Question:
How can I get my friends and family to support me regarding surgery?

I am 28 years old and am having surgery 10/18/02. Yeah, I'm so excited, but since I have a BMI of 41 and carry my weight very well, most of my family and friends don't take me seriously about my decision for surgery. I'm so excited and anxious, but everytime I bring it up, they just brush off the subject. Please help, I really need someone to talk to.    — denisel (posted on August 26, 2002)

August 25, 2002
Use the chat room on obesity help. Try and find another WLS patient that lives in your area. Unfortunately, non-obese people do not always understand. After surgery, I hope that they will be more suportive of you. That kind of attitude was why I did not tell many people that I was having surgery in the first place. Good luck to you on your journey.
   — Vicki L.

August 25, 2002
I just looked at your profile. I live in the baltimore area. Let me know if I can help.
   — Vicki L.

August 25, 2002
I had this problem initially, my mom & my sister were against it. In fact, my sister was like, "i am sure you can lose 100 lbs if u try" and my mom was like "u are taking the easy way out". I directed them to this site, I educated them, I brought my mom to a support group run by my surgeon and we talked. Sure enough, after a month or so and them knowing I was totally serious, they were in support. I also gave them Carney's book, even though I can't STAND here. Both were with me @ the hospital along with my husband and even told me afterward that everything I told and showed them, changed their views. Good Luck!
   — heathercross

August 26, 2002
Denise, does your surgeon have a support group? If so, go to those meetings pre-op and you will find tons of supportive people, both pre and post op. Don't worry about your family-in fact, if I was you, I would limit discussions with them until after surgery. Talk to those who are supportive of your decision. Its important for you to have that type of support before your surgery.
   — Cindy R.

August 26, 2002
My dad was very much against my surgery. He begged me not to have it. I did my homework and researched until I was sure that I was doing the right thing. I felt good about my decision and I had to stand behind it. Your family will be there for you once your surgery gets here. Remember they are not as informed as you. My dad was there for me during surgery and he has never been prouder of me since. Everyday he tells me how great I look and I just found out that he tells everyone he sees how much weight I have lost. It really makes me feel good. It is just their fear. Be patient with them and realize they will soon come around. If you have any other questions, please email me.
   — Cindy M.

August 27, 2002
Don't let them get you down. My best friend scolded me on not trying hard enough. Now she wants to help. She was afraid of our relationship changing. I was the friend she went out to eat with and all her other friends hike, bike ride and yoga. Now I will be one of those people too and she couldn't figure out how to put me in to that role. I did nothing to help her through her worries except listen even if it was her telling me I shouldn't do the surgery. They are worried about you, so when they see you loosing and loving yourself they ill know it was the best thing. Or you can use my mean thinking...I never say it but I think it "It's my business and your problem". Good luck and I am here for you!
   — sadierussell

August 27, 2002
You have to make the best decision for you. When I was considering the surgery I had many who tried to dissuade me from it, but once I made up my mind, that was it. I had to look at what was best for my long-term health and while I could lose 40-50 pounds pretty easily on my own, I could never keep it off long-term. The support group "Forever Thin" meets on the 2nd Thursday night at St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond. It's a large group of people and they're thinking about splitting it into two groups because of it's size. I just had my surgery with one of the other surgeons in Dr. Hutcher's group and it's a wonderful practice to be associated with. I used another doctor because I wanted the procedure done laproscopically and Dr. Hutcher only does the open procedure. Their preparatory program for surgery is very good and I think you'll be pleased. If I can help or you want to talk by e-mail, my e-mail is [email protected].
   — Cathy S.