Question:
How can men be so cruel????
I know someone who is very pretty, very young,(23 yrs) and is treated like a dog!!! Her boyfriend isn't taking her to his family for Thanksgiving because she's getting too fat and he is doesn't want her there for everyone to see that he is with an overweight girlfriend1!!!!Her BMI is 40. The poor girl is crying her heart out over this and I just can't stand by and do nothing. I told her about the wls and I thought if someone could write about their happiness after their wls I will print it up and send it to her. She doesn't have a computer. Her name is Heather and she is beautiful inside and out. I hope she doesn't try to end her life over this piece of garbage!!! Thanks — [Anonymous] (posted on November 21, 2001)
November 21, 2001
Hi, Tell Heather that this guy is not worthy of her. She deserves better.
She must respect herself as she is before anybody else will. There is hope
though in WLS and then after she loses the weight (if she wants to) she
will not want such a jerk! As for the dinner, maybe she should turn the
tables on him and reject him NOW. Heather, I suffered for twenty years or
more with my body and my sweet man has stood by me for 29 yrs. He accepted
me like I was and now that I am getting foxy I will make him glad he did!
He never was ashamed of me and that is what you need to look for in a man.
Those shallow jerks who only see a body will be surprised one day when they
start to get a pot belly, receding hair line, and wrinkles! Looks fade but
ignorance is lifelong. As you get older you will understand this more and
more. Good luck in finding a guy who appreciates you for yourself. Cause
as they say, "we can lose weight, but he will always be ugly!"
Good luck to you dear!
— Marilyn C.
November 21, 2001
Tell her she can lose 175 lbs tomorrow, by dumping him.
— Goldilauxx B.
November 21, 2001
DUMP that fool---a bmi of 40 is not that obese unless she is about 3 ft
tall---she needs to get away from him and his family--and the wls should
not be to please a man--you should do it for yourself first
— [Anonymous]
November 21, 2001
Why someone would want to be with somebody who accepts them in only certain
"situations" i.e. whilst in his bed, or making his dinner or
cleaning his home- but not in social situations or with family- is BEYOND
me. This is not a relationship, it is not worth anything to EITHER person,
and all it does is make her feel bad, and him feel it's OK to treat others
as sub-human. Would she ever want her own daughter, sister or mother in
such a relationship? Obviously not! So why does she cheapen herself so?
Everyone of us have some sort of backbone- she just needs to find hers,
surgery or not. Screw him, and kick him to the curb.
Why she would shed tears over going somewhere where she was not wanted is
beyond me as well- I am sorry he does not want her there, but there is no
way around that- and she should see how mean and cruel hearted he is, and
1. dispose of him and 2. not want to go there because of it. I mean, if I
am not wanted, then I am not wanted- I would not be SAD that I couldn't
go............ nor insist on attending.
— Karen R.
November 21, 2001
I concur - drop this jerk. My sweet husband loves me as is - I am the one
choosing to have WLS for me. At 285 pounds and my angel (handsome and 180
pounds) didn't hesitate to introduce me to family and friends - and he was
noticably proud of his girlfriend, later wife. He has never, not once,
made me feel ashamed of my weight ... respect and love for your partner is
the key. Men like my husband aren't that easy to find - I spent 25 years
looking - but, man oh man, are they worth the hunt.
— Donna A.
November 21, 2001
I agree with others DUMP him. When you have WLS you will be looking fine!!!
There are many other fish out there. You will be able to go fisihng, and
find someone worthy of your
love. I say make a clean break before you feel trapped like
he's the only one that will love you. He is the one undeserving of you!!!
— Cindee A.
November 21, 2001
He is a ABUSER, today mental, later perhaps physical. You have to remember
is not just men that treat people badly.... I had some BAD experiences with
woman who looked at me as a toy to be used and thrown away. No doubt
because of my weight:) Even back in high school girls were only nice if
they thought I could be useful in some way. Thank goodness there were a few
exceptions, but most were unkind and commented on my weight when we werent
together. Bad treatment isnt just by Men.
— bob-haller
November 21, 2001
I agree with everyone here that has posted, she should dump him. But also
I would recommend counseling for your friend. Anyone that would stay with
someone that would treat them so mean has issues and low self esteem. I'm
sure this is not the first time he has been so cruel.
— [Anonymous]
November 21, 2001
My heart goes out to your friend. I was once in the same situation myself,
and spent all my time beating myself up trying to lose weight, and all for
an idiot that ended up finding someone else. Explain to Heather that she
doesn't have to live like that.Is she interested at all in WLS? If so, try
and give her all the info and options available. She can change her life,
but it sounds like she will need you to stay close by to help through the
rough spots. Good luck, and email me if you like. I'd like to see how she's
doing.
— Marianne S.
November 21, 2001
((((((Heather)))))) I wish you both a Happy Thanksgiving and I'm sorry
that you're going through so much right now. A BMI of 40, even though it's
low to some, is still morbidly obese and qualifies for surgery if wanted.
