Question:
Struggling with being termed

I am almost 1 year out, and am really glad to have my RNY. I truly believe that I would be dead in about 5 years if I hadn't. I have lost 156lbs, from 320, and have about 15 to go to "goal" My struggle is that people people call me skinny, slim, etc. (which at 164lbs we all know I am not!!!). I know that that seems like a good thing, but it bothers me greatly. I do not want to be "Skinny". I want to be nicely rounded and "womanly". I think that, added to this, is the fact that my "girls" are barely there. I don't know the true bra size I started out with, but I am now a 36D. The problem is that that is all skin!!! I had to sew an elastic band to the bottom of my bathingsuit cups to keep them from slipping down. Yes, I knew that I could loose my breasts going in to the surgery, but I am really struggling now that it is happening. I feel like I am in morning for my old, (way too) rounded shape. Any advice on changing my outlook? Anyone else feel the same? Thanks for responding.    — Betsy B. (posted on June 25, 2003)

June 25, 2003
Hi, Betsy: Try not to take these folks' comments to seriously; they probably think they are paying you a great compliment. Most people don't realize that being called "skinny" can be just as offensive as being called "heavy, overweight, big, large" etc. Try to forgive their ignorance and just kind of smile weakly at them when they say it. As far as the "girls" go, I'm in a 44C now, and I expect to probably be flat as a pancake when the weight starts coming off! Guess I'll be looking for some Wonderbras, falsies, whatever else I can think of! If you are developing rashes underneath your breasts, you might be able to get approved for a breast lift or something. Good luck, and Congratulations on your awesome loss! I can't wait to join you on the losing side! Moiasa, lap rny 08/19/03.
   — Moysa B.

June 25, 2003
Ask yourself this question: At what point am I going to stop taking things people say so personally? Most of what people say and do is more about them than you. People are telling you what THEY think you want to hear. You are finding every reason why you shouldn't accept their kindness. As if you don't deserve to be admired. Why is that? What is it in you (and me and us for that matter) that makes you refute a nice comment and find a million reasons why it can't be true for you. Stop being your worst critic and begin to agree with them. It works for me.
   — Kimberly L.

June 25, 2003
I was a 48DDD and then just like you after surgery, SKIN! Only skin to the waist! I had a lift (paid by insurance)My doctor suggested (my choice) to have implants to keep them perky. I paid $1000 for the implants and am now a firm, perky 36DD.
   — ZZ S.

June 25, 2003
I know I am only a pre op right now, but I am still only a 44B so, when I go flat, it will be back to the almost A size that I was alooooooooong time ago. The point is, you have the size to lose and the skin to fill. We all have our cross to bear! I can't wait until someone tells me I am skinny! All a point of perception, I guess!
   — doglover

June 25, 2003
I get a little embarresed too when people say that to me. Especially in front of strangers...I'm sure they look at me and think, skinny? But I simply say in a friendly manner, Yeah, I'm working on it, or I've come a long way huh...just a little something to let them know, that I know, they are flattering me. As far as the girls...I went from a DD to a very meager B...the surgeon says I will not have enough breast tissue to make a full B when I'm lifted...so a small inplant will be necessary..WOW...(I'm probably going to go with a C since I need inplants!!) -Kim open RNY 7/17/01 -150lbs.
   — KimBo36

June 26, 2003
Even though I'm still almost 200 lbs (not to mention over 6 months pregnant), my husband calls me "Skeletar". It's just a joke since he used to lovingly call me fatty and that just didn't seem accurate anymore. It's strange to me how quickly I adapted to not feeling "fat" anymore. I mean I am in NO WAY thin, but I'm not 300 lbs anymore. It still surprises me when people I haven't seen in a long time tell me how "skinny" I look. I think they just notice the difference more than I do. I try not to be offended by it since it's hard for people to know how to react.
   — mandajuice