Question:
how to handle negative comments on the choice of WLS?
My sister is very againest my choice in having WLS and is tellikng all kinds of awful things about it and is not being supported in my disction at all. It at the point where I think it's really going to ruin our relatsionship. — Jennifer S. (posted on December 28, 2002)
December 28, 2002
My mother foamed at the mouth when I told her what I was doing... (open
RNY-11/21 and down 40 pounds) See... they do not understand what we are
going through. Because they are not in our shoes it takes some convincing.
It took her a while to try and understand. I started sending her e-mail
from different web-sites such as this one to get her to understand. When
she saw before and after pics of people who had already done it she kind of
changed her mind. Your sister needs to stick by you and really listen. If
she refuses then she doesn't deserve to be a part of such a magnificent
thing you are doing. Go for it and do not let ANYONE stand in your way.
You are on your way to feeling and looking good. What's wrong with that?
— Regina C.
December 28, 2002
Take her to one of your appts. with your surgeon. Most surgeons are very
willing to talk to family members because it makes the surgery aned
recovery easier for their patients. I'm sure she is just afraid for you
and rather than admit that, trys to scare you out of having surgery.
If you can't change her mind, time will. Once you have had the surgery and
she sees how much better you feel and look, she will be so glad you did not
take her advice. Having the sugery was the smartest and best thing I have
ever done. Soon you will feel this way also!.
— grammie5
December 28, 2002
Hi Jennifer, I was in your boat too. Mostly from friends as my family saw
my weight struggle all my life. My dearest friend had the hardest time with
it. Being that we are both RN's we both knew what "could" happen
in the surgery but I kept reinforcing it to her that if I didn't have it, I
would die surely before my 50th birthday. I also sent her links to not only
this web site but to others so she could read about it and be better
informed. I am sure your sister is scared to death of loosing you, not of
you having the surgery. It's scarey for the ones who love us, especially
for the ones who have no weight problems. Just be patient with her and
encourage her that you are doing this so you will be around longer to have
a better relationship with her. And BTW, my friend? she is my biggest
supporter now! God bless you and I wish you well.
— Gina D.
December 29, 2002
I have found the following comment make people stop negative comments. I
just say, "you are not walking in my shoes right now"
— barbara A.
December 29, 2002
I educated them as much as possible, also told them if they didnt like it
to bad. I was doing this surgery for ME not them and if they wanted to
support me then good if not they could keep their negativity to themselves.
I didnt have to much of a hard time but did experience a bit of negativity
but all was handled and they are all pleased with my results! good luck to
you
— Deanna Wise
December 29, 2002
I'm pre-op. The only people I have discussed this with, are my husband,
daughter, my parents, and my mother inlaw. These are people I knew would
support my decision. And also my boss at work, because I felt she had the
right to know, because I would need some time off to have my pre-ops done.
(I really wish labs would open on saturdays) I have a sister and 2
brothers. I have decided to wait until after I have the surgery done to
tell them, simply because my brothers have never been supportive of
anything I've done, and I really don't need to hear their BS. (they would
be the ones telling me to just go on a diet and not take the easy way out,
they also have never had wieght issues) I'm doing this for ME.. for MY
health, and that's what matters.
— KellyJeanB
December 29, 2002
When your sister tells you all kinds of awful things, ask her to prove it,
to show you the articles, the proof of what is so awful. Then make a deal
with her. You will listen to her "awful" stories if she will
spend equal time here on this site. Have her go thru the before and after
pictures. Then, when she finds one where she says, "WOW", click
on the name and go into the profile and read their stories. They are all
people like you and me, and we have walked a mile in their shoes and can
relate to their stories. If your sister remains firm in her belief after
that, all you can do is have a heart to heart with her and ask her to
support you and if she cannot, then just stay away from her and all
negativity until you have had your surgery. Once you make your decision
you do not need to be surrounded by negativity..so just keep coming her for
lots of positive vibes!
— Cindy R.
December 29, 2002
If your sister doesn't respond to any of the suggestions below, just be
very gentle with her and don't discuss WLS with her anymore. Get your
support elsewhere. Post-op, when she sees how well WLS works and how good
you feel, she'll change her mind! Just realize that she may not be able
to be there for you pre-op. If you don't push her away, she'll still be
there post-op. People who would NEVER have supported me pre-op, and now
very happy and supportive post-op!
— Kathy J.
December 29, 2002
Your sister is concerned and trying to save you:( Take your sister and a
post op who has lost a lot to dinner. Let your sis hear and see them first
hand. Watch the post op eat a nice meal. The one egg of food is SO well
promoted people fear thats a lifetime. But its not. Like I said let your
relatives see how well people do. This should change her mind. DO attend
support group meetings! Take her to one!
— bob-haller
December 29, 2002
Put on some ear muffs. Keep your chin up. She'll come around once she
realizes this is your decision and you've made it. Period.
— Goldilauxx B.
December 29, 2002
Simply, I told them "it is my life and my choice" Now 8 weeks
post op no one thinks I am crazy anymore.
— Wendy H.
December 30, 2002
I told most everybody in my life what i was planing to do includingmy
children. the only one who i didnt tell was my bother but that was because
we dotn getalong anyway and i knew what and how he would react. i got
varying reactions the worst comeing from oddly enough my sister in law. I
could make lots of suggestions but i think the one that helped me out the
most was makeing sure that i was well educated about the desison i was
making so that when someones ignorance about the surgery showed its self in
negativity i was well armed with my own documented information. To educate
my husband, mom and sister - all of whom supported me but admited to not
knowing anything about it and were scared for me - i took them to support
group meetign sith me that i started attendeing months befor my surgery.
this way they got information from the real exsperts...the people who were
living it. you might try that. Feel free to email me
— Becky M.
December 30, 2002
hi
I had many people tell me I was crazy that it is major surgery and all
kinds of things, even one person was a nurse but I would not listen.
I had my mind made up and no one was going to change it for me, I had many
medical promblems and really needed it done. Now 7mos po down 104lbs
everyone thinks I am doing great so dont listen to them only to yourself
and what is good for you good luck
— ROSEMARY A.
Click Here to Return