Question:
What do you do when your mind begins to sabotage your body?

I am 7 months post op and have lost 121 pounds with 82 more left to go. But since the 4 month after surgery, I have been battling my sweet tooth. It has now progressed to chips, pizza and other snack food. I have tried sugar free goods but they either don't appeal to me or leave me with a gaseous reaction. I know what is good for me. I know what I should be eating on my diet. That's not it. I can't handle being smaller. I want my fat back. Even though I love the compliements, being able to walk and breathe better and fitting into smaller clothes, the fat was my protection from being noticed. I feel so exposed now. My therapist is not helping. I can't get to a support group because I am in night school and work during the day. I spend my weekends studying because my friends are all busy with their own lives. I am isolated and all alone in this which only make me want to eat more. I don't want to fail on this surgery. I went through hell. I had complications and everything. But it was worth it. I just can't stop my mind from trying to sabotage my body......    — [Anonymous] (posted on February 15, 2002)

February 15, 2002
I wonder why your therapist isn't helping you. Have you told her everything you have told us? Not just hinted at it, but told her plainly and in full? If you have and she is ignoring it, then you need a new therapist. If you haven't, then you are sabotaging your own progress. Getting fat again isn't going to solve your problems -- you know that. Those old problems will be right there for you to deal with, fat or slim or whatever. Call your therapist and tell her the whole thing, and see what happens. If she ignores you get thyself another therapist. I hope you will be able to work this through to your advantage. Nina in Maine
   — [Deactivated Member]

February 15, 2002
You know, there were valid reasons we were keeping ourselves fat before WLS. I have lost and re-gained 100 lbs. more times than I can count. I think what you need to do is seriously decide whether or not being thin is too mentally scary. If it is, have your procedure reversed. If you think there is hope though that you will be able to adapt to the new vulnerability, then change therapists to one that works, and do your side of the work required to change yourself. I have a feeling you probably suffer from social anxiety disorder anyway, since a lot of heavy people do ... and it's really scary to get extra attention. I'm so sorry you're feeling like being obese was better than being thin and healthy. I don't negatively judge you for that, and I just pray that you will be able to get the help you need. Feel free to email me privately if you want to chat further.
   — Terissa R.

February 15, 2002
I'm pre-op, so take the things I say or suggest in that frame. I'm sure you are not the only one who has been experiencing this. The statement that sticks out from your writing is about wanting the fat back to protect you from others. Have you with your counselor explored why you feel you need protecting? I know for myself I worked through this issue a few years ago, but when I had my Phys. Eval. recently the counselor mentioned that when I start losing some of those issues may come up again. There is nothing wrong in changing counselors and finding someone that works better for you. I also think you may want to take inventory of your busy schedule and for a short time drop something, so you can be in contact with others. This isn't a time to be isolated. God Bless and my prayers are with you.
   — Cheryl S.

February 15, 2002
I understand what you're saying. Sometimes it was/is nice not to be noticed, but on the otherhand it does feel good to be noticed (especially for our weight loss) because we look like a different person, even though we're still the same on the inside (fat and thin). I, too, have lost and gained a ton of weight over and over throughout adulthood. Each time I had a failed relationship I would pacify myself with food. I have lost over 100 lbs. (rny open, 1/8/01) and I do look like I did when I was younger and it makes me feel good. Both men & women tell me how great I look and it really boosts my ego. However, there are the women that are my so called "friends" that I have noticed get rather "green" when I have on a new outfit that shows off my new figure or if people tell me how great I look in front of them. Sometimes you want to go back to being fat so I'll be accepted by these "green-eyed friends" ... but now that I am older, I actually don't need friends like these even though I must work very closely with them. When I was younger and attractive men just wanted sex and I thought to get them to like me I would give in. Now I have a handle on that too, I don't have to give anything to anyone just to be liked. I finally know who I am. Granted, it still hurts when rejected because you don't do what others want you to do, but do things for yourself and be true to yourself. Regarding therapists -- CHANGE! You are paying this person big bucks to help you & if they aren't -- change. I quit going to mine because I felt worse after I left than before I went in. I got more out of a one hour massage or reflexology than going to a therapist...which has also helped my circulation AND mental attitude. Once you start liking yourself, you're on your way. Please don't have the operation reversed, give yourself a chance. Life IS scarey sometimes, and it's going to be that way whether we fat or thin. Good luck with whatever you choose.
   — [Anonymous]

February 16, 2002
I think we've hit "THE WALL" Think about it. How long have you ever been able to stay on a diet before? I know this isn't a "diet", but it is still an eating habit change. 6 months was my longest successful diet before. I am at 5 1/2 months now and I am starting to feel like I want pizza, burgers, ice cream, prime rib, french fries . . .AAAAUUUGGGHHH!! We will get through this. We have too. Together, we shall overcome!!
   — Danielle M.