I urge you to search within and see that you deserve so much more from a
boyfriend. I met my husband when I was morbidly obese, he fell in love
with <i>me</i> and never ever said an unkind word when I
ballooned up to 305 lbs. He just kept on loving me emotionally and
physically. I'm so grateful to him and now that I'm a
<i>normal</i> weight he's so excited for me. HUGS to you. I
wish you all the best no matter what you decide.
— Jo (Part 2) C.
November 22, 2001
Heather you are a beautiful girl and you don't need anyone who treats you
like anything but a beautiful girl. If your boyfriend says he is ashamed
of you he just isn't worth the effort it would take to tell him to go blow.
You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. If you feel
that you would like to have WLS I'm sure you would be a great candidate.
You are young and you BMI is quite low and you would probably even be able
to have it done Lap which is a much quicker recovery time. If you think
that having this surgery would help your self-confidence than I say do it,
you're worth it. Then you would have it as a tool to use for the rest of
you life! Remember you are very special to many people and you have alot
of people in your corner. If he can't appreciate everything that you are
than he is'nt worth it. Be happy and don't let anyone or anything else
control your life!!
Vicki Mize
— vmize
November 22, 2001
Man would I love to talk to that JERK. I have been married now for 14
years and my husband loves me for who I am. He is a skinny minny and it
doesnt bother him about my weight. I had the OPEN RNY on 04/12/01 and have
to date lost 123lbs. Me and my husband was looking at my before pictures
and he said he didnt realize I was so big. He doesnt say the word FAT
around me. It doesnt bother me if he said it, but I think he thinks that
it will hurt my feelings. I new how big I was. If he didnt like me for
who I was, I would not have been married this long. I had the surgery done
for me, not him but for me because of my health. He said he would have
loved me either way. He never really saw how big I really was because he
loved me. Sounds like this guy doesnt really love you for who you are.
Please get away from him, he is no good. I know this is easier said than
done, but no one should make you feel bad about yourself. I have even told
of doctors for telling me over and over again that I needed to lose weight.
Finally I tol my pcp you give me the magic pill that does and I will lose
weight now. He has never said it to me since. Good luck and Happy
Thanksgiving.
— lynbaby B.
November 23, 2001
I hope that this young woman realizes that if her man loved her he wouldn't
treat her like that. I know it is difficult to get out af relationships,
especially when you are heavy. But, no one deserves to be treated badly,
and especially because of weight. Losing weight is not the only thing. A
person needs to be aware of and prepared to deal with all of the inner
demons that have been suffocated, or at least kept at bay, by the weight.
Certainly she should look into WLS but, she must also be prepared to leave
her current situation and look at her-self very closely. I wish your
friend all the luck and future happiness in the world. Please let her know
she is NOT alone.
— Melissa S.
November 23, 2001
He IS a jerk, but there are women who are jerks too. Unfortunaly there are
always jerks on ether side.
But I would like to say one thing: I know the reason why he has her for a
girlfriend.... "no one else would have him!"
Please dump him. You deserve better, and YOU WILL FIND BETTER! God bless
you! :)
— Danmark
November 24, 2001
I agree with everyone else here. If someone loves you, it should be for
who you are. What happens to people when they get old? People are always
changing, whether or not they are obese. And if someone is not willing to
be with you through the good and bad times, then they are not worth your
time. Things are not always rosie in life. And if someone turns their
back on you during the hard times, what good are they?! I have a wonderful
husband. But we have hard times too. I am having my surgery in December.
And I know we will still have hard times once in a while even after my
weight loss. But we are in this for the long haul. And we are a team.
When I started talking about this surgery, he told me that he would do
anything in the world for me. And any support I need, he would be there to
provide. But if i chose not to have the surgery, then that is ok too. I
am doing this for me. But I am also doing this for my family too because I
want to be healthy for them and give them the best of me. But I am not
doing this to please anyone or make anyone feel better about me. I want me
to feel better about me. And that is the important thing!
Long before I met my husband, I had a male friend that told me one time
that he loved me more than anyone. But we would never be together because
I was so big. Which said to me that he didn't really love me. He just
loved when I did things for him. And that is NOT love!
— Tracey B.
November 24, 2001
I agree that this guy needs to be said "adios" too. It isn't
that he doesn't love her enough. He doesn't love himself enough. This
isn't even her fault -- it is his. And as long as she stays with him, she
sends a message -- you can treat me bad. He needs to grow up a little and
know that he misses her. My husband (of now) did this to me twenty years
ago. We got back together 4 years ago. If I had not left him then I would
never have had the strength to make changes in my life because I would have
always felt less than. Now I've had surgery -- he is supportive -- but he
only wanted me to have it because of my health. You friend has to choose
to be strong -- she may think it is strong to stay with him and put up with
the hurt but that is like being an abused woman who will continue to be
abused. Get strong -- on you own -- change because you want to live -- and
know there are people out there who will love you regardless of your
weight. The key is to be self-confident about yourself. Don't let anyone
tear you don.
— Debbie H.
Click Here to Return