Question:
How do you explain why you are choosing to do this?
The other day at work, in the newspaper there was an article about gastric bypass surgery. A co-worker, who I have talked with about my plans to have this done, saw it and read it and then proceeded to tell me that she thought I was just trying to find an easy way out. That if I just disciplined myself, that I could lose the weight on my own. She was under the impression that the only people who needed this surgery were the ones who could not walk or was invalid. She did not realize the people who can walk or are not confined to a wheelchair or bed are still considered morbidly obese. My question is: how do we explain why we are choosing this when there are so many people out there who view this surgery as a copout and and easy way instead of doing it on our own? When you have people telling you that, at least for me, it gets me to thinking. I would love some advice for the next time someone slams me for choosing this "easy way out". — dixieb (posted on November 27, 2002)
November 27, 2002
I'm sitting here and can FEEL my blood pressure rising! The nerve of
ANYONE to say that its the easy way out! I can maybe understand someone
who has NEVER had to worry about their weight thinking that way because
they've never had to experience swollen feet, ankles and calves after
hefting around all that extra weight all day, or experienced the humility
of having to squeeze into a seat that's far to small for you to fit in, or
being discriminated against for being morbidly obese. HOWEVER - this is
not the "easy" way out. This is a difficult, life-changing
decision that you may or may not make to give you the chance to live a
healthier way of life. I think that if YOU decide you want to go into more
detail when someone says something like your co-worker said, you could tell
them that this is not the "easy" way out for you, its the
"ONLY" way out for you. That you deserve a chance at living a
normal, healthy life without carting around all those extra pounds, and
that this person should be happy and supportive of you that you are taking
a step to get your life back! OK...I'll step back down off my soapbox for
now...Hang in there and do WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU! Lisa
— sssuzie1
November 27, 2002
This surgery is anything except for easy.
— Christi S.
November 27, 2002
I'm with the previous poster - I can feel my blood pressure starting to
rise! Bariatric Surgery is the most effective way to attain and sustain
weight loss - but that doesn't make it easy. However, if it were easy -
why would that be so wrong? It's easier to drive an automatic transmission
than a standard, it's easier to use a food processor than to chop things by
hand, it's easier to talk on the phone than it is to write a letter. Yet
no one faults us for taking advantage of these means of more effectively
accomplishing things. I think it all goes back to the fact that obesity
remains the last acceptable arena for open discrimination. You have chosen
bariatric surgery to AVOID being confined to a wheelchair or bed. You are
using it as a weight loss tool and also as a preventative for conditions
that develop as our health deteriorates as a result of obesity. I have
used this argument many times and it seems to make people stop and think.
I always try to be very polite and smile yet allow my voice to carry just a
hint of firmness. A copout is accepting obesity and doing nothing to
defeat it. Bariatric surgery is personal bravery at it's best. I'm very
proud of you!
— ronascott
November 27, 2002
It also makes me so mad when I hear of someone saying that this is the easy
way out. As a matter of fact, it the most courageous thing that a person
could do. There's nothing easy about it. It's the HARD way. Putting
yourself through the surgery, puking your guts up when you eat too much,
trying to balance your nutrition, and all the other things that go along
with this surgery. The ones who say such things are just
"illiterate" about the surgery and they need to be pitied. Just
follow your heart because only you can know for sure if this is the right
thing to do. KB
— Kathey B.
November 27, 2002
Personally, I choose to tell those people who make such comments out of
ignorance that I prefer not to discuss it with them at all. If they choose
to be supportive and do their research, then I will talk with them but
otherwise, they need to find someone else to bash. You don't have to be
ugly - but people who will be so hurtful are not the people you need to
have around you right now. You don't even MAYBE need to explain
yourself. If it is someone who loves you, they will want this for you
because you want to live and be healthy. If not, blow 'em off and move on!
You/we deserve support and compassion, not the same judgement and
criticism we've been subjected to our whole lives! Come here for your
support....we love ya'!!
— Scarlett A.
November 27, 2002
I have only had one person really question my motives and I asked them if
they have ever been 100 pounds overweight for 10 years. I truly asked
sincerely and not with any attitude because I don't see a real way to
explain the battle tha I have had. The person whom I had posed the
question to really took a moment to think about it (instead of just making
a judgement) and said, "Yeah, I guess I can see why you woul do this
and even if I don't I cold not possibly guess what it has been like for
you." Prejudice against the obese is still so accepted and we are
stil just seen as lazy and lacking self control. I think the only way to
deal with all of it is to truly know in your soul that you are doing the
right thing.
I also gave this person a book that described the surgery and the dangers
of remaining MO. That cleared up most of her questions without me having
to answer a lot of them.
— Carol S.
