not
able to do it.
— NancyNorris
February 5, 2002
I am thankful that my wife's coworker Sheri was up front and told my wife
about her WLS. Both my wife and I were skeptic at first, but as we saw the
success that she experienced, we started looking into it. My wife had
surgery last April and is approaching the 100# loss mark. I am scheduled
for Mar 4, 2002. If Sheri would have kept it a secret and just said she was
on a "Diet", we probably would have never looked into. Don't be
affraid to let people know. They may be a little skeptic at first, but most
people are supportive.
— Dell H.
February 6, 2002
I am 13 months post op and only the two people that I trust most in the
world know about my surgery, my mom and my husband. They have and will
never tell anyone. I agree that you need to be 100% secretive (or in my
case 99.9%). I am always surprised when people say they are keeping it a
ssecret but follow it with a list of several people (including "close
friends" at work)that they have told and I am surprised. A secret
isn't a secret if many people know it. Human nature is difficult to
predict. I have also been questioned this past year and I give the standard
answers about my diet. I never tell how much I've lost. Never, never
never!!! If I am asked I say "a lot". I have only had one person
come back with a follow up question (how much do you weigh? huh, did she
think I would actually tell her???)I have kept this experience very private
and when in social situations I do not mention or dwell on my weight loss
or diet. It is somewhat lonely, but if that is your choice, then keeping it
a secret is possible. I can not go to any support groups for fear that I
may know someone there. This site is my virtual support group. I also agree
with the soup/salad suggestion for lunch choices. This was easy to pull off
early post op. You can do it if you want-but be 100% secretive. I know that
my mother and husband aren't talking and I feel that my secret is safe.
Good luck to you. Shelley
— Shelley.
February 6, 2002
Hi,
I had my surgery a year ago and I'm proud of the weight I have lost and I'm
not ashamed to tell anyone about me having surgery. I talk to other people
who are considering surgery. I want the whole world know and just about
everybody does. So don't be so hard on yourseld
— Bonnie D.
February 7, 2002
why would you want to lie about something that is going to have a positive
effect on your life and may save other people lives also. i understand the
right to privacy but to lie about the surgery makes it sound like you are
ashamed of having it. this surgery is designed to help those who want to
take control of their lives it is nothing to be ashamed or secretive about
it. granted there is no need to put up a buletin reading I HAD GASTRIC
BYPASS SURGERY, but you may save someone else's life. i think this is
something that should be celebrated because it is an accomplishment it is
not like the other yo-yo diets we have all tried. if you follow directions
you will succeed so why be so secretive?
— tameaka S.
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