Question:
How are Post-Ops dealing with all the attention after WLS

This question is because I have a friend who is going through a divorce after WLS. I myself had WLS 22 months ago, and although I now receive alot of attention, I have never considered leaving my spouse. Also has drinking became a problem for anyone? This seems to be alot of the problem my friend is having, she no longer eats, but now drinks. It's hard for me to know how to help, when I have not had to deal with this after my surgery, and I do not want to say the wrong thing and make matters worse. Any info would certainly be appreciated. Thanks.    — Valerie M. (posted on May 20, 2003)

May 20, 2003
Such a touchy subject. I have a friend that has not had WLS, but is trying to lose weight and even started making herself throw up and she is at the bar at least 4-5 times a week. I make comments, but I don't direct words to her b/c I know that will end our friendship, but she is dieting the proper way now b/c her hubby flipped out when he found out. I dont know how close you and your friend are, but be very careful with words. If she's in denial that will make it even worse. I hope someone can give you advice. Good luck to you!
   — Sandy M.

May 20, 2003
I love the attention but there are times where i just want to feel "normal" like as if I had always been thin. Gosh I never say that, that sure felt good! Anyways from my understanding marriages suffer because when the person loses all the weight they tend to build confidence and self esteem and learn to stand up for themselves. The mate cant handle this change and therefore this causes problems between the two people. Perhaps alot of jealousy is involved as well...ATTENTION, & lots of it...Also alot of marriages have problems before wls and so after the surgery the problems seem to evolve..I beleive a strong healthy marriage can conquere anything and regardless of wls or not if a marriage isnt gonna last, its just a matter of time before it ends...As for your friend all you can do for her is be there, i was in your situation and i let my friend grow up on her own and deal with her problems but i listend as much as i could and never pushed her aside also when she partyed I didnt party with her she had to do it alone. Im not big on drinking ..... good luck to you
   — Deanna Wise

May 20, 2003
The saying goes that WLS makes strong marriages stronger, and weak ones... well... worse. I have a wonderful dh who I would never leave and I know for a fact that he loves me fat or thin. With respect to the drinking, it's easy for an addictive personality to trade one addiction for the other. For me, I have to watch my shopping, but I can see why the drinking would be easy to fall into as well. It's sooooo dangerous to over indulge though after an RNY, that I just avoid it. You can really mess up your liver.
   — mom2jtx3

May 20, 2003
Hi Valerie- Do you think it's *more* attention as a post-op or a different type of attention? As a frustrated pre-op, I am looking forward to the day when someone will notice me in a positive way instead of the negativity that goes along with obesity....the snickers, the intentionally looking anywhere but at me OR the hostile once-overs, the group "huddle" and then all of them looking in your direction, and the teenagers (and sometimes adults) making animal noises in my direction, etc. Maybe reminding your friend that the attitudes of others are more positive now? Sigh, I'm probably not making any sense because I'm still pre-op :o) Good Luck to you and your friend, Mea
   — Mea A.

May 20, 2003
She should get professional help. She will regain from drinking. Every old girlfriend gives me a BIG hug when they see the thin me. This is often more affection than they showed when we dated. Its wierd and makes me uncomfy. Jen appears amused.
   — bob-haller

December 5, 2003
This really isn't an answer, but I was talking to my friend that is also a member on here, and she said to come here for my shared problems. After reading some of these, I can see where my problem is something several are going through. I have recently seperated from my husband, I guess because before I was weak, and supressed. He had been unfaithful, because of my weight at the time, he says. I stayed with him, because at that heavy weight, it is sometimes better to put up with crap, then to start all over. Now that I am the thin one, I get so much attention. This is a new experience to me. I also had a phobia to go out in bar scenes. I find that I love to go out with my girl friends to bars, I love to dance, and I love the attention that I get. Most nights I can walk in to the bar, and honestly say that I am the prettiest girl in the place..and how weird is that sounding, coming from someone that use to be the ugly duckling! But the problem is not only being reckless with the MEN, the excitement of it all, but I have found I like to drink. I never drank before, and I have an addictive personality to start with. But now I find myself drunk every weekend, doing things I would have never done. But on the other hand, I now live for the weekends, and people love to come out with me because I'm so fun to party with. I am starting to feel concerned about it alittle, for different reasons, all of which I won't write on here, and I know the effects it can cause later. Maybe it is a phase I will grow out of, and I really am enjoying myself for the first time in my life at age 35. Help??????
   — JENNIFER G.