November 27, 2002
I think the previous posters have covered the important points (like, don't
dwell on critical people who don't know what they're talking about), but I
would add two more thoughts. One, I'd tell them that NIH approved the
surgery because it is the ONLY widely effective method for controlling
morbid obesity. We know that diet and exercise (the so-called "hard
way") produce something like a 95 percent failure rate among the
morbidly obese. This surgery helps most patients lose and keep off at
least 70 percent of their excess weight (and diet and exercise are changes
that also accompany the surgery, it's not like you won't be doing those
things too).<P>Second, I sincerely doubt any of these well-wishers
spend their days looking for the "hard way" out of any problem or
challenge in their lives. For every snide remark about "taking the
easy way out," we can all remember our parents saying, "Why do
you have to learn everything the hard way?" The decision to have
weight loss surgery isn't some character test, and it isn't about easy or
hard choices (they're all hard), it's about settling on what you think will
actually WORK for you in treating your obesity, which is a life-threatening
condition when left untreated.<P>Or, you can just say "Thanks
for your concern, but I'm comfortable with my decision." And refuse
to get drawn into any more discussion of the pros and cons with these
folks.
— Suzy C.
November 27, 2002
Hi Dottie. To me, it's like Thomas Jefferson's description of democracy
("It's the absolute worst form of government in existence - except for
all the others"). Yes, life after WLS is difficult - except when
compared with any other method. That's right, I hate to be the stick in
the mud here, but I'm one of the minority who is willing to publicly state
this surgery (I had Open RNY) is truly the "Easy Way Out" for
those desperate to lose weight. For me, it has absolutely been a
no-brainer. Yes, I've struggled with the new way of eating. Yes, I
developed pneumonia 3 weeks post-op. Yes, I had to have my gall bladder
out at 7 months. But, at least I'm healthy again, which was nowhere on my
horizon prior to WLS. Look, I don't feel the need to apologize to other
folks for taking this "easy road" to health. After all, I felt
then (and still do) it was my only chance at a 'normal life'. So, seeing
as how I know any other method would have failed me, I'm not ashamed to
admit "I took the easy way out". Good luck to you. Kevin
— meilankev
November 27, 2002
So the mass millions of the morbidly obese all just lack discipline? Very
interesting theory.... I wonder why you'd want to waste your time on her
education? If people choose to slam you for ANYTHING, they aren't very
nice- are they? I think a simple "You don't know my medical history,
or understand how this surgery works or how it can help me. So, please
before offering opinions, please be sure you know what you are talking
about" will suffice.
— Karen R.
November 27, 2002
Karen's responce would work. So would, "Thank you for your concern.
I've been meaning to ask you, how's your Aunt Mae?" (Or some other
appropriate question to get them talking about their own life.)
— Amber L.
November 27, 2002
Dottie, It sounds to me that this person is a "thin" person, I
mean it is easy to say "just diet and exercise and you will be
thin" HMMMM doesnt it always seem that the people who say this are not
morbid obese? and this surgery is not "the easy way out" you tell
your friend that she should research more about something before she gives
an opinion( you know what they say about opinions?), I am post op 26 days
and although I have no pain there is emotional pain that goes far greater
than "the easy way out"
and if you want to explain why you are getting the surgery
I would say " I am getting the surgery to better my health
and surgery is the way to do this" and leave it at that, if someone
slams you just think about after the surgery when you will be a
"thinner" person who is now hopefully healthier, It is easy to
slam someone when you don't understand something, but it is far better to
make them eat their words, and as for your co-worker just let her think as
she will, I have lost 28 pounds in 26 days, I don't care how anyone sees
what I have done, I DID THIS FOR MYSELF.....Not for anyone else..... keep
that in mind Dottie, this surgery is for YOU!!!!, not to appease someone
else....sorry for ranting but I needed to say this.. Good Luck
— Christopher W.
November 27, 2002
Here's something that I posted on my support group mailing list when we
were talking about the same subject (people talking about us taking the
"easy way out":
<p>
"Yeah...I always get a kick out of those people that say that this is
the easy way out (and they are always people who haven't had the surgery,
too)."
<p>
"All of the pre-op testing, anxiety awaiting insurance approval,
anxiety waiting the surgery, hospital room thermostats set at 90 degrees
(bring a little fan with you, pre-ops, you will need it),
not-always-dependable nurses, interns and residents poking and prodding you
at all times of the day, having to cough or sneeze a few days post-op,
weird hallucinatory dreams from the morphine. That
perpetual scratchy throat from the NG tube, getting up that first time or
two to walk (especially if you had an open), perpetual dry mouth when go
get home because you cannot get in enough water to get rehydrated. Trying
to get protein into a newborn 2 oz pouch..."
<p>
"And on and on and on...issues later on like hair loss (mine started a
couple of weeks ago) and plateaus..."
<p>
"This is definitely NOT the easy way out!!!! We have chosen to have
our insides permanently rearranged to help us to lose weight. The easy way
out would have been to do nothing and continue with our weight problems and
co-morbidities."
<p>
"Instead, we have chosen to take charge of our lives and our weight.
We've told our bodies - you are not going to control my life any more, I am
going to control you."
— John Rushton
November 27, 2002
Hi!<br>Any way of losing weight is the "easy way" in
different respects. If I had stuck with all those diets I tried in the
past, that would have been "easy" because for Thanksgiving or
other special occassions, I could give myself that day off, and eat
whatever I wanted, then get back on the bandwagon the next day (assuming I
had that kind of willpower, which I've proven in the past, I don't). It's
also "easy" because you don't have to wonder, every time you put
something in your mouth, if it's going to sit well. "Easy" would
have also been skipping all the economic, physical and emotional stress of
surgery and the aftermath.<br>However, with my WLS, it's
"easy" because I don't have the option of falling off the wagon
so far that I feel I can't get back on. It's also "easy" because
this is the longest, sustained weight loss I've have in years (or ever).
Finally, it's "easy" because I know that for the first time in my
life, I know I can lose my excess weight and keep it off.<br>I don't
care HOW you lose weight, it's hard. I admire people who have done it
through diets, etc, as much as people who have had WLS. No more, no less.
This surgery for me wasn't so much about "easy" as it was about
"gaining control." <br>Kelly
— Kelly B.
November 27, 2002
you don't need to explain anything it is your body your health and if it
the decision you chose then you have to live with it and not them don't let
them make you feel guilty or bad for your decision
— shelly B.
November 27, 2002
The EASY way would have done nothing - except my obesity, except my
unattractiveness, except early death and living in pain after a stroke or
amputation -- then having to rely on others to care for you. Give me life -
give me freedom to choose my own destiny and how I want to live with the
time I have left. Besides - mind your own business and then change feet in
the mouth of yours!!
— Sally P.
November 27, 2002
I tell them the surgery is only a tool just like others use different ways
of loosing weight. This surgery is just a tool and must be used wisely. If
they believe we wake up and we dont have to do anything ever again to
change our eating behavior patterns then I explain it to them. The major
public is still VERY ignorant about Gastric Bypass and so are still alot of
people considering this surgery. It is still lots of work but we have a
latest greatest tool to use to do it. Doesnt the rest of the world use more
updated convienent ways to do things???
— Karla K.
November 27, 2002
Sometimes don't you just want to smile and reply "Because it's MY body
and I WANT to do it, so therefore I AM going to do it!"
— Betty Todd
November 27, 2002
Ask them this.... is it really the EASY way out to undergo a surgery, be
"gutted like a fish", have the possibility of all the post-op
complications, and forever have to change the way you eat - sugars,
proteins, etc.
My decision to have the surgery was no ones business but my own. I did
talk to my hubby openly about it and after a few pre-op support group
meetings, he was on-board with support for the operation.
I have not told my family or co-workers. The only friends that know are my
workout partner and her hubby.
— Valerie H.
November 27, 2002
Ya know, I never explained to ANYONE why I was doing this - oh wait, I
explained to my husband and that was unnecessary - he was with me 100% from
the word go. :>) However, if you feel you need to explain you could
tell them that the surgery changes our metabolism - no amount of discipline
can do that; it halts the production of a chemical (can't think of the name
of it) that makes it very hard for us to keep weight off and again will
power won't change do that; It helps us to malabsorb things (sugar, fats,
calories) that "normal" people with normal metablisms and normal
chemical releases don't have to worry about. There are many scientific
reasons why we have this surgery...but the most important of all? It
works! Will power often doesn't!
— [Deactivated Member]
November 27, 2002
Dottie-first of all you dont need to explain to anyone about your
choices--its your choice. Second this is NOT the easy way out. You have to
change your life dramatically and in some ways discipline that many of us
lack is forced upon us. Thus far I've been fortunate in those that know
what I've done--they've been very very supportive but should I encounter
similar to what you've had then I will probably answer with "I made
the best choice for me and hopefully you'll support my decision and if you
dont then lets consider this subject one that is not up for debate".
I wish you all the best Dottie--God Bless :o)
— Bambi C.
November 28, 2002
Who says "easy" is not a GOOD thing? I feel I was made for wls -
having a long record of you know what. it is true that I had no
complications - no throwing up - no complaints. I am alert to watch my
food intake and exercise - but I can do this! Food seems to taste better
now - and I have a modern built-in stop eating too much at one time
mechanism - and put that together with water logging ---I am one happy
"cop out" - and am living a better and longer life.
— charlene M.
November 29, 2002
Dottie...I simply tell them, "Well, I guess if this is the easy way
out, then aren't I the smart one for doing it?!" =)
— Kim D.